I'm still in denial

This topic contains 9 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  vonkie 1 year, 3 months ago.

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  • #42061


    Ten years of my life – gone! Just like that! I feel so stupid – I am an intelligent woman. Why would someone hurt me so much and not care? How can a human being do this to another? Lies, gambling, cheating, gas-lighting – what a fool I was. I had evidence, but still stayed and believed – I believed him – I believed in him. I supported him through everything. I am exhausted. I am an emotional, anxious wreck. My heart is broken. Help. My gut instincts were there….I took no notice! Why? No-one believes me. I don’t talk to anyone about it. Is it me? Maybe I am crazy? I used to be such a confident, fun woman – now I am half the woman I used to be. Maybe its me that has the problem, but I wouldn’t hurt anyone like that.

    • This topic was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  fairynurse.
  • #42063


    He never even said sorry.

  • #42064


    Hi Fairynurse, sending you huge hugs hon. I know it’s hard right now for you. So happy that you found the courage to post your story. This is a huge step in your recovery.

    Please know that sociopaths target intelligent, kind hearted, hardworking people. Why? because they know they can ride on your coattails for financial support & also tap into the victims empathy to manipulate us.

    How can a human being do this to another?

    Their brains are literally wired differently. This is a scientific brain study fact. Their brains also do not function in the emotion region. So they feel no emotions for other.

    I think the scariest thing is that we are not educated about these evil people in school. Very sad that every generation ends up victims of these evil people simply because we are not educated.

    Hon, you were not a fool. You were not educate on these evil people. Just like me, Donna and everyone else that comes here. Thank goodness Donna Anderson changed this by writing her books & creating this wonderful education & support site.

    Now you know that these evil types are in very race, religion, country etc. And that you must follow your gut instinct the second that you meet someone new. You now have one of the keys to how this planet operates = powerful!!

    I think that hardest thing to get over after being with a sociopath and becoming educate is the “wasted time” spent with a sociopath riding on a hamster wheel to nowhereville.

    With time this pain of wasted time will slowly fade. I know it’s heart wrenching right now for you.

    I saw my ex h manipulation tactics from day one!! YES!! from day one!! His lying everyday. But I still stayed too. Why?

    They know how to use “pity play manipulation” (google) from DAY ONE!! To keep you sucked into their con game. Every time you call out their bs they give you the same old sob story about their “childhood” and you end up backing off.

    What these evil people also do is use Trance & hypnosis!!

    YES!! They use trance & hypnosis to keep a vicim into their con game.

    SO CRAZY!! Read up on “Sociopath trance” and “Sociopath hypnosis” on the net. I read this in a book that my counselor gave me.

    After I witness my ex h during divorce court using this in mediation with the mediator. It was a shocking moment. But a WIDE EYE moment into his evil behavior of how he kept me controlled.

    Do you know that sociopath use brain washing & mind control also?

    YEP! They are the cult leaders of the world. Whether a small cult like a family or a large say religious cult of 1 million or more.

    You were his cult follower and he was your cult LEADER.


    They also use “Gas lighting abuse”, “Sociopath triangulation” and “Sociopath smear campaign” to control everyone from seeing their mask drop to expose their evil ways. Look up all of these terms here at LF and on the net.

    The blessing hon is you know the truth now!! I know you are broken now & in emotional pain but please know you are strong.

    How do I know this?


    Give yourself a high 5!!! Pat yourself on the back!! You escaped his evil grip!!

    POWERFUL MOMENT!! For you!!!

    Everyone that leaves a sociopaths is exhausted. emotionally, mentally,physically and spiritually. Myself included.

    I could not sleep. Could not focus. I was a shell of my former self.

    I was lucky enough to have a friend directly me to a Encrinologist Doctor who tested me for cortisol levels (fight,flight or freeze response mode), vitamin & mineral deficiency and other test to see how my body was.

    My test results were off the chart BAD!!

    I had Adrenal Fatigue.

    The Adrenal glands regulate our body’s blood pressure, blood sugar, cortisol & adrenaline levels and over 50 hormones.

    With continual stress the adrenal glands become fatigue and in return wreak havoc on our bodies and mind.

    Look at symptoms of Adrenal fatigue on sites like Dr Lam. com and Adrenal Fatigue. org. Both have books. (I have zero affiliation to these sites expect my doctor giving me Dr Wilsons adrenal vitamins.

    How do you heal your adrenal glands?

    Good clean diet, no alcohol or drugs (obviously if you are on Doctors orders for drugs you need to talk with your doctor), possible homornal balancing, plenty of rest, relaxation & sleep.

    Look at the video “Mia Lundin sleep issues you tube”.

    There is a medical issue due to the stress your ex caused you.

    All of these sociopaths intentionally keep us on the emotional edge with constant chaos, drams, mind games ALL to control us. If we are stressed out they have more control over us.

    SO take care of your body right now!! TOP PRIORITY!!

    Look at “Dr Amen PBS you tube”

    “Dr AMen depression you tube”

    Also if you go to the Home page here at LF scroll down to “Recovery” and read that section.

    Do a search on LF for Donna & Mary Ann Glynn video. Mary Ann has group internet sessions. She is a licensed Counselor who gets sociopath abuse. She has a new online group session next week I believe. Just look on the main post section Donna just posted a post about this session.

    Just know that you are not alone. We understand the hell that you have gone thru. So keep posting questions or just vent your emotions out here if you would like.

    Wishing you all the best💜

    Take care.

  • #42065


    ps they NEVER say they are sorry EVER!!

    My ex h too!!

    Instead they use “Sociopath blame shifting” (google & do a search on lovefruad)/

  • #42066


    “Why? No-one believes me. I don’t talk to anyone about it.”

    Sadly every victim goes thru this!! I think it’s is the fact they have not been conned directly by a sociopath and they are not educate on the evilness in this world. They are prime targets for a sociopath to con in the future.

    It’s extremely frustrating & painful that we crawl out of hell and get no support from our family or friends. They just say things like “move on” or “your not with him anymore”.

    But there is a emotional trauma that they dont get that has been inflicted and we must work thru this trauma pain. So keep feeling the feelings let them all out.

    “Is it me? Maybe I am crazy?”

    NO!!! NO!! NO!! It is not you! YOU ARE NOT CRAZY!! You were with a very mentally deranged individual. You have now have to work thru everything now that your brain is finally free from his brain washing. Just like a cult follower leaving cult. This takes time


    Your adrenal gland is pumping out high levels of cortisol and messing with those 50 hormones that right now your body is not functioning correction and this is causing your brain to feel crazy.

    Read the book “Female brain gone insane by Mia Lundin. Also see her website. you have a hormonal imbalance most likely that needs to be corrected and when this is corrected you will move back towards your old self. So just remember to just breathe right now hon!

    “I used to be such a confident, fun woman – now I am half the woman I used to be. Maybe its me that has the problem, but I wouldn’t hurt anyone like that.”

    Every victims feels this way! These evil sociopath know how to break our spirit down so they have full control over us. They manipulated us to make us feel less and less confident throughout the relationship. This keeps us in the relationship = total control over us from leaving.

    IT’S NOT YOU!! It’s him = he is pure evil= the devil himself!!

    You would hurt anyone because YOU are a GOOD PERSON!! Remember this on your dark days & nights as you heal. YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON!!


    You are not alone anymore!!

    HUGS TO YOU!! 💜💜💜

  • #42067


    Thank you so much 🙂 I am learning so much on here. I honestly thought I was alone and through much research I am shocked to find out I am not! I am actually upset that there are people out there who can just destroy lives and not care about the devastation they leave behind. (naive I know!) He actually told me that I lived in a big giant fluffy bubble and be wary because people weren’t always nice and rosy like I perceive them to be? How ironic! Its only been 3 weeks and no contact for 17 days.

  • #42083


    Dear fairynurse, I believe I could have written your post myself all those years ago. I felt exactly the same as you. I felt like I was hit by a mack truck. Then it backed up and ran me over again and left me writhing in the street. When your ex told you that people weren’t what you perceive them to be, of course, he was talking about himself. Sociopaths imagine others are as nasty and evil as they are. They do not understand honesty and true kindness.

    It’s good that you found out what he is, so it will help you to stay away. And yes, it’s devastating and eye opening to see that there are people like this in the world. When you get involved with one, it can feel like you are run over like a mack truck that backs up and runs you over again and leaves you writhing in the street. The state they leave you in can feel very dark and deeply depressing, much worse than a normal break-up. It really helped me to get energy work and seek spiritual help. Even prayer helped. So sorry for what you are going through. Believe it or not, going through it will make you stronger.



  • #43271


    My story is the same as yours! except I was with him for 8 years. He just got married on Dec 1st. He called me in the middle of the night on my house phone (because he is blocked on my cell) and told me he still loves me and thinks about me every day. He said he got married so he would stop coming back to me.
    I should be glad but I am hurting. I don’t know why! He has done some terrible things to me and my family and friends.
    Everything you said is how I feel!

  • #43287

    Donna Andersen

    Jaybird – he is just trying to see if he can manipulate you again. Figure out a way to block him on your house phone. Or at least let all calls from numbers you don’t know go to voice mail – you do not want to talk to this man.

    You are hurting because you were betrayed. His call just reopened the wound.

    No contact is the answer.

  • #43317


    I am reading these posts and am just amazed at the number of good, intelligent women who this happens to. Jaybird, just like you, my partner of 7 years just got married this December after he had set up a completely new life behind my back – all within less than 11 months he is gone. Like these post, I had given him my all and my complete love. I am an intelligent, professionally successful woman and the hardest thing for me to understand is why this can happen, how people can be like this… and how I let it happen to me. Always sensing it, yet never letting myself quite believe it…until I was completely deceived.

    After getting some wonderful advice on this site, I engaged the help of a therapist, who told me that in all likelihood this man will enter my life again at some point, come knocking on my door – when things go (undoubtedly) wrong in this marriage (he won’t change his spots). And then your story comes in…someone who this has happened to.

    I hope you have the strength to reject him. I completely understand though – we truly loved these men (I know I did) – and never quite understood why it happened, because we are unable to judge people by a standard other than our own. We have never been able to grasp how they were able to be such deceiving sociopaths. We have to learn to understand that these men do not live by our standards and simply use us.

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