How to recognize and recover from the sociopaths – narcissists in your life › Forums › Lovefraud Community Forum – General › My story … help needed!!!
July 6, 2019 at 2:36 pm #53176
My story is different from many as my involvement with a narcissistic sociopath was not of a romantic relationship. Nevertheless, it has left me shattered and broken.
The sociopath was someone who I believed to be a very close friend and work colleague. The woman in question became like ‘family’ to me. I now know that I experienced the typical grooming and was totally ‘brainwashed’ into believing everything this person ever said to me. I trusted them 100% and this was my ultimate undoing. The woman in question became my confidant and I shared with her details of my life that I had never shared with anyone. To cut a very long story short, she used this knowledge about me to the hilt and completely controlled me and messed with my mind. She lied to me continuously!!!
I have read quite a bit about sociopaths and now know that with their mind control techniques they can actually change a person’s personality … very similar to a cult leader brainwashing their followers. The term for it is pseudo-personality … I’ve also read that a ‘victim’s’ true personality never truly goes but the pseudo-personality takes over. This definitely happened in my case.
Before I knew the consequences, I ‘outed’ this woman to another victim of hers and this has had dire repercussions and I have since had my life turned upside down and have had to relocate. I may have left the situation physically but I am suffering tremendously mentality. I feel like I am going crazy!!! I feel like I am grieving a friend that never actually existed. Plus, I now know that I have suffered an emotional trauma and really need some help and advice.
Thank you for reading this and any supported will be greatly appreciated.
July 6, 2019 at 5:56 pm #53178
July 6, 2019 at 6:51 pm #53180
Hi Sharon, sending you huge hugs!! 💜💜💜
I want you to know that you are NOT going crazy!! Please know this. Your body is releasing large amounts of cortisol & adrinline and other hormones. This is why you feel “crazy”.
This is normal when leaving a sociopath (also a normal relationship but with less hormonal release).
Donna has posted about this so do a search on Hormones to find these post.
Also, look up Adrenal fatigue sysmtpoms on sites like Adrenal fatigue. org and Drlam. com. They have videos on their site.
Look up “Mia Lundin hormonal imbalance” you tube video she wrote a book that would be good for you to read. It’s about the hormonal imbalance.
What cause this hormonal imbalance with a sociopath? STRESS!! The sociopath causes so much daily chaos & drama that it literally stress our adrenal glands out. The good news is you can heal your adrenal glands with:
a good clean diet
plenty of sleep (which is hard right now)
plenty of rest & relaxation (which is hard right now)
vitamins & Minerals (see Adrenal fatigue. org these are the vitiamins my doctor gave men when I escaped my ex a sociopath)
possible hormonal balancing (most likely progesterone creme or pills over the counter ones are good too but check with a doctor first)
Find a good Endocrinologist doctor to test you for cortisol levels, vitamin & Mineral deficiency (most likely you are deficient from the stress you were under then & now), hormonal imbalance, thyroid issues (if you have thryoid issues you have to heal your adrenal glands first. Dr Wilson (adrenal fatigue .org has doctors listed)
(I have ZERO affiliation with these sites other then I suffered from adrenal fatigue during and after my marriage to a sociopath. I found a good doctor who helped to heal my body from all the stress)
Watch the free documentary on you tube called “Super juice me documentary”…this is a reminder that a good clean diet can really heal the body. You can buy a juicer at Walmart for $30 that gets the job done or use a blender. Also google: Jason Vale juicing you tube.
I’m so sorry that you got tangled up with a evil sociopath. They really do being in such havoc to our lives…I want you to know the more your read here at love fraud and other sites about sociopath, get your body healed, and put time between you & this nightmare YOU WILL RETURN TO YOUR OLD PERSONALITY JUST WITH MORE AWARENESS OF THE EVIL IN THIS WORLD. BUT YOU WILL RETURN TOWARDS OUR OLD SELF. 💜
Look at your old photo albums with family & friends and think about those times this will help you awaken your mind.
Wishing you all the best. Keep venting here it really does help.
google “”Female Brain Gone Insane” by Mia Lundin – YouTube”
July 6, 2019 at 6:53 pm #53182
Mia linden’s book is “Female brain gone insane”….she used that title to catch peoples attention…but, again you are not crazy…just your hormones from the stress you have been under have gotten out of balance.
July 7, 2019 at 5:14 am #53184
Thank you so much for your replies.
Jan7 … I will definitely take on board everything you have said. I am hoping to do a Jason Vale juice fast etc. The only draw back is that after 16 years of not smoking, I have started again. This is how much this experience has affected me. I am using cigarettes as an emotional crutch. I do know this!! I was offered a cigarette and believed it would be ok and a month on, I am still smoking!! Not good.
The thing that hurts is the fact the sociopath woman I was friends with is telling everyone that I am the sociopath and they are believing her. This is so hard. Hence why I relocated. The woman is a high profile author on the Mind, Body, Spirit circuit and no one would believe the truth about her. Her MASK is sooo convincing!!! She has everyone fooled!!! No one would believe me if I told them that she lies all the time, she steals all the time, she is controlling and if she wants something from you … you are useful to her in what ever way .. she will groom you and f**k with your head. I came close to giving her money (I recently inherited money and she had her eye on it) and she told me all sorts of lies so I felt sorry for her. I have a big heart and just wanted to help her. Thank goodness it all came out before I parted with my money. I now know she would have milked me dry!!!
Anyway, thanks for allowing me to vent. It’s only been a month and I am still very raw. The emotional pain sometimes feels overwhelming. I am so grateful to have found this website and I will be doing a lot of reading.
Thanks again Sunnygal and Jan7.
July 7, 2019 at 10:49 am #53185
SharonDawn – Sociopaths certainly don’t limit their manipulation and abuse to romantic partners – plenty of people have written to Lovefraud about problems with work colleagues, family members, neighbors, even people who are practically strangers.
Therefore, just about all the information here on Lovefraud will be helpful to you, even if the topic is about a romantic partner. Sociopaths still engage in seduction, manipulation and exploitation. They may have different objectives and tactics, but the process – and the damage to you – is the same.
Welcome – and if you have more questions, feel free to ask.
July 8, 2019 at 12:13 am #53203
Hi Sharon, Donna has written many post about how the sociopath makes victims addicted to them. It’s very common for a victims to pick up a old bad habit i.e. drinking, drugs, eating, smoking. It’s good that you see this negative behavior.
I would recommend that you focus instead on a new positive hobbies that you have always wanted to do i.e. sewing, a sport, painting etc to distract your mind from this sociopath and also from your smoking habit. I have seen quite smoking ads on tv and they recommend this in the ads. You can look at your local state or national government for how to quite smoking.
I think also part of your issue of feeling “crazy” (which you are not!) is that you are putting a lot of very toxic chemicals into your body and also into your mind. As you know cigarettes are extremely harmful to your body, mind & spirit. So, try if you can to move away from this negative habit. If you need help there are medical patches that work well or cold turkey if you can do that. I know friends have quite and their doctors gave them the patch and it worked for them. One of my friends doctors recommended she drink all her water, tea etc with a black liquorices stick. Just bit the ends off and then drink from it. Evidently, black licorice helps the craving (I think that is how she explained it) but she also use the red ones too.
The Super juice me documentary talks about how it helps with sugar cravings etc. So I’m sure it will help you get thru this issue.
You should be so proud of yourself for following your gut instinct with this sociopath woman. Your gut instinct was spot on…you knew that not only did you have to kick her out of your life but you also had to impose the No contact rule with her. BRAVO..
What this woman did to you was use “Sociopath triangulation” and “sociopath smear campaign” against you. It you decide to speak to your old friends that are still around her you can use these terms with them so they will have concert info on how to spot her manipulative ways. Do a search on this site and the net for these terms.
These tactics sociopaths use are very stealthy but do great harm to friendships & a persons reputation. A sociopath typically uses these from day one. SO you think they are your fiends but they are stabbing you behind the back. And the same with their other friends.
Dr Phil made statement beware of people that: If someone is taking badly with you about others…they are talking badly about you with others.” Thats a RED flag that you have to void someone that is straight out of the gates talking badly about others.
The woman is a high profile author on the Mind, Body, Spirit circuit and no one would believe the truth about her. Her MASK is sooo convincing!!!
There are a lot of CULT leaders in the “Mind, Body, Spirit industry’…lots of yoga “guru’s” etc. Just do a search on you tube & the net for “yoga cult leaders”…it’s scary. People are vulnerable when they go to seek out to improve their life or to figure out life or better their life. So a lot of people fall victims to these types of “Guru”.
That Nxivm Cult is a perfect example of this. This Cult leader sought out women for “executive success programs” and then turned them woman victims into sex slave for him and a few he manipulative millions out of them just by brain washing them. He is definitely an evil psychopath!! SO PLEASE BEWARE OF THESE TYPES OF “MIND BODY SPIRIT industry…lots of them are just scamming money from vulnerable people.
Steven Hassan author of Freedom of mind, is a cult expert and he estimate over 10,000 cults are in the USA alone!! Scary!! They can be religious, new age, political, clubs etc. This is why it is so important to question everyone you meet especially someone that is charging you for books, seminars etc. They use a lot of brain washing tactics.
The good news is you are very educated on what you endured & see how your reacting to the stress and making life changing corrective changes in your life path. Glad too that you did not part ways with your money. My ex scammed me, in the he was stealth but I saw at times in the beginning but he was masterful with the “pity me manipulation” (look this up) and so is this woman. People will eventually start piecing her behavior together…and since you spoke the truth…those people will remember the seeds you planted in their minds and will expose her. It just takes time. But, I believe all sociopaths are eventually exposed.
Donna message to you is spot on. Donna and her husband Terry have created a wonderful site to heal & vent. So glad you found your way to their wonderful site and also that you were brave enough to post. It really does help to connect with others that have endured the same craziness & drama from a sociopath.
Wishing you all the best.
July 8, 2019 at 11:18 am #53206
First, I am so sorry for what you are going through. And everyone here is right, any form of lovefraud is lovefraud. She purported to love and support you, and it was all lies. I have also had friendships with these types and it is just as devastating as any romantic encounter.
Jan is also right about all the hormones and neurotransmitters in your body being either out of balance or just too active. Her advice is good. When I was being treated by an MD her biggest advice was to avoid all drama and chaos, to allow my fight or flight ‘system’ to cool off and quit firing at all times of the day and night. These experiences leave our bodies feeling threatened 24/7. It takes a new message to the brain/nervous system to help this constant tension and ‘threat’ to stop.
This takes TIME. And it is tricky to get enough sleep when you are feeling wound up and nervous. I get the smoking, I did it too. It is weird, as it doesn’t really calm you, it actually exacerbates the agitation and anxiety. But I think the activity can be distracting to the mind, and that may be the appeal. Try your best to stop smoking, it will keep you stuck in the anxious cycle for much longer.
This is like recovering from war, a tornado that ruined your life, or any other MAJOR trauma. It has the same physical and psychosocial effects. And it requires you to stay away from the source of the original trauma (her and anyone who is in contact with her, that will tell you about her), and to avoid as many new insults as possible. This means staying away from starting a new romantic relationship (until you are calm, collected, and feeling secure again), avoiding anyone who pushes your buttons (even slightly, just walk away), SLEEP, eat small meals throughout the day (if eating becomes unappealing), try and get a bit of exercise in (even short walks), listen to calming music and avoid scary or violent TV content. You get the picture.
Try and be very gentle, loving, nurturing, and protective of yourself.
And if your pseudo-personality did anything that you are not proud of do your best to forgive yourself for trying to please someone who COULD NOT be pleased. I did some shameful things trying to please my boyfriend. Self forgiveness is at the top of the list for you to heal.
Glad you have found your way to Lovefraud, it is truly a place of healing.
July 9, 2019 at 1:39 pm #53210
Thank you everyone for all your support and advice.
Jan7 and Slimone – I will definitely take on board all that you have said.
At the moment, I am taking it day by day. I find I keep having flashbacks and each one represents a piece of the jigsaw puzzle. I see it all so clearly now and I am still in a state of disbelief.
July 10, 2019 at 12:42 pm #53218
It IS pretty shocking when we start seeing the truth of the situation. At times I found it almost impossible to believe, even though I lived through it. It was just so hard to fathom that the entire experience was a magic act, a live stage performance. All of it perpetrated for his fun and gratification; none of it was truly based on a real human connection (on his part, I was connected).
And it is weird to know that WE can connect to and love people who absolutely CANNOT function at this level. They have no ability to make a deep, emotional connection and intellectual commitment. Nothing beyond the chase, the manipulations, and then the devaluing is real to them. There is nothing deep about them.
I had periods of cognitive dissonance while I was discovering the truth. Because I loved him and felt hurt by his callous treatment of me and our ‘connection’. This is when your heart and your mind are out of sync. Your heart/emotional body feels attachment, but your mind is pretty clear about what REALLY is happening. This can then create some mental and emotional ‘confusion’, where it is super hard to hold these two realities at the SAME TIME. Over time the feelings subside. It takes some time. But when they do and we are left with the FACTS, and clear knowledge of our abuser then it becomes much easier to cope.
I actually have zero reactions to the guy I was entangled with. Whereas I used to be triggered at any thought of him, or mention of him. The heart heals. Thank goodness.
July 10, 2019 at 4:33 pm #53220
July 13, 2019 at 8:06 pm #53255
Hi – sometimes the hardest part of recovering is after a survivor has gone No Contact – which, by the way, is something you have much to be proud about. You succeeded through that difficult ordeal. But as I was saying, now comes some real work for you to do with your inner dialogue and emotions. When your mind has undergone a huge crisis, sometimes you will experience confusion, as the mind goes down different pathways and meets with dead ends or even more confusion. Added to this is your raw hurting heart. I believe as your mind gets settled down into truth, the heart will have time to find peace and healing as your own beautiful soul starts to shine out more day by day. Remember that you are love itself in the very center of who you are. About doing work with your mind – I don’t think it works to just tell it to stop thinking about the abusive person and circumstances surrounding the entire situation even though this is a goal to bring much healing and relief: so to achieve this and the distance needed is to do the following ( which works from my experience ): Get a book of truth that you love and every time you mind starts to go down a pathway which you suspect will lead you to focusing on the abuser – read some passages from your book. Depending on where you are in your healing, you will find that different books will match your needs. All the while affirm: ” I am love itself, I am good “. Blessing to you
July 15, 2019 at 3:19 am #53263
Really sorry that I have not responded to everyone who has taken the time to reply to me. I have remained with NO CONTACT but have become very depressed. It’s now 6 weeks on since I left the abusive situation and I am finding it SO difficult. It’s still the total disbelief that a person who I once trusted and thought the world of has treated me this way.
Yes Polstar … the work does start now and I have to be so strong. Thank you for your advice. It’s much appreciated.
My heart goes out to EVERY person who has ever been on the receiving end of a sociopath. I know from this awful experience that it is something that can be so overwhelming at times and it does take great strength to keep going. I am also finding that it has affected my very core of being and I now find it very difficult to trust anyone. Thankfully, I do have a couple of close friends BUT they have not experienced anything like this themselves and I often feel very alone with this. Hence why I am so grateful to this forum/website.
July 15, 2019 at 12:27 pm #53267
Thank you for replying to me ! To help with your depression and emotional anguish – this is what I did and you might find it helpful as well: I had felt completely sick at heart and it was just so hard to focus on anything else – but that is exactly what I did: I signed up for these lessons of something that interested me, and it brought me the responsibility to have to complete some exercises and things. It is hard to describe how very difficult it was to do – it was so so hard ! Especially the first one. But then I found my self thinking more and more about the subject matter and the new endeavor. It absolutely saved me.
Blessings to you !
July 15, 2019 at 6:10 pm #53283
sharon- It is good advice to find a new interest to focus on. It can help you to heal.
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