Seven steps to healing the lovesick heart.
We’ve all had them. Those icky, sticky, yucky feelings of love gone wrong. The sense of loss. Of abandonment. Of feeling devalued and discarded. Of being ”˜less than’ the light of love in our lover’s eyes. We’ve all had them and sometimes, those feelings linger for longer than is healthy for us to reclaim our sense of self-worth, of beauty, of joy in our essence of being alive.
EMBRACE yourself. You’ve got all you need to hold onto
is a seven step process that guides you through letting go of the love that was (and will never be again) into loving what is and will always be within you. You. Whole and complete. Living the 3Ms of self-eMPOWERED YOU! Magnificent! Miraculous! Marvelous!
EMBRACE:
Engage your heart. Still your mind.
Mindfully watch your words and actions.
Be honest with yourself.
Reacquaint yourself with you.
Allow yourself forgiveness.
Celebrate yourself.
Explore your world.
1. Engage your heart by stilling your mind. Meditate. Walk. Do something to get out of your thinking telling you your heart is broken. It isn’t. It’s just hurting because your breathing and thinking is tied up in thoughts of what he did to hurt you. It wasn’t about you. It was always about him.
In your meditation whisper:
Like me, he is seeking to be loved and this is the only way he knows how.
Like me, he has experienced pain, sorrow, and sadness and is looking for a way to avoid feeling them again.
Like me, he only knows this way he is choosing to behave.
And if you can say nothing else, repeat a hundred x ten times a day: I forgive him. I release him.
2. Mindfully watch everything you do and say. Become conscious of your choices knowing that they are always a reflection of your thinking and your thinking will always create how you are feeling and your experience in this moment.
Ask yourself — what do I want to feel in this moment? What is my intention for the day? Tell yourself you are capable of having what you want by reminding yourself what you’re capable of”¦
I wish to feel peace.
I want to feel peace.
I can feel peace.
I choose to be at peace in this moment now. In my choosing peace in this moment, I create the path for peace to appear in the next moment and the next and the next. I am the source of my thinking, my feelings, my actions and I choose to be responsible for my choices.
3. Be honest with yourself. Your healing will only progress to the degree that you are willing to be completely honest with yourself.
His actions were never about you. His actions, words, what he did were always about him.
You do not matter to him. He was not ”˜out to get you’. He was out to get what he wanted to make his life have meaning.
It wasn’t personal. He didn’t set out to hurt you. He set out to protect himself. He set out with the belief that ”˜you’ were a way for him to feel good about himself. You couldn’t be his way to feeling good about himself. You are not that powerful. Making him feel good about himself is not your job. Feeling good about yourself is your job. It is your responsibility. You get to choose how you feel about yourself. Be honest — are your choices making you feel better about yourself or worse? Is your thinking giving you what you want or is it taking from you what you need to Love yourself exactly the way you are?
4. Reacquaint yourself with you — remind yourself about who you were before he came into your life. Remember the things you did that said — I am a magnificent human being.
Did you used to volunteer at a hospital? At a homeless shelter? Did you used to do things that created value in your life, that created value in the world around you? Remind yourself of your power to do things that make a difference. If you could do those things then, you can do those things now. Let go of ”˜used to’ and get doing. Remind yourself of those things. You need to get moving. Get doing. Get being who you believe yourself to be. Who you say you are. Do them now. Do them again and again. Get involved and get into action.
5. Allow yourself the gift of forgiveness. Forgive yourself. Forgive him. Forgive anyone and anything who ever hurt you.
Holding onto pockets of unforgiveness limits your experience of your life free of his abuse. Forgive him. Remember, it wasn’t personal. He didn’t set out to destroy you. He was just doing what he does and you happened to be in his path. He has since, ”˜gotten over you’. He is off doing what he does in someone else’s life. What’s in it for you to hold onto his bad behavior after he’s gone? Forgive him. Forgive yourself. You didn’t know this would happen. You didn’t know you would be so hurt. So broken. So sad. And it’s okay. Forgive yourself and breathe into forgiveness all the loving kindness you possess.
6. Celebrate everything about you. Celebrate your magnificence. Your brilliance. Your light — even when the voices inside would tell you you’re not — celebrate yourself for all you’re worth! You are worth living it up for. Take yourself out on a date. Do something fun and whacky. Go to the zoo. Go bungee jumping. Take dance lessons. Learn a new skill. Celebrate everything about you in everything you do.
7. Explore life. Life isn’t about searching for the right answers, or the perfect you. Life is in the experience of living it. It’s about exploring your beliefs, what beliefs you want to hold onto and those you need to let go of because they’re not working for you any more. If believing he hurt you causes you pain, let go of the belief. If thinking of him makes you sad, explore new thoughts.
Life is in discovering where you’re at is exactly where you are meant to be. Explore this place you’re at right now. Explore your perimeters., Explore your life beyond this place where you find yourself caught up in living small, living less than your dreams.
Get up. Get moving. Quit talking about him. Quit explaining to yourself and anyone who will listen why what he did was so wrong. Wrong or right, it is what he did and all the explanations in the world will never make sense of his nonsense — so give it up. Let it go. Engage yourself in your life. Engage yourself in shining so bright upon your path the whole world lights up around you.
EMBRACE what is. And, if the thought it should be some other way interferes, embrace it and love it to death, or at least until it doesn’t hurt you any more to believe it should be some other way. It isn’t. It can’t be. Embrace what is, love yourself as you are and let yourself go to that place where you are free to explore and experience life on your terms. Free to love fearlessly. To live with abandon. To dance in the rain and run naked through wildflower strewn meadows. It is, and always has been, your choice to embrace what is and live it up for all you’re worth!
Are you willing to do it? It is your life. No one else can live it for you.
BailyG.
if you’re in Britain can you give simaritans a call? http://www.samaritans.org/
They’re ace if you need to talk to someone and get things off your chest:)xx Talking is sometimes better than typing! The other people you could speak to are Mind – it deals with mental health but it doesn’t mean youre mental! they have so many resources and they are really good for finding out what resources are in your area for REAL LIFE support specific for YOU. http://www.mind.org.uk/help/advice_lines. If you are Not in GB, google services in you’re area.xxxxxx Big loves! I remember feeling like (I THINK) you are not so long ago…xxxxx
@GBailey as blue skies says give the simaritans a call. If you are depressed get help. If not you may be suffering from Post traumatic stress.
If its any consolation. I lost everything financially too and I have two children to support. The way I got my head round ot was that it is a recession and that I could have lost everything in a recession. I too didn’t want to wake up and had nightmares for weeks I was diagnosed with Post traumatic stress and after having treatment I have been so much better since.
Your ex wants to take your power away by and would love it every single time he knows you are upset and hurt. Dont give them the pleasure
Go and have a look here Really useful site.
http://www.bullyonline.org/stress/ptsd.htm#Symptoms
Listen to the good advice here and go get some help x x x
BaileyG,
Please don’t feel like you’re alone. We have all been there. First, you need to talk to a professional. You are suffering from depression (who wouldn’t?) and you need to possibly get some RX for that. Also, you should take care of yourself. Are you eating correctly? When your body is going through so much stress it depletes itself of vitamins and minerals, your immune system can also take a dip. It really might help to see a physician. Seek legal help too if possible. There are free services out there if you look for them.
Sociopaths set you up to fail. It’s the only way they feel any power. But just remember that they are shallow and you are deep. In my situation, I was 150 miles from home, no money, no friends and no close family. Focus on yourself first then make plan. You are stronger than you think. My life took a turn for the better just by calling an old friend.
Remember the person you were before he came along. Hugs!
@used Brauer
Remember the person you were before he came along ! Absolutely
Baily G.
No, you are not alone. We will all give you hugs and hold your hand, anytime. Re-connect with some old friends, who cares if he doesn’t like it. He has put you in a place where you are totally dependent on him to control you. Take your control back. Baby steps.
Also, depression strikes so many of us. You may need some help getting back on your feet, it will give you more clarity in your situation.
You can do it, just get through the day, focus on yourself and not him. You’re lost right now, but you won’t always be.
BailyG, we’ve all been where you are, and some of us still are. The fear, depression, despair, and all of the rest is part and parcel of living in an insane environment. You’re not nuts, it’s the spath that’s nuts.
Just to let you know, I recently had a similar occurance with former spath “friend” when her cell phone “dialed” my cell phone and I overheard a conversation that I was never meant to hear. Yes, it’s devastating, because I had no idea that these were the things that she was saying about me behind my back.
To get out, there are organizations that will help you formulate an exit plan. They’ll guide you as to what you need to pack, how to prepare, and when to do it. Even if you have no money (as I did), things WILL WORK OUT. If you have trusted family members or friends, talk to them. But, be very, very cautious about whom you speak with. ANY friends that know you both are not to be trusted.
Forget the Stuff – things can be replaced, but a human soul cannot.
Brightest blessings to you.
Talking about the “stuff”…it was very important to me (at the time) to take all of the things that meant so much to me when I left the spath. It seemed like that’s all I had to hang on to. I guess it was my state of mind. The funny thing is, as I have healed, I have slowly gotten rid of anything that ever reminded me of him. I have no desire to even look at the wedding pictures, etc. and looking back, I wish I had just walked away with only the things I had “before” him. I even sold a lot of HIS things on eBay! It has been very cleansing.
Bailey,
“GOD, where are you!!!!! ”
He’s right there with you, counting every tear and loving you every minute of every day. He will bring you out of this.
I sincerely give so much thanks to all of you. Your words of kindness and support mean a lot to me. I can’t really talk to anyone I know about this. They’ve all abandoned me because of him. My dad doesn’t support me at all. He figures I’ve done something to deserve all this. He’s another spath.
I don’t want to leave him with anything. Everything here is what I brought into this so-called marriage. I would rather give it all away to people who deserve it if I can’t take it with me. I want him to suffer and struggle. But it will never compare to what I’ve had to go through with him… or because of him.
I have to go. He’s almost home. But thank you all again. Many many hugs to you.
Bailey
Dear Bailey,
I do understand somewhat about the “stuff”—but as I released that HOLD ON ME, that SLAVERY to STUFF I realized that NONE OF THE THINGS matter in the end. No one takes a U-Haul to the grave! Stuff is NOT what it’s all about. I realize now that I can leave here with nothing but a back pack and a couple of changes of clothes and still be OKAY. The more stuff you have the less it really means except as a ball and chain to your leg, holding you back from freedom.
The things that mean something, REALLY mean something are INSIDE YOUR SOUL, and only if you let him take it can he do so. It took me a long time to realize the lesson about STUFF that God was teaching me. Like Job, He blessed me with a lovely home, a farm, lots of “nice stuff”—but it can all disappear in a tornado, an earthquake, or a psychopath, but NONE OF IT MATTERS IF I STILL HAVE ME. I can’t trade ME for the STUFF. Even if the P “gets all the STUFF” he is still a bankrupt nothing. I am still WEALTHY becvause I have me!
Lay up “treasures in Heaven” where neither thief nor moth nor rust can ruin them. HEAVEN IS RIGHT INSIDE YOUR HEAD! IN YOUR HEART! That’s what’s important. That’s the WIN, the Ps are empty inside and try to fill the VOID with STUFF, but they are still EMPTY! (((Hugs)))) and God bless you.