How to recognize and recover from the sociopaths – narcissists in your life › Forums › Lovefraud Community Forum – General › Please tell my daughter what her hoover letter says
January 2, 2019 at 5:18 pm #48122
She was discarded horrifically in November, over a number of weeks. Complete with all the traumatic, horrific, unbelievable details you are all familiar with. Betrayal like she has never known existed, pain so excruciating and unbearable she could barely breathe.
Then it was one text. How are your finances? We said change your number. She said he won’t text me again. Then he texted 51 times in one night. We said change your number. Her attitude said, ‘I’ve got this’. She said I won’t answer him. There were numerous calls she didnt answer.
During this time the letter was put in her mailbox.
Please tell her what her letter said.
(We indirectly have her permission to ask as my husband told her after reading the letter she would find many exactly the same on the internet. She was dubious and said show me. The letter touched her heart and she has since taken him back and cut us off again)
So from your own experience, please write down here what he would have said to her to get her back, and maybe also include what he would have omitted to say.
(5th Christmas with daughter in relationship with a psychopath)
January 3, 2019 at 8:38 am #48191
Now that you’re gone, I realize that I made a terrible mistake and I lost the most important thing that ever happened to me. I realize that we are meant for each other and we are meant to be together. No one understand me like you, and no one understand you like me. It is you and me against the world, baby. People are trying to split us apart, but we must not let them. We need to be together.
I want you back, and I promise that things will be different. I will go for therapy — in fact, I’ve already started. I will also go with you to church. All I ask is that you give me a chance, give us a chance. Once we get past this, our future is bright! Like I said, we are meant for each other. Let’s not lose what is truly meant to be.
I love you and you love me. Our love is precious, and we should fight for our love. I don’t want to give up on us, and I know you don’t want to give up on us either. So come back. It will be different. I promise.
January 3, 2019 at 8:48 am #48192
Also, he may have omitted to say he was sorry. If he did say he was sorry, it was a lie, and just said to reel her in again.
January 3, 2019 at 9:39 am #48193
Just a guess here – but I bet his letter had all the components of what Donna wrote – and maybe some of these:
“I’ve been thinking about what you said. I know it’s important to you and I want to make this work, so I’ve decided to go to counseling.”
What it means: I need to buy time to reel you back in but I have no intention of being honest with a therapist because I know more than them…in fact I can use their words to make you look unstable and make you believe you’re the one with problems so that you will feel lucky to have me.
“I’m sorry for hurting you and I vow to make it up to you.”
Meaning: I know you are a caring, empathic, tolerant, compassionate and forgiving type and I have no qualms about exploiting these traits to the nth degree. I will woo you with flowers, jewelry, and tears (on bended knee for effect), and you will forgive me, forgetting all past wrongdoings.
“You are the only person I really love… or that understands me… or that knows my pain. It has always been you and me against the world.”
Meaning: I need a very large number of admirers. The more people that adore me the better. And I tell all my partners the same thing.
“I heard your pain and I will always listen to you. I will never dismiss your feelings again.”
Meaning: I will only keep up the facade until I believe you are hooked again, then will go back to treating you badly. No amount of sharing your pain will cause me to have a spontaneous character transplant. In fact, I will use your emotional outpourings to punish you.
“I know we can’t be together, but I care about you a lot and don’t want to lose you completely. Can we just be friends?”
Meaning: I need to boost my public image by proving how wonderful I am to be able to maintain friendships with past partners. Oh – and that gives me carte blanc to screw around with others and bring all sorts of diseases to you when you finally succumb to my insistence of being “friends with benefits”.
This is called “hoovering” because the narcissist not only desires to suck the victim back into the relationship, but will ultimately treat them like dirt.
I hope she is reading these.
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