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Broke the NC rule

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This topic contains 9 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Anita 1 year, 1 month ago.

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  • #41281

    hope24
    Participant

    I’ve broken the NC rule after 1 week and am feeling gutted, he has just kept on repeating that he is concentrating on himself and his family now and how he feels a weight has been lifted since things have finished between us and how much things have improved between him and his girlfriend now. I honestly feel like I’m the one who is the psycho at the moment. I was the one to end it last time and he just kept on wishing me all the happiness and he hopes I find my prince and live happily ever after. I’m so confused, he just seems so smug about everything and I’m left feeling so worthless 🙁

  • #41290

    pinnacle22
    Participant

    I recently broke the NC rule as well. Are you looking for answers or validation? Remember, they can’t feel so if you’re allowing him to impact you to the point that you feel worthless, you’re giving away your power. Caring is a beautiful trait that shouldn’t be overlooked or misused. But we also can’t look for comfort from someone who never cared for anyone but themselves. Surround yourself with friends and family and work on loving you. When we truly realize what we deserve, we will no longer have the draw to those that drain us.

  • #41291

    hope24
    Participant

    Pinnacle22 thank you for your reply, I think I was and am looking for validation from this guy, and to be honest anyone who will give me it, I really need to work on my self worth, didn’t realise how little I think of myself for the most part. I don’t have many family members who I still have contact with and no close friends as I’ve isolated myself over the years, so just trying to push through this very difficult time.

  • #41292

    Anita
    Participant

    Hope24 and Pinnacle22 – Yes, it’s important to remember that breaking No Contact under any circumstance only serves to perpetuate the sociopath’s game. Contact with these people is like leaping onboard a crazy-go-round that never stops spinning and is validation of the sociopath’s continued control over you only. Mine recently attempted to engage me (having exhausted all other options) with outrageous claims of wanting to return my belongings and repay money. When I relented finally to clarify “Thank you, but don’t bother” that response alone renewed a torrent of disordered diatribe that has lasted for over a week now from various pseudonym accounts. Whether they are trying to fish, system check, hoover or are stonewalling you with their smugness, their objectives are always the same – control and power. Shut it down.

  • #41298

    pinnacle22
    Participant

    I think the thing I struggle with the most is not understanding why someone would be so cruel. I get that narcissists can’t feel but my need to understand is overwhelming at times. Like validation is needed but doesn’t exist. Breaking NC is the same every time. Empty words and broken promises.

  • #41299

    pinnacle22
    Participant

    Hope24,
    I also struggle with validation from others and my need for it. That’s one of the main reasons that I also isolate. Because I can’t understand and I don’t want to feel like this. Self esteem and self worth are tough. I give mine away so freely without thinking what others may do with it. But it shouldn’t matter what they do, it should matter what we do ourselves. Getting there is the hard part.
    I isolate when I feel threatened or when I’m sad or lonely. Which I recognize and want to change. But I don’t want to mask anything, I want to understand so I can change.
    Having the confidence in yourself to push forward takes a lot of strength and courage. Realize that you have shown both by recognizing something that hurts you. The change we are making now will help us be stronger in the future. Even if it hurts for the present. Believe in yourself and that you can be okay and that you’re not alone.

  • #41335

    hope24
    Participant

    Thank you for your reply Anita, you’re right about giving away the control by getting in contact or still allowing him to make me feel worthless. He’s not the first to make me feel this way but I really need him to be the last. It’s still difficult for me to get my head around how some people can be so deficient of feelings, it screws me up. Hope all is well with you and that he’s left you alone now.

  • #41336

    hope24
    Participant

    Hi Pinnacle22,
    I totally agree, it drives me crazy to try and understand how these people can do what they do with no remorse and appear to get away with it. I also isolate my self a lot for the same reason, it’s scary out there not knowing who to trust. I’m doing some extensive work on my boundaries at the minute to see if I can keep myself safe from these types of people. Believe in yourself too, and hopefully we will come out much stronger and wiser.

    • #41337

      Anita
      Participant

      Hi Hope, it really is screwy – and we’re left to face our own demons once we’ve exorcised them from our lives. Embrace the lesson – as painful as it is initially, it’s such a vital one. Working on boundaries and tolerance is an amazingly positive approach to forming an anti-sociopath forcefield! Good news.

      Thank you, I’m doing well. I stemmed his tirade through repeat blocking. It was exhausting. The bits I did read were predictable and maligned. Apparently, he’s placing his faith in karma now as “good people get good and bad people get bad”

      He’s very difficult to miss.

      • #41338

        Anita
        Participant

        Oops! sorry pinnacle22! Meant to reply above.

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