March 25, 2020 at 2:09 pm #56569sosilParticipant
Hi all. I’m having difficulty deciding if I should take back my maiden name. Was married for 32 years, ex is a narcissist, kids are grown. I’m not sure I want a different last name than my kids. Advice???
March 25, 2020 at 6:35 pm #56571Donna AndersenKeymaster
Sosil – after 32 years, that’s a tough one. On the one hand, you probably don’t want to be associated with him. On the other hand, changing your name is complicated.
I would say to do whatever is best for your recovery.
March 26, 2020 at 1:27 pm #56589SunnygalParticipant
Could you hyphenate with your maiden name?
March 28, 2020 at 6:44 pm #56606polestarParticipant
Hi sosil –
Hey ! I say – change your name back to your original name and start a new ! Your kids are grown now, so it’s not a deal regarding their school or social agendas. I think you will enjoy a personal sense of victory and freedom every time you write your changed name. Anyway, that’s my opinion.
March 29, 2020 at 1:38 am #56615RedwaldParticipant
Yes, it’s a difficult decision. Since you obviously prefer not to retain a name that reminds you of your narcissistic ex, you do have the option of changing it, though doing so can bring inconvenience in its wake. I don’t see that having a different name from your children is such a big deal. For all that anyone can tell, you might have been widowed and remarried, hence the different name.
Still, there are other considerations. Depending on what kind of job you have, you might want to keep your present name because it’s the one by which you’re professionally recognized. Anyway it seems to me the biggest factor is that even if you do change your name to escape the memory of your ex, your children still carry his name. So you’ll never get away from that constant reminder of the man with whom you had such a disastrous marriage.
That’s unless you could change all of your children’s names as well, or persuade them to do so! That would be an ideal solution, but since they’re grown up already I doubt if they’d be willing to go along with it.
On those grounds I’d lean towards keeping your present name, and say the heck with it! (“What’s in a name? A rose by any other name…”) But as Donna says, you should do whatever feels best to help in your recovery.
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