Seven steps to healing the lovesick heart.
We’ve all had them. Those icky, sticky, yucky feelings of love gone wrong. The sense of loss. Of abandonment. Of feeling devalued and discarded. Of being ”˜less than’ the light of love in our lover’s eyes. We’ve all had them and sometimes, those feelings linger for longer than is healthy for us to reclaim our sense of self-worth, of beauty, of joy in our essence of being alive.
EMBRACE yourself. You’ve got all you need to hold onto
is a seven step process that guides you through letting go of the love that was (and will never be again) into loving what is and will always be within you. You. Whole and complete. Living the 3Ms of self-eMPOWERED YOU! Magnificent! Miraculous! Marvelous!
EMBRACE:
Engage your heart. Still your mind.
Mindfully watch your words and actions.
Be honest with yourself.
Reacquaint yourself with you.
Allow yourself forgiveness.
Celebrate yourself.
Explore your world.
1. Engage your heart by stilling your mind. Meditate. Walk. Do something to get out of your thinking telling you your heart is broken. It isn’t. It’s just hurting because your breathing and thinking is tied up in thoughts of what he did to hurt you. It wasn’t about you. It was always about him.
In your meditation whisper:
Like me, he is seeking to be loved and this is the only way he knows how.
Like me, he has experienced pain, sorrow, and sadness and is looking for a way to avoid feeling them again.
Like me, he only knows this way he is choosing to behave.
And if you can say nothing else, repeat a hundred x ten times a day: I forgive him. I release him.
2. Mindfully watch everything you do and say. Become conscious of your choices knowing that they are always a reflection of your thinking and your thinking will always create how you are feeling and your experience in this moment.
Ask yourself — what do I want to feel in this moment? What is my intention for the day? Tell yourself you are capable of having what you want by reminding yourself what you’re capable of”¦
I wish to feel peace.
I want to feel peace.
I can feel peace.
I choose to be at peace in this moment now. In my choosing peace in this moment, I create the path for peace to appear in the next moment and the next and the next. I am the source of my thinking, my feelings, my actions and I choose to be responsible for my choices.
3. Be honest with yourself. Your healing will only progress to the degree that you are willing to be completely honest with yourself.
His actions were never about you. His actions, words, what he did were always about him.
You do not matter to him. He was not ”˜out to get you’. He was out to get what he wanted to make his life have meaning.
It wasn’t personal. He didn’t set out to hurt you. He set out to protect himself. He set out with the belief that ”˜you’ were a way for him to feel good about himself. You couldn’t be his way to feeling good about himself. You are not that powerful. Making him feel good about himself is not your job. Feeling good about yourself is your job. It is your responsibility. You get to choose how you feel about yourself. Be honest — are your choices making you feel better about yourself or worse? Is your thinking giving you what you want or is it taking from you what you need to Love yourself exactly the way you are?
4. Reacquaint yourself with you — remind yourself about who you were before he came into your life. Remember the things you did that said — I am a magnificent human being.
Did you used to volunteer at a hospital? At a homeless shelter? Did you used to do things that created value in your life, that created value in the world around you? Remind yourself of your power to do things that make a difference. If you could do those things then, you can do those things now. Let go of ”˜used to’ and get doing. Remind yourself of those things. You need to get moving. Get doing. Get being who you believe yourself to be. Who you say you are. Do them now. Do them again and again. Get involved and get into action.
5. Allow yourself the gift of forgiveness. Forgive yourself. Forgive him. Forgive anyone and anything who ever hurt you.
Holding onto pockets of unforgiveness limits your experience of your life free of his abuse. Forgive him. Remember, it wasn’t personal. He didn’t set out to destroy you. He was just doing what he does and you happened to be in his path. He has since, ”˜gotten over you’. He is off doing what he does in someone else’s life. What’s in it for you to hold onto his bad behavior after he’s gone? Forgive him. Forgive yourself. You didn’t know this would happen. You didn’t know you would be so hurt. So broken. So sad. And it’s okay. Forgive yourself and breathe into forgiveness all the loving kindness you possess.
6. Celebrate everything about you. Celebrate your magnificence. Your brilliance. Your light — even when the voices inside would tell you you’re not — celebrate yourself for all you’re worth! You are worth living it up for. Take yourself out on a date. Do something fun and whacky. Go to the zoo. Go bungee jumping. Take dance lessons. Learn a new skill. Celebrate everything about you in everything you do.
7. Explore life. Life isn’t about searching for the right answers, or the perfect you. Life is in the experience of living it. It’s about exploring your beliefs, what beliefs you want to hold onto and those you need to let go of because they’re not working for you any more. If believing he hurt you causes you pain, let go of the belief. If thinking of him makes you sad, explore new thoughts.
Life is in discovering where you’re at is exactly where you are meant to be. Explore this place you’re at right now. Explore your perimeters., Explore your life beyond this place where you find yourself caught up in living small, living less than your dreams.
Get up. Get moving. Quit talking about him. Quit explaining to yourself and anyone who will listen why what he did was so wrong. Wrong or right, it is what he did and all the explanations in the world will never make sense of his nonsense — so give it up. Let it go. Engage yourself in your life. Engage yourself in shining so bright upon your path the whole world lights up around you.
EMBRACE what is. And, if the thought it should be some other way interferes, embrace it and love it to death, or at least until it doesn’t hurt you any more to believe it should be some other way. It isn’t. It can’t be. Embrace what is, love yourself as you are and let yourself go to that place where you are free to explore and experience life on your terms. Free to love fearlessly. To live with abandon. To dance in the rain and run naked through wildflower strewn meadows. It is, and always has been, your choice to embrace what is and live it up for all you’re worth!
Are you willing to do it? It is your life. No one else can live it for you.
re hiding out – and get a remailer, so that your email cannot be traced. also use gmail – it’s harder to trace, and an email address that shows another country, like snooky@yahoo.UK
i have a list of this stuff – either that the ppath pulled or that i have used to counter her.
One,
the pain comes from what? ouch? but what from? Does smoking pot help?
would like to see the list! a remailer? What is that?
Was just making up new names on a numerology site. Amusing.
snooky – it’s nerve pain – combo of fibro being triggered and the inflammation in my body from the reaction to toxins. hands are extremely swollen – i have tissue flares in my hands right now that i have never seen before. shooting pains up and down my arms. hips, ankles knees shoulders neck – everything is constricted, and i am just bagged….fatigued. i have not been doing well, getting progressively worse the last while – then started this pain study and did some tiny little movements at last weeks class that just took me out.
i have contacted the bowen practitioner – maybe she can help. i can’t handle this, and i can’t keep swallowing morphine.
will make list when hands r good.
can’t smoke pot.
@....... one, I am so sorry to read that you are in so much pain.
I’ll send positive cyber vibes your way, and here is a (((hug))).
Thank you OxDrover. I understand what you’re saying. The “Stuff” is keeping a prisoner as well. All I can think about is the house, the 2 car garage, and the 3 storage spaces full of MY “Stuff” that I don’t want him to have. None of which he bought or paid for.
Tonight the s*^t hit the fan. He got drunk and started yelling and calling me names. I said things I shouldn’t have said. Things that don’t really matter… about him cheating on me. Now he said he’s either I move out or he’s leaving.
He said if he has to move he’s turning off the power, the cable, and the cell phones. I feel frantic and scared. I don’t know what to do.
I’m afraid that I’m going to be such a mess that I’m going to want to find out where he’s at, what he’s doing, and who he’s seeing. The thought of it makes me feel crazy.
One….if you change your mind on the pot idea……i’ve got a great connection for bulk weed! 🙂 but ya gotta hurry….you’ve got until sept to make up your mind.
Sounds like he’s got pharmaceutical connections now too!
He could be a handy dude to be ‘connected’ to. NOT!
I sure hope you find some relief……if your symptoms are getting worse…..you need to look at what your holding onto in your body! I think this ‘mission’ could be taking your body down.
Take GOOD care of yourself!!!!
Snookers…..what is your neumerological name!
Bailey:
Get him out….and don’t allow the threats to keep you hostage!
Learn how to bite your tongue….as NOTHING you have to say will ever be heard by him.
If he offered to leave……take him up on it!
Call the utility co. they have aid if money is an issue……get a prepaid phone or transfer your number into your name.
Take care of yourself……and never allow another person to instill fear and dependancy in you…..THIS IS ABUSE!!!
GET HIM GONE GIRL!!!
One_step, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re having such a tough time.
I was “diagnosed” with RA after a series of events had virtually collapsed my immune system. I was unable to walk, sleep, stand, sit, and being a fine artist and potter, I could neither paint or work in clay due to the “condition.”
Instead of the prescribed medications, I went the holistic route. The rheumatoid arthritis diagnosis was confirmed by a simple blood test which, 6 months later, was refuted by a rheumatalogist via more tests and x-rays. This was after I had been practicing a specific potocol that my partner had devised for me in between the time that I was diagnosed, and was able to see a rheumatologist (appointments were backed up THAT long) – neither professional could explain the initial diagnosis or the apparent lack of RA factors and symptoms.
I have noticed that a great number of people who have experienced domestic violence/abuse and/or encounters with spaths often develop immune disorders and chronic illnesses. I think this points to the physical toll that the emotional abuse takes on us. We spend ALL our time and energies being forced to walk on eggshells, dance around truth, giving in to deceptions, and attempting to manage the verbal, emotional, financial, sexual, physical, and spiritual abuse.
I used to fall down, break bones, and was sick all of the time when I was still with the ex spath. I mean, I was always sick. Though I’ve never, to this day, met a physician who will agree that the body’s method of coping with the emotional turmoil is to manifest it via physiology, it is my firm belief that this negativity, this insanity, this EMOTIONAL abuse must manifest itself in some way – the body must purge the mind of this drama/trauma and it does so by focusing our mind’s attention on something physical. Falling. Infections. Reduced/dissolved immune systems. Etc. NOTICE how many Survivors (and, victims) either experienced these things, or developed long-term disorders.
For Survivors, I would strongly urge that, now you’re out and can attend to your Self (that Life’s Spark that makes each of us unique), begin taking a deliberate interest in your physical health, as well as emotional healing. Vitamin C with ROSE HIPS can be taken up to 6000mg per day without producing kidney stones like other sources of C will – boost your immune system. Vitamins B-Complex can assist in overall mood stabilization. St. John’s Wort is not something that I would suggest – it’s too specific for my likes. Cutting refined sugar intake, DIET SODA (literally poison, if you read the ingredients), regular sodas (100 empty calories in every 8 ounces), processed foods (do you really know what you’re eating?), and the rest will help to cleanse the physical system and allow our brains to function a bit better. Even doing a simple and inexpensive cleanse can get the physical toxins out of our bodies and we literally feel so much better for it.
Think about the Self. Think about what we, as Survivors, deserve. We should be treating ourselves (and, our children) like 24K gold. When our bodies are flagging, our mental processes tend to take a tumble, as well, and vice versa.
We are OUT and on the healing path! That means physical healing, as well!!!!
Brightest blessings to everyone, on this glorious day.