How to recognize and recover from the sociopaths in your life › Forums › Lovefraud Community Forum – General › Ex wants me back help
May 6, 2019 at 4:13 pm #52009
I met my ex on line 8 years ago and flew to Sweden to be in a relationship with him. Things were great at first, but then the emotional abuse and drinking started. When he drank he forced me to buy the alcohol, if I refused he would wear me down with begging until I went. While he binged drank it was up to me to single handidly work with up to 10 paying clients at once from our freelance business I had started on line for the both of us. Then he would stop drinking after I would call the ambulance 3 weeks later and force him to get sober in hospital. He would tell me he would kill me if I left him. He would tell people U was illegal in Sweden (which was true) one time he casually told me he had called the police and they were coming to deport me, after watching me pack and seeing my trauma with satisfaction he then told me he was lying and just wanted to hurt me. He would say I was crazy, over emotional and always wished I would lose weight because he hated my stomach. He always made me feel not good enough for him. I felt so bad at the end, I didn’t even think I was worth even buying pads for my time of month. One time I woke up with servers heartburn, it was so bad I started crying, he accused me of faking it to get attention and showed no signs of empathy and did not help me. He said the cat lived him more than me, he was a better artist than me (we are both artists) and when there was a project to be done like redecorating our apartment he would often say ” I will paint the borders, I’m better at it than you, or you should only paint that etc..” it always made me feel like my talent was also worthless. He controlled all our finances, if I wanted anything, I had to ask for it. At one point I worked 12 hours a day for 5 weeks so he could get permanent top row of teeth and pay off his debts. He hated my daughter and asked when my mother would die so we could inherit her money. Now he wants me to move back to Sweden, bought a new apartment and is really pushing and love bombing and making me confused…Please Help me…
May 7, 2019 at 8:43 am #52010
Lithobid74- I am so sorry for your experience. The guy is a complete sociopath – everything you describe is typical sociopathic behavior.
Do not go back. If you go back, he will soon be treating you just as badly as before – in fact, probably worse.
Block all of his communications. No email, no text, no phone. Have no contact with this man.
He does not love you. He never did love you. He just used you and he wants to use you again.
May 7, 2019 at 7:56 pm #52011
Oh Donna….you replied to me…(hugs). I will do exactly as you say and block him from everything, and change all my passwords just to be safe xxxx Thankyou for your reply, it helped me see clearly for what he is, xxx
May 15, 2019 at 2:33 am #52334
I took you advice Donna, I blocked him from everything, he can no longer contact me, and the weight that has lifted off my shoulders has been incredible.
The only bad thing about him contacting me, was that I lost my new job I had started because
of him. I have bi polar, and at the start of the job, I had no contact with him and was doing great for 2 weeks. Then he contacted me, and I started staying at home because contacting him
was so mentally draining, and him bombing me to come back to sweden. I then tried to take extra
medication to deal with my job and him and I just couldnt cope. So I quit my job and then I finally quit him last week.
I do regret letting him back into my life after 5 months of no contact and now I know why I stopped contact with him after I ran away from him back to Australia. He wanted to know where I was, what I was doing constantly, I had to sleep with my phone in case he rang me. One night I told him my medication was really making me tired and I needed to sleep so I could get up at 4am to go to work the next morning. Guess what? Do you think he respected that and let me sleep? Nope. I had several messages from him during the night constantly waking me up….it was just pure uncaring, unempathetic and selfish. Thankgod I listened to Donna and cut the umbilical cord from this guy for good!!
May 15, 2019 at 2:38 am #52335
One other note, he often told me he thought I had dyslexia and couldn’t read.
Before I met him, I had no trouble reading or remembering anything.
Now? I have to triple check anything I write or copy down, because years of him saying I had
dyslexia made me feel, and still makes me feel like I can’t trust myself…..
When I have to write down my bank number for something, I check it at least 5 times to make
sure it’s right…
Thanks for the memories and left overs… you sociopathic asshole…..
May 15, 2019 at 3:16 am #52337
Now I’m going to make a list of the stuff he did as a bitter reminder to me and every other women out there.
1. He told me to fuck off if I didn’t like the fact that he drank. (he was an alcoholic)
2. He told me to get over the fact that he liked porn, every guy watches porn.
3. He would openly look at other women
4. I had to walk 30 minutes to buy him beer on a freshly twisted ankle (I’m a tough bitch, I guess that’s how I ended up completing that feat)
5. When I always came home with his beer I was always greeted with “Why the fuck were you so long???…never thankyou for buying me beer. So when I went on a beer run, I basically had to speed walk get the beer come home…it was always an anxious experience.
6. On a plane trip to Turkey, he demanded I kept calling the airhostess for more beer, despite me not wanting to. And when I started crying, he said “What the fuck are you crying about? You
are always causing some kind of scene” Yet he was the one causing a scene, he also pissed in a empty beer can in his chair because he couldnt make it to the airoplane toilet. Needless to say most of the piss went all over his pants, it was disgusting to say the least. By the end of the flight, half of the men wanted to beat his head in, and a lot of them wished me luck.. it was awful.
7.I was never allowed to cook dinner. Im a better cook than you, he would always say.
8. He was in control of all our money, even though I was the one who made most of it.
You are bad with money, he would say to me.
9.He always wanted new stuff, a new keyboard, a new mouse, a new computer, the lastest and biggest tv, a motorized talking dog…. anything he wanted, he got. He even got new teeth, a whole top row of new teeth that cost 5000 dollars. Guess who payed for that and worked her fingers to the bone for 5 weeks for 12 hours a day, while he sat on the lounge behind me watching tv and said “I wish I could do something to help”……… yeah, right. He could
have done a lot, but didnt lift a finger.
10. I was never allowed to talk to him about being an alcoholic, if I ever called him an alcoholic, he would yell “what the fuck did you just call me?” I was terrified, so I would apologize instantly and grovel for forgiveness.
11. He said that our cat loved him better than me, all the time, but I was the one who gave her new food every day and cleaned her litter box everyday…..
12. He always said I was unstable.
13. He always said I was paranoid.
14. He always said there was something wrong with me.
15. He always said I was trying to start arguements.
16. He told me he thought I was dyslexic
17. He always told me I was over emotional.
18. Anytime I wanted to leave he would say “I have done everything for you, everything!”
19. He said if I left him, he would hunt me down and kill me.
20. Many occasions he would force me to have sex with him when he was drunk.
21. He often told me I was stupid.
22. Any idea I had was dismissed instantly to the point where he would say “don’t open your mouth your ideas are always wrong”
23. He always said he was a better artist than me.
24. He hated my daughter and tried to destroy our relationship.
25. He often said he wished my mother would die so we could inherit her money.
26. He would often tell me everyone was an idiot, except him.
27. Him and his brother would bully and belittle and stand over their 80 year old mother for what ever they wanted. Mostly money.
28. He was always looking for excitement and hated staying at home with me and playing house. (hence the drinking)
29. He had no sense of responsibility at all, he had a lot of debts and when people lent him money (they always did) he would laugh to me and say he would never pay them back.
30 He was always extremely jealous of friends who were doing better than himself and said it was because of him that they were successfull and he should have a share of what they were earning etc.
31. He constantly needed attention, me telling him he was awesome, he was the best artist, he was the best cook, he was the best lover…it was exhausting.
32. He got extremely upset when I wanted to pay my mother back for any money we borrowed off her. Thankgoodness I did.
33. On our last trip to Turkey, he drank all of our money away, leaving us stranded in a disgusting hotel with no money and no way to get home. I had enough by this time and begged my mother to buy me a ticket home. She did. But being the person I am, I made enough money for him to get home back to Sweden as well. After I had left he fell down the stairs and split his head open, because he was obviously drunk. He went to hospital and then couldnt pay for his hospital bill in turkey. I dont know how he got back to Sweden but he did.
34. I created an online freelance company for us on Upwork (formally known as Elance) Even though I created it, he took it over when I left him, and changed the password so I was blocked
from making money from home.
35. I know suffer from complex post traumatic stress because of him, and I’m slowly building my life again on my own here in Australia. I have adopted an abandoned cat, and have started up my own account on Upwork……and I have just got my first client. So never give up, there is sunshine on the other side of the hell your living in with these assholes….. I hope my story helps other women.
All my love, Lithobid. xxxx
May 15, 2019 at 11:28 am #52376
Smart move Lithobid, to make this list. It really helps us stay focused on what happened, how wrong it was, and just how sick these types are. I think I made a few of these lists. I know I kept one on my bathroom mirror for quite awhile, and it helped me when I was doubting reality.
Regardless of the times when they said or did ‘nice’ things. It is these horrible reminders that we need to remember, because these are the actions and words that truly define who they are and what they are capable of.
Healthy people just do not do any of the things on your list
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