I searched the scientific literature for the best description of a female sociopath. None rivaled this one that is more than 4,000 years old:
For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey,
and her speech is smoother than oil,
but in the end she is bitter as wormwood,
sharp as a two-edged sword.
Her feet go down to death;
her steps follow the path to Sheol;
she does not ponder the path of life;
her ways wander, and she does not know it.
And now, O sons, listen to me,
and do not depart from the words of my mouth.
Keep your way far from her,
and do not go near the door of her house,
lest you give your honor to others
and your years to the merciless,
lest strangers take their fill of your strength,
and your labors go to the house of a foreigner (Proverbs 5:4-10)
Notice that the writer identifies the slick speech of a sociopath as well as the results of being fooled by her. He also identifies the profound lack of insight found in this disorder. Sociopathic women 4,000 years ago were also apparently using their sex appeal to con men out of money and possessions. This is indeed nothing new!
There is something inherently more repulsive and unbelievable about a female sociopath. Women by nature are preprogrammed to learn empathy and care-taking, the antithesis of sociopathic behavior. Indeed, one of the best indicators of sociopathy in a women is seen when the woman fails to care for her own child. It would seem then, that we would all be revolted by a female sociopath, so why do men become victims?
My own theory, which has been corroborated by many men who have written to Lovefraud, is that men accidentally fall victim to sociopathic women when they have sex with them. You see, normal men experience bonding just like normal women-especially when the sex is good. The sex with a female sociopath (I’m told) isn’t just good, it’s better than most mortal men have ever hoped for. Once hooked on the female sociopath, men become victims just as much as the women who become hooked on the male sociopath. Many male victims feel ashamed and emasculated. But, take heart guys, she actually preyed on the more masculine side of your nature, your enjoyment of sex!
Why are successful female sociopaths so sexual and so sexually appealing? Science does have some answers for us here. Testosterone which is elevated in many male sociopaths is also elevated in female sociopaths. Studies of non-disordered women indicate that higher testosterone levels are associated with increased sex drive, increased sexual activity and YES sexual attractiveness to men! High testosterone makes both male and female sociopaths sexually appealing. Testosterone may also be related to the lack of parenting behavior seen in sociopathic women. Women with higher testosterone have been found to be less interested in motherhood.
Men who have married and fathered children with sociopathic women face special challenges. They deserve all our love and support. The courts often do not recognize that a sociopathic woman is incapable of functioning as a mother. Fathers are left to helplessly watch as precious children suffer at the hands of their mother.
The courts would be wise to get smart and take heed because studies of adopted children reveal a terrible truth about female sociopaths. Female sociopaths carry stronger genes for the disorder than do males. A mother is more likely to pass this trait to children she has never met than is a father.
Even with a biologic mother who is a sociopath, children can do well if they receive exceptionally good parenting. If you are a man facing this situation, I invite you to visit Tips for Single Fathers, and to write Lovefraud with your story. We hope to one day be in the position to lobby for the rights of children of both male and female sociopaths.
to why-can’t-they-see,
I believe I read some of your stuff in the past. I recognize the “T-Rex” thing. I don’t have my book handy but did you write “Tears and Healing.” If you did, it was the beginning of my journey that eventually landed me here. I was a BASKET CASE when I read that book and it began to release me.
If you didn’t write that book, I know I read your stuff somewhere and it did help me over a year ago so I thank you. :o) I was reading a lot about the time that I found that book.
The Bible contains many many stories about psychopaths, male and female, and about parents who enable them. The story of King David and his son Absalom (II Samuel) about Jezebel and her husband Ahab, about other good Men of God who enabled their sons to be psychopathic abusers of the people and did nothing to stop them. In fact, the Jewish law even allowed a parent to kill a son who was a psychopath.
Even if you are not a believer, there are many good stories there that are very illustrative of psychopathic behavior in both men and women. Sampson and Delilah is another example.
It is interesting to me, too, that the character traits of the psychopath have been noted by people literally thousands of years ago and in such detail.
To Alohatraveler
Thanks a lot for your reply. It was really comforting reading it.
It seems like you know what I’m talking about, especially about the “undoing” of my accomplishments (in which would make me proud under different circumstances).
FlyingMan,
Words can be powerful. Most people use them more carefully than a Sociopath… or maybe it’s the other way around? Sociopath’s seem to instinctively know our fears, worries, and weaknesses and they go right for it with a viciousness most people have never experienced. With this, they take us down to the mat like a pro wrestler and we didn’t see it coming. Chances are, you gave her all your insecurities early on… like on your first dates. Did she ask lots of questions about you? They pull every detail about you, out of you… which hooks you and makes you feel so understood and cared about… now they have the Ammo they need to take you down… and FAST!
Does this sound familiar? It’s like braiwashing. There are books on that and there is a method. You have just gone through this and you didn’t even know. It’s designed that way… for you not to realize.
I am sure she has told you horrible things about yourself. One way to counteract this is to ask your lifelong friends and family to describe who you are… there you will find the answer. I have found that loved ones can be generous this way if you just ask. I don’t know you but I will start if for you… Wow Flyingman! Look at all those diplomas! You must be very hard working and committed to knowledge and growth! (I bet you there is more truth in that than anything your Bad Woman said!)
See… even strangers can be generous. :o)
I just signed up today. Ive been reading the blogs here and thought Id throw in my two cents. Im 44 and am about 5 months out of a relationship with a female soci. Wow. What a trip. Didnt see that coming. My story is text book to most others. I didnt know what she was till after it ended.
Betrayal and disrespect by people we give our hearts to. The main reason I wanted to write a few sentences on the subject, is not to tell my story, but to tell people who have lived this nightmare not to beat yourself up for too long. They’re not worth it! Some people in life are just wired wrong. It is what it is. A favorite saying someone told me recently is ” ya cat shine s**t. After scaping my heart up off the floor, and reinstalling it, I am much smarter and wiser than ever before. If another soci ever does come my way again, they wont be there long!!! Love is giving someone the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to. Choose wisely. Lesson learned. :-}
Nice one Sunshower (I like your name!)!!
Bible , Bible ,Bible, Bible, God ,God ,God God,
Seems to me there is a common theme here but that could just be ME!
OK folks , heres the raw uncensored version of my experience with what I believe was a 100% psychopathic woman and my analysis of what I believe was actually going on as apposed to what I orginally thought . At the beginning the sex was out of this world but only because the psychopathic woman I was with had her act down pat . I am sure that this woman could have made a fortune as a prostitute . One time while we were having a few beers she mentioned to me that , first time sex was best . When I asked her about this comment the next day she denied saying it . Alcohol was almost like truth serum to her . So what was actually going on . To her , sex was a power tool , a way to get a guy hooked . Once she percieved that I had fallen in love with her the personally facade evaporated to reveal the true monster that she was . I do not believe that one can truely understand the psychopath by studying how much testesterone they have in their bodies . The T levels may be a fact , but what comes first the chicken or the egg . When A guy falls in love with a psychopathic woman or a woman with a psychopathic man what is actually going on . In my case I believe that the psychopath studies their victim and becomes them in a phoney type of way . Theres a saying that goes like this , opposites attrack . The rest of the saying is , people who are alike stay together . The psychopath knows this instinctively and so tries to become the same as their victim . The victim is actually falling in love with themselves , this is how the victim is hooked . Call it vanity if you like . There is another saying , in order to love someone you must first love thy self , or something like that . It is this self love that the psychopath understands and so the concept of mirroring comes about . When you fall in love with a psychopath you are falling in love with an image of oneself . This is a lethal trap , especially when the psychopath decides that they do not need to pretend anymore . Back to the sex thing . It is my belief that psychopaths do not really like sex at all . They know how to play the game and they will appear at first to be as sexy as can be . However once the victim is hooked that is basically when the sexual activity fades away . The victim is left wondering what the hell happened to the incredible sex life that once existed . The truth is , that for the psychopath that sex life never really existed at all . It was just a facade to get the victim hooked .
Once the psychopath has hooked their victim it is shut down time , meaning total mental shut down of the victim , into a zombie if you like . becoming the perfect prisoner and slave . Interestingly enough it is not just the logical mind that is shut down but also a lot of other aspects of the mind as well . From my own experience and from what I have read , people who have been in a relationship with a psychopath experience physical sickness as well as mental type confusion . Is the bodies immune system being shut down as well as the mental functions . One thing is for sure , never underestimate the power of a psychopath . To people I know , I have said many times , I do not believe in GOD but I sure as hell know where the devil is hiding . In normal life the average person is using less than 10% of their brain . What is going on in a psychopaths brain and how much are they using or are they just using different parts . Whatever the case keep these things in mind. If it doesn’t make sense , then its probably nonsense . Psychopaths are merchants of nonsense and distorted reality . Reality is your one defense against a psychopath , hang on to it at all costs
Wow I read your article and all I can say is that your a very strong person and never give up in what you believe in. I never knew a sociopath woman, only a guy. I can relate to the molesting in your child and how you feel about that even though it wasnt your ex who did it. my sociopath had fantasies about that. Its very distburing. Just be there for her no matter what and be the best dad you can be!
quest,
welcome.
I read somewhere that the illness in the body is the body’s way of alerting you to danger around you. I was sick for 20 years. I know part of it was my hyper alertness, but then again, when I left him he went and took all the food out of the refrigerator and took it to the dump. So, I can only assume that he was poisoning me and needed to eliminate the evidence without pointing to one particular food item. He had often mentioned how easy I would be to poison because I took so many vitamin pills. That was his way of throwing me off track. Anyway. They are not above ANYTHING, so don’t eat anything that she has been around. Not meant to make you paranoid, just wiser.