How to recognize and recover from the sociopaths – narcissists in your life › Forums › Sociopaths, narcissists, psychopaths as partners › Behind The Thin Veneer of a Psychopath
July 29, 2021 at 11:11 am #66186Love DefraudedParticipant
As I heal and try to recover from the massive deceit and betrayal from my psychopathic ex, I’ve really dug deep and re-examined his personality traits.
This is what I’ve learned; the psychopath was a puddle, merely masquerading as an ocean (in the words of Sam Vaknin).
Behind the psychopath’s glib, superficial and convincing charm was not but a person but a hallow man.
There were no passions, no hobbies, no meaningful human experience, no joy in the happiness or concern for the suffering of his nearest and dearest. Instead, superficial words with manufactured sincerity. In essence, he was a hollow man with a fabricated personality.
Behind the thinly veiled veneer was a man who secretly gambled, used marijuana excessively, lead a double life, cheated like sex was going out of style while feigning concern for his target – me. This was really him. Behind the gruelling mask of deceit was a man who was a layabout, a user, manipulator and a master exploiter. I was nothing but a cook, cleaner, financier, and a puppet on a string, unwittingly dancing to his tune.
I represented an illusion that the psychopath could manipulate to appear as normal. When, in reality there was no normal – just a deck of cards stacked on quicksand. There was no passion in his life. His energy was consumed by maintaining his masquerade.
The real man behind that crafted illusion had no soul and an inability to form anything beyond what could be described at best as superficial and insincere. There was no real him. No true identity and nothing that resembled the kind and caring person he pretended to be. It was all an act so that he could keep me squirming on his hook for as long as I served a purpose. The moment I had needs? Forget about it. That wasn’t part of his plan. His needs were of top priority and the second I had needs, I was discarded like an old toaster, while he ruthlessly worked his new and existing targets.
The real him was a liar, cheater, user and a manipulator – fixated on his need for constant supply and unhealthy stimulation. His need for that “hit” permeated his entire existence. He thrived on what I’ve learned from Donna Andersen’s books as “Duper’s Delight”. A rush he’d get from pulling one over and acting out his deviant hidden agendas.
There was no real him. Just a disordered, shell of a man.
July 29, 2021 at 11:24 am #66189angel12034Participant
I think you are 100% correct. How do they have time to keep this going? I wish I had that time!!!!! I certainly wouldn’t use it to lie, manipulate, cheat, lie some more to cover up my other lies, etc. It has to be exhausting and I think they are just miserable people who get a thrill every once in a while. That’s not the way I want to live
July 29, 2021 at 7:48 pm #66200sept4Participant
Yes Sam Vaknin has really good writings about this. I’ve read a lot of his articles on his website. Very good explanations.
July 30, 2021 at 12:16 am #66201Jan7Participant
BEWARE!! Sam Vaknin IS a diagnosed sociopath!!!!
Donna wrote about this and you can find a documentary on the net free where a camera team follows him to a big University in Europe & they diagnose him as a sociopath. Sadly, they did not help his wife out of her nightmare of a relationship.
July 30, 2021 at 1:47 am #66202sept4Participant
Yes Sam Vaknin diagnoses himself as a sociopath. He is an admitted sociopath and is self aware of being a sociopath.
That is why his writings are so interesting because he describes from a first person perspective what the sociopath is really like inside. Like he admits that he just uses people and cannot form genuine connections etc.
August 8, 2021 at 6:44 pm #66259RedwaldParticipant
Yes, Sam Vaknin is a diagnosed psychopath, including characteristic brain scans if I remember correctly. His documentary “I, Psychopath” can be found on YouTube–at least part of it anyway. I watched the whole thing some years ago. The lesson here is to learn from what he has to say, while keeping him at a safe distance. Don’t get personally involved with him!
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