How to recognize and recover from the sociopaths – narcissists in your life › Forums › Lovefraud Community Forum – General › Advice needed; sociopath ex staying very close to my friends
May 31, 2019 at 8:56 am #52728
After a 5 year relationship and since the breakup/in recent months I have realised his sociopathic identity and am now struggling with what to do socially. He has made a point to stay very close with my friends and I have avoided telling them about his sociopathy in fear they will a. not believe me and b. I fear what he is capable of doing in retaliation. What do I do? I shouldn’t have to abandon my friends to avoid him, but on the other hand I desperately want to recover and would do anything to never see him again.
May 31, 2019 at 9:12 am #52730
jellyfish88 – I suggest that you tell your friends that you have broken up with him and you no longer want anything to do with him. You don’t have to tell them that he is a sociopath. You can just say something like, the breakup wasn’t pretty, I don’t want to talk to him, and I would appreciate it if you don’t talk to him either.
You must make up your mind that you will have nothing more to do with him. No Contact. So when he returns, you do not talk to him, no email, no text messages. You must be firm. This is your decision, not his.
May 31, 2019 at 1:59 pm #52732
You are totally right. Revealing to these friends that you believe he is a sociopath may lead to further issues that may alienate you from them, and cause him to become more abusive and vengeful. Donna is correct, simply state you had a difficult breakup and would prefer not to discuss him or the breakup.
I let a couple friends go because they kind of chose him instead of me, and I just didn’t want to hear about him, or give him access to me via them. It was not an easy choice. But, one of them eventually slept with him and ended up in the same situation as me. After all of that we became close and were of great support to one another.
June 3, 2019 at 1:52 am #52768
Great advice, thankyou Donna and Slimone
June 4, 2019 at 10:43 am #52788
He most likely is hanging out or staying close to your friends to further antagonize you, and as a way to stay in your life. I doubt he gives a crap for your friends, they are just tools for whatever devious purpose/motive he has in mind
June 4, 2019 at 10:51 am #52789
and….your friends if not educated in the ways of the sociopath will be slow if ever to recognize this, and probably say something to the effect that he seems like a “nice guy” etc. and will assume the breakup happened for normal reasons, not sociopathic reasons. think carefully who your friends are and what you share with them and if they might in turn talk about you to him.
June 4, 2019 at 1:58 pm #52792
He’s keeping tabs on you through your friends, be careful what you tell your them; if you want to keep details of your private life private talk about the weather!
On a more positive note, I broke up with my ex in August 2015 and I’m practically over it, it’s a bit of a cliché but time does heal.
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