How to recognize and recover from the sociopaths – narcissists in your life › Forums › Lovefraud Community Forum – General › Do they ever move on and leave us alone?
November 15, 2019 at 10:34 pm #55130lostandconfusedParticipant
I’ve been in no contact for two weeks and started to feel great. I am moving on, I can see he has been abusing me and trying to drive me to insanity. My eyes opened to it all, I knew I had to leave him for good and not look back. It got so bad that my anxiety was way out of control and I was having panic attacks. I could see the smirk and pleasure on his face as he watched me go through a panic attack. The anxiety and panic attacks went away after a few days of no contact, I was starting to feel better and then he contacted me. (Yes, he’s blocked but that didn’t stop him). All day today, I’ve had anxiety that he will never let me go. I hope he finds a new girlfriend and leaves me alone. I want to move on in my life:( How long does it take before they let us go?
November 16, 2019 at 4:21 am #55132melabellaParticipant
Unfortunately the answer is never they may move on but you will be their back up supply they have you right where they want you their new target may not be so easy to coheres yet so will still try and contact you you will learn over time it’s not actually about you at all it’s about them having power getting gratification and knowing they have turned a confident bright person in to a shell of their former selves 8 years later I am still dealing with narc worse because we have a child my advice would be do not let your dictate to you if he says horrible things says your doing xyz you are not his find yourself again date eventually I wish I had, when you move on they can’t hurt you as they once did because the power they had over you is gone your not waiting or wanting the person they were because that wasn’t real, people who don’t understand will say block them but anyone who has dealt with them knows they find a way whether it be letters getting friends or family to contact you messaging or calling from a different number the list is endless please just remember no matter how nice sorry they are this act will not last and the more you accept their sorry the sorter the “sweet phase” will be, you loved this person they pretended to be all you had been looking for in a person and that’s hard to let go of and give up on.
November 16, 2019 at 2:09 pm #55134SunnygalParticipant
lost- Look at Gavin deBecker’s book The Gift of Fear, chapter 8. He talks about people who won’t let go.
November 17, 2019 at 3:23 pm #55137slimoneParticipant
Some DO go away. Some don’t. There are strategies for ‘helping’ them go away.
Don’t EVER respond. EVER.
Don’t ask anyone about them, that will tell them.
It is basically remaining NO CONTACT, on all levels.
Unless they do something to harm you and you have to engage with the police, or see them in court, the best way to get them to move on is to show ZERO interest, and never respond to them.
November 17, 2019 at 3:25 pm #55138slimoneParticipant
AND, it is totally normal to feel those PTSD feelings (being anxious, fearful, unsettled, not being able to sleep) when they try to contact you. The best way to get over these reactions is to stay away and never respond.
Eventually, and I speak from experience, the PTSD response weakens, and becomes a ‘blip’, rather than an episode.
November 17, 2019 at 3:34 pm #55139SunnygalParticipant
lost- De Becker says doing nothing is a good thought out managemant plan.
November 17, 2019 at 9:50 pm #55145lostandconfusedParticipant
Thank you for you responses, suggestions and sharing your experiences with me. I’ve struggled with anxiety a lot this weekend. He’s continued to try to contact me but I’ve stayed true to no contact and have not given in. No response, nothing!
I have been reading some great book that have helped open my eyes to a lot more. I will get the book suggested above as well. It’s crazy to me how they all behave the same or very similar.
I want to be free from all this and put it behind me.
November 17, 2019 at 11:06 pm #55146tammilynnParticipant
Two GREAT books on the subject are Psychopath Free by Jackson Mackenzie & Without Conscious by Robert D Hare.I have the audiobook on both & I have literally listened to them over & over. They really are that good.
These 2 books, in combination with this forum & educating myself on psychopathy & sociopathy is what has helped me heal. I haven’t spoken to my ex in 46 days. The damage he caused my world is so extensive because my love was genuine, but I finally realized that I loved who I thought he was, not who he turned out to be.
There is healing. Never acknowledging their words again is the only way.
November 18, 2019 at 5:24 pm #55154polestarParticipant
Hi lost and confused –
What they want is a reaction. Yes, they do want to destroy their victims, but these psychopaths ( from all I have read about and seen ) are actually very lazy. They prefer a target who is easily available and they just don’t even care enough to keep pursuing without getting some “ Narcissist Supply “. They will “ Hoover “ if they think they can either upset the target enough so the target is baited to feel the need to defend themselves, or they will sweet talk in hopes the target will yet again believe their lies ( having remembered the happiness of the original love bombing ). But if there are no easy results for them they will give up, being the characterless people they are. Usually when you hear horror tales about continued harassment, it is when they have a connection to the victim in which the victim is trapped by circumstances like some legal issue etc. In your case, the best thing to do is to totally block any entryway to you. I know that you said that you already tried that and it didn’t work. Perhaps contact your phone company or internet server or those who are internet savvy to assist you. It is possible to block people by phone and email and all the electronic connections. When you are successful, you will feel much much better. Keep up the good work regarding your insightful abilities and knowing what is best for you.
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