I searched the scientific literature for the best description of a female sociopath. None rivaled this one that is more than 4,000 years old:
For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey,
and her speech is smoother than oil,
but in the end she is bitter as wormwood,
sharp as a two-edged sword.
Her feet go down to death;
her steps follow the path to Sheol;
she does not ponder the path of life;
her ways wander, and she does not know it.
And now, O sons, listen to me,
and do not depart from the words of my mouth.
Keep your way far from her,
and do not go near the door of her house,
lest you give your honor to others
and your years to the merciless,
lest strangers take their fill of your strength,
and your labors go to the house of a foreigner (Proverbs 5:4-10)
Notice that the writer identifies the slick speech of a sociopath as well as the results of being fooled by her. He also identifies the profound lack of insight found in this disorder. Sociopathic women 4,000 years ago were also apparently using their sex appeal to con men out of money and possessions. This is indeed nothing new!
There is something inherently more repulsive and unbelievable about a female sociopath. Women by nature are preprogrammed to learn empathy and care-taking, the antithesis of sociopathic behavior. Indeed, one of the best indicators of sociopathy in a women is seen when the woman fails to care for her own child. It would seem then, that we would all be revolted by a female sociopath, so why do men become victims?
My own theory, which has been corroborated by many men who have written to Lovefraud, is that men accidentally fall victim to sociopathic women when they have sex with them. You see, normal men experience bonding just like normal women-especially when the sex is good. The sex with a female sociopath (I’m told) isn’t just good, it’s better than most mortal men have ever hoped for. Once hooked on the female sociopath, men become victims just as much as the women who become hooked on the male sociopath. Many male victims feel ashamed and emasculated. But, take heart guys, she actually preyed on the more masculine side of your nature, your enjoyment of sex!
Why are successful female sociopaths so sexual and so sexually appealing? Science does have some answers for us here. Testosterone which is elevated in many male sociopaths is also elevated in female sociopaths. Studies of non-disordered women indicate that higher testosterone levels are associated with increased sex drive, increased sexual activity and YES sexual attractiveness to men! High testosterone makes both male and female sociopaths sexually appealing. Testosterone may also be related to the lack of parenting behavior seen in sociopathic women. Women with higher testosterone have been found to be less interested in motherhood.
Men who have married and fathered children with sociopathic women face special challenges. They deserve all our love and support. The courts often do not recognize that a sociopathic woman is incapable of functioning as a mother. Fathers are left to helplessly watch as precious children suffer at the hands of their mother.
The courts would be wise to get smart and take heed because studies of adopted children reveal a terrible truth about female sociopaths. Female sociopaths carry stronger genes for the disorder than do males. A mother is more likely to pass this trait to children she has never met than is a father.
Even with a biologic mother who is a sociopath, children can do well if they receive exceptionally good parenting. If you are a man facing this situation, I invite you to visit Tips for Single Fathers, and to write Lovefraud with your story. We hope to one day be in the position to lobby for the rights of children of both male and female sociopaths.
Duder –
Congratulations on taking control of your life and getting help with living with BiPolar Disorder. GOOD FOR YOU!!!
Keep going in the direction that lends you what you deserve and need and want in a healthy life/healthy relationship. For yourself. For your kids.
Does your wife respect you? And show it?
Does she value you? And show it?
Does she love you? And show it?
Does she have her priorities and goals right? Show it? Are they in line with yours?
Does she make you feel like you are a good person ? Her actions? Does she treat you right? Behind closed doors as well as in public?
Do you have to hide your true feelings about things for fear of upsetting the applecart?
Are you ever concerned about your kids with her – her ability to care for them and give them proper nurturing and attention?
Does she use you?
Does she verbally abuse you?
Does she physically abuse you?
Do you feel alone and lonely with her — yet hold the title of her husband/partner?
Are you afraid to be your true self with her?
Does it matter if she is diagnosed a sociopath or selfish or narcissist or personality disordered? Will a particular diagnosis make or break your decision whether to stay or not in an unhealthy relationship for you and your kids?
There are no RIGHT AND WRONG ANSWERS TO THESES QUESTIONS…Just things to think about.
Its obvious you love her. And she is or was very special to you. Aside from having fallen in love with her years ago and having children with her — what is it about her today – here and now – in the present reality you are living with her — what is about her that you are in love with now?
Does she think anything is remotely wrong with her? Does she want to change anything about herself (that has nothing to do with her looks, her body) — but her personality and connection to you , your family? Does she strive to become a better person or is she content with her choices and who she is? Is she ok with not being close to you and sharing the things you feel are important to you and your family? Because this is where – if the answers are she really doesnt have a problem with the way she is — then this is the person you will be with forever. Sociopathic or not — this is the real her. She WILL NOT CHANGE – IF SHE HAS NO DESIRE TO. And as with being bi-polar – you know the choice had to come from within you to do something about it and change your ways, your life – for the better. Good for you. Keep at it! You deserve happiness and love and honesty and healthy relationships.
Dear Duder,
First off I HEAR YOUR PAIN! Secondly, I would like to say you have come too the RIGHT PLACE to learn. I suggest you go back to the old archived articles and read read READ. Knowledge is power!
Learn about sociopaths/psychopaths and the narcissistic thinking they do. Your wife, at best, sounds very very selfish to me. You and your children sound as if you want her to love you, but do not FEEL that love.
Love is NOT just a “feeling” it is an ACTION. Look at her ACTIONS not her “words>” Does she TREAT you like she loves you? From the descriptions you have given, I would say the answer to that is NO, but you are the one who must decide.
Also, you have children with this woman as well. This complicates the issue because if you decide to divorce this woman, will your children be better or worse off?
People who thend to “blame others” for their own unhappiness will becoome very vindictive if that person does not continue to “TAKE THE BLAME” (such as in a divorce action) and may use the children as weapons to hurt the other parent.
KNOWLEDGE IS POWER so read and learn. You are in a supportive enviornment here, welcome. Each poster here has been through “the fire” ourselves with a pain that only those who have experienced it can be called “crazy making.”
Being bi-polar and having found treatment that is successful gives you an insight that some people with “big problems” can be helped. Unfortunately with narcissism, psychopathy etc. there IS NO TREATMENT. They do not want threatment in any case, as they see themselves as above everyone else. Entitled to anything they want, when they want it, and do not care thatj others are hurt. Some even enjoy hurting others. Not all are “serial killers” by any means, but they hurt others none the less, especially their children and spouses.
Keep on reading and learning, and again, WELCOME. God bless.
Wow, learnthelesson that was a reality check.
Your questions were right on and when I answered I realized, there is really nothing in the present relationship to feel good about.
All of you have been such great help I appreciate it so much.
I am 35 and I am still young enough to get out and eventually find a relationship that gives back. I want to spend the last half of my life happy. And it may be the case it will have to be a life without her as my wife.
Duder:
“Does it matter if she is diagnosed a sociopath or selfish or narcissist or personality disordered? Will a particular diagnosis make or break your decision whether to stay or not in an unhealthy relationship for you and your kids?”
This is the truth….
Your not trusting your instincts….your gut….she’s got you so tied up in knots that you are questioning yourself.
Unravel it all with this question…..
ARE YOU HAPPY in this relationship?
It sounds toxic to me!
The doing anything for anyone else resonates with me….we used to say to the S…towards the end….’If we paid you, we’d get what you give the clients’.
Everyone saw the S as so giving….so caring….but that wasn’t the same person we saw at home….selfish to the core….
Recently,he was told by a ‘friend’……”ive never been asked to be someones friend and expect to pay money for it”….
This was totall validation for me.
In reading your post….the skating thing popped out at me…..sounds like a good excuse for an affair?
If my husband needed me, for WHATEVER reason….I’d give up skating practice for a lifetime…..
But…..that’s just me! (and forgive me if I’m way off base).
Your right…..your 35…..take care of ‘business’ and go seek what you desire from LOVE!!!
And I’d give you the same advice if you were 95!
XXOO
Dear Duder,
EB is right, the “diagnosis” or whatever “tag” you hang on to someone does NOT matter, they can all be summed up as TOXIC.
If a relationship is TOXIC it is not good for either YOU or the children.
I still recommend that you LEARN a lot more about your relationship, yourself and the person you are with before you act on lookiing to escape this relationship. Talk to an attorney, and maybe get some supportive counseling as well, and read read read here—all the old articles.
AND, read the artiles here about LEAVING A PSYCHOPATH, the thing is DO NOT GIVE HER ANY ADVANCE WARNING, get your DUCKS IN A ROW legally and financially BEFORE you make a move.
This is not an “underhanded” plan, it is simply SURVIVAL! If you give them any advance warning of your plans I PROMISE YOU IT WILL BITE YOUR BUTT,, and I think everyone here will second me on the truth of that. Since you have children you need to get custody of them if at all possible in order to protect them as much as you can from her. I can promise you as well, that she will make them suffer in order to “get even” with you. SHE WILL NOT play fair or reasonable, and once you make your move, KEEP THAT IN MIND.
Good luck and God bless. Keep on learning. It is our best defense…that and keeping away from them to the extent possible. With children it makes it more difficult, but not impossible at all. One happy parent is much better than two miserable ones. Good luck!
Dear Duder,
you need to get all three of the books by Richard Skerritt. they are called,:Tears and healing”] [the first book,}”Meaning from Madness, and “Being in Love, and Loving it,-or Not. “They are all written by this guy who suffered for years living witha psychopathic wife, who totaly destroyed his confidence, raged at him, belittled him, etc. It was very hard as he, like you, loved his wife, but eventually to save his sanity, he had to leave her. I agree with Oxy, they are so vindictive, and bearing in mind you will have to try to get sole custody of these kids.They dont make good parents. My son in law started out agreeing that they have the kids week about,this was very disruptive and confusing for the 3 kids. However, he now has full custody f them and their Mum has them most weekends, so that he can get time to see his girlfriend. Eventually they get bored with the kids as they take up to much of their time, and they dont make good Mums. So if you hang in there , you MAY get them full time eventually. Oxy is right tho, they wont hesitate to use the kids as pawns, and bad mouth you to them.If you want any kind ofa life, I think you know the answer, you will have to leave her. I hope and pray you get the kids, if so. They NEVER change, and if she isa Narc/sociopath, they have no hope of EVER changing, as they dont ever think they are the problem, its always someone elses fault. She will destroy you if you stay with her.
Love, and Good luck, Gem. Read as much as you can, here on Lovefraud,buy as many of the books as you can, the “betrayal Bond is one of the best.But I think Richard Skerritts will really speak to you, personally. gemXX
From a respectful direction, I took a gander at Transsociopathica’s blog site.
Very interesting and fascinating theories he suggests, such as how the world is undergoing drastic changes, on a material level and a metaphysical one.
I agree wholeheartedly that something strange but also enlightening is happening to all of the planet’s living beings and the earth itself. What that is I wouldn’t even presume to know.
But, I’m a dedicated spiritual Christian and the Holy Bible is the truest source of knowledge, inspiration and healing for me so I will not dismiss the warnings written within it. I would be a flat out hyporcrite if I did such a thing.
Back to the blog. The author describes personality disordered individuals as Demonic Sociopathic Entities. Again, I agree with this label. They are vampires, energy drainers, soul suckers which is exactly how I would expect a demon to behave.
They are its and not he or she. They are the architects of chaos, destruction, violence, depravity, perversions, pain, sorrow and suffering.
They gravitate towards loving, giving, vibrant, kind and generous human beings, twistedly enthralled by our blindingly bright love-lights in an insidious effort to steal that which imbues our very essence. When they fail to take what is impossible, they split. Move on to another innocent human.
The blog master also states that the reason why we are hearing and seeing so many of these humanoids coming out of the woodwork, on the news or on websites like LF, being exposed after many years of cunning manipulation and deceit, is that because of the global changes in all areas, they are losing their ability to restrain themselves and their darker impulses. I also agree with that theory.
I limit myself to reading news websites because the horrors, the heinous foul crimes being committed by empty humanoids shocks and stuns and breaks my heart over and over again. But the sadness and frustration I experience are nothing compared to the fury.
Oh boy, sometimes I think I’m going to actually physically explode by the complete fury I feel when I read or hear of the terrors, the excruiating pain these foul fiends aka demons inflict upon such lovely, wonderful people.
It’s like a beautiful, vastly important, valuable spark of life is just callously snuffed out. Profoundly hurts me to realize such a thing.
The good news is that the righteous and virtuous will always triumph over evil. I say we are winning this spiritual war and we will continue winning this war.
Knowledge, education is the golden key and Lovefraud is only one of many vast libraries this key will open.
Dear sweet Janie,
I agree with your above post 110% and it also makes me angry when I read where people have been abused and especiallyy children. Remember that guy in Europe that had his daughter captive in a bunker for 19 years and had multiple children by her. I was so FILLED WITH RAGE against him for weeks after that article that I was literally almost SICK!
I also realize that NOT knowing about these things isn’t good either, because if you put your head in the sand like an ostrich, it isn’t good either, we do need to know some of the things that are going on in the world, but we don’t need to let them depress and distress us to the point that we can’t function either.
Mother Theresa couldn’t help EVERY homeless dying person in the world, and I know she knew that, but she did what she could for those she could help, and I think we need to realize that we can’t fix every injury in the world, either, but we can put out a hand to help those we can help, and LF is a good place to start.
Donna started this blog, and look at how it has grown and blossomed like a wonderful flower putting out sweet hope and love to so many people who are/were hurting….not every person in pain, not every person who has been abused, but SOME people. So if each of us reaches out to others with what we have learned, it is like ripples on a pond and keeps on spreading and spreading.
The Bible says that if we offer someone something as simple as a cup of water, we have done it to Him. When we help anyone even if they don’t appreciate it, even if when we offer them the water and they reach out and knock it out of our hands, WE have still done our part, even if they don’t appreciate it. It isn’t wasted effort, because the very act of reaching out helps US, if not them.
Janie, you have such a wonderful spirit and it fills my heart with gratitude and love for you! Thanks for being here on LF! (((hugs)))) and God bless.
I made a valentine’s card ”“ a place where we can write love: http://lfvalentinescard.blogspot.com/
please spread the word.
best,
one step
Dearest Oxy Pooh,
Thank you so much for responding to me. Your post was truly lovely and inspiring.
Yeah, I understand that by simply offering to help in any way we can is a good thing. A righteous thing. But sometimes I feel as if I’m not doing enough to help. Do you ever feel like that?
I can’t save the world as I am not the Messiah, the Blessed Savior but I wish to always strive to do more good than harm. And I am suredly not alone as factually proven by all the sterling, beautiful, wonderful folks in the world doing their best to help those in need, easing pain and suffering.
I see them, I do, especially here on LF. Yes, this special internet place has become a radiant beacon of knowledge, understanding, compassion and love for all who wish to share.
Isn’t that superb? Just think, 10 years ago we would have never had such a benefit to know each other, to hold hands and share our energies in positive, healing ways. Truly remarkable.
I will never, ever take all that I have learned and yes, needed to read and feel from LF for granted.
I give credit where credit is due and the sheer volume of lovely folks who have reached out to me (including you, dear friend) and offered altruistic assistance in my own healing and learning journey just blows my mind. And makes my heart swell with love.
None of you should ever seek to change to please anyone. You’re marvelous, spectacular just the way you are.
XXOOXXOOOXX…ad infinitum
🙂