This is for all our wonderful participants

[polestar]

This post stream is created to have a space where everybody can put quotations that they love or have found very helpful. My intention is that it will become a library for everyone to give and have access to inspiration and wisdom. I hope all will contribute so it will be kept current, helpful and vibrant with truth!
Here’s a quotation from Almine’s – Book of Daily Mantras – “ I am in love with life; with the passages of day and night, the warmth of the sun and the star studded sky. With aware appreciation I am enraptured. “
Blessings

[polestar]

Hi Everybody –
Here is another quote that I hope you will find helpful :
It’s from ‘The Five Step Exit’ by Amber Ault :
“ A pattern of inconsistent behavior psychologists call ‘ intermittent reinforcement ‘ makes leaving toxic relationships very difficult. Sometimes your partner’s behavior feels unkind, unpleasant, volatile, and abusive. At other times you find relief or delight in your partner’s charm, care, or sexual attention. If your partner were awful all the time, you would have left long ago. When your partner behaves like your dream mate, they give you hope that their lying, cheating, financial exploitation, yelling, and verbal or physical abuse represent some kind of bizarre anomaly that can be explained ….. Intermittent reinforcement keeps us hopeful and in denial, like the dog whose abusive human occasionally tosses out a treat to keep the pup ever hopeful that a happy life with kind rewards will grow from unjustified loyalty.”
Blessings

[Sunnygal]

polestar- Good quote. Intermittent reinforcement can keep us stuck.

SG

[polestar]

Thanks SG!
Here’s a quote from ( our wonderful ) Donna Andersen’s book – Red Flags of Love Fraud – “ Sociopaths do not care about love ….. In fact, the core of this personality disorder is an inability to love. “
Blessings

[Sunnygal]

polestar- So true!!

SG

[Donna Andersen]

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Eleanor Roosevelt

[polestar]

“ Create each day anew by clothing yourself with Heaven and Earth, bathing yourself with wisdom and love, and placing yourself in the heart of Mother Nature. “

– Morihei Ueshiba – The Art Of Peace –
( he was the founder of Aikido )
Blessings.

[Sunnygal]

Nice.

[Sunnygal]

very nice.

[polestar]

“ A narcissist’s main concern in life is to control the people around him – namely, us – so he gets what he wants, whatever that may be … Even when he or she is being as sweet as pie ( which is of course, a facade ), the narcissist is controlling us. “

Zari Ballard from “ Narcissist Free “
Blessings

[Sunnygal]

So true.

[Sunnygal]

Like this quote.

[slimone]

We live in a fantasy world, a world of illusion. The great task in life is to find reality.

Iris Murdoch

[slimone]

To have his path made clear for him is the aspiration of every human being in our beclouded and tempestuous existence.

Joseph Conrad

[emilie18]

Thank you for creating this space. Here are two that mean a lot to me:

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day, saying, “I will try again tomorrow.”
– Mary Anne Radmacher

“In times of pain, when the future is too terrifying to contemplate and the past too painful to remember, I have learned to pay attention to right now. The precise moment I was in was always the only safe place for me.”
– Julia Cameron

[Sunnygal]

Nice quotes.

[Sunnygal]

Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship.

Dorothy Parker

[Sunnygal]

still like this.

[polestar]

I love reading everybody’s insightful quotes !
Here’s one from Wayne Dyer’s book, Pulling Your Own Strings –
“ When you are in the company of boorish people who you feel are abusing you with their stories, bragging or pushiness, practice excusing yourself, getting right up and leaving. “

[Sunnygal]

Good one from Wayne.

[Sunnygal]

Still good.

[Sunnygal]

like Wayne.

[Sunnygal]

Here is one from Nora Ephron’s movie Heartburn:

And then the dreams break into a million tiny pieces. The dream dies. Which leaves you with a choice: you can settle for reality or you can go off like a fool and dream another dream.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by  Sunnygal.

[Sunnygal]

love this.

[polestar]

Break open
A cherry tree
And there are no flowers,
But the spring breeze
Brings forth myriad blossoms !

from: Wild Ways – Zen Poems of Ikkyu

[polestar]

From ‘ Exposing Financial Abuse ‘ by Shannon Thomas –

” Financial abuse and exploitation is quietly happening all around us, hidden within our neighborhoods and communities…We all need to have the collective understanding of how money is being used to entrap, control and abuse the people around us. Hidden financial abuse. ”

[Sunnygal]

This is interesting. Author Ellen Brown wrote The Public Bank Solution. She thinks commercial banks are not good for customers.

[Sunnygal]

Jennifer Annisren and Reese Witherspoom have a new show called The Morning Show on Apple TV. iT deals with workplace harassment. Here is a qyote from Jennifer:

There’s this absolute denial. ‘It was consensual, it was consentual.’ If you are narcissistic to the degree alot of these guys are, they think every woman wants to sleep with them.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by  Sunnygal.

[polestar]

“ Don’t ever delude yourself into thinking that you should have the ability to stay serene no matter how you are treated. Your serenity comes from the knowledge that you have a fundamental right to a nurturing environment and a fundamental right to affirm your boundaries “
– from ‘ The Verbally Abusive Relationship ‘ by Patricia Evans

[polestar]

“ I treat myself and others with tender kindness and I receive the benevolent support of the cosmos. “
– from ‘ The Book of Daily Mantras ‘ by Almine

[polestar]

“ Be the change you want to see in the world “
– Gandhi

[Sunnygal]

Here is a humorous quote from Nora Ephron-

I don’t think any day is worth living without thining about what you are going to eat at all times.

[polestar]

Good one, SG! – light hearted and refreshing.
One from ‘ The Verbally Abusive Relationship ‘,
By Patricia Evans –
“ One of our greatest needs is to understand and to be understood. In a verbally abusive relationship, the partner’s need to understand and to be understood is not met. On the other hand, her belief that her mate is rational and that understanding can be reached keeps her in the relationship. The fact that she can’t come to an understanding with her mate simply because he is abusive and will defeat her through abusive power plays is almost incomprehensible to the partner. Not coming to this realization, however, leaves the partner living in an incomprehensible reality where she is blamed for the battering of her own spirit.”

[polestar]

“ All happy families resemble one another, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way “
– from ‘ Anna Karenina ‘ by Leo Tolstoy

[polestar]

“ The dance between an empath and an abuser is one of control, mind games and mockery. This is why education is such a critical step in the healing process. Tenderness from empaths will be used against them time and time again by psychological abusers. “
– From ‘ Healing From Hidden Abuse ‘ by Shannon Thomas

[Sunnygal]

Good quote.

[Sunnygal]

very true.

[Sunnygal]

Here is a quote by Nora Ephron at the 1996 Wellesley graduation about life:

It will be messy, but embrace the mess. It will be complicated but rejoice in the complications. It will not be anything like you think it will be like, but surprizes are good for you. And don’t forget: you can always change your mind. I’ve had 4 carrers and 3 husbands.

[Sunnygal]

Still like Nora.

[polestar]

“ Turning negatives into positives became important for fully healing. Love is the most powerful force in the universe and I chose to move forward with love for my daughter rather than bitterness for my abusers. “
From ‘ PTSD: Time to Heal “ by Cathy O’Brien

[Sunnygal]

Agree with this.

[polestar]

“ Manipulative people are always “ telling “ because they have nothing good to show. Their inappropriate and dishonest actions never actually match up with their promising words, causing an overwhelming cognitive dissonance in the people who trust them. “
– Patrick Mac Kenzie, ‘ Psychopath Free ‘.

[Sunnygal]

This is true.

[polestar]

Wayne Dyer said that he studied the words, “ Success is a journey, not a destination “, and said this about the quote: “ Don’t evaluate your life in terms of achievements, trivial or monumental, along the way. If you do, you will be destined to the frustration of always seeking out other destinations, and never allowing yourself actually to be fulfilled. “ – From ‘ Pulling Your Own Strings ‘

[Sunnygal]

Yes to the journey.

[Sunnygal]

To shift your mood listen to or play music, engage in physical activity.

Dr. Amber Ault
The 5 Step Exit

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  Sunnygal.

[polestar]

“ … verbal violence all too often goes unrecognized, except at a level that you cannot even understand yourself. You know you are suffering, and you vaguely know where the pain is coming from; but because the aggression is so well hidden, you are likely to blame yourself instead of the aggressor. “ “ Your problem is that you are the victim of verbal violence and you don’t have the least idea of how to defend yourself against it.”
– From ‘ The gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense ‘ by Suzette Haden Elgin

[polestar]

“ The wise don’t need to ask, the fools ask in vain. “
– ‘ A Wizard Of Earthsea ‘ by Ursula Le Guin

[polestar]

“ Life is nothing but a dream, and if we are artists, then we can create our dream with love and our dream becomes a masterpiece of art. “
– from ‘ The Mastery of Love ‘ by Don Miguel Ruiz

[ridgid]

Great your seeing your therapist again..Now are you serious about getting yourself better? Or still using them to educate yourself on how to best manipulate and control people? 

ridgid

[polestar]

“ It is a sad state of affairs, but the fact of the matter is that the healthiest people – the most honest, whose patterns of thinking are the least distorted – are the ones easiest to treat with psychotherapy and the most likely to benefit from it. Conversely, the sicker the patients – the most dishonest in their behavior and distorted in their thinking – the less able we are to help them with any degree of success. When they are very distorted and dishonest, it seems impossible. “ – Scott Peck from ‘ People of the Lie ‘.

[Sunnygal]

I’ve always admired Scott Peck.

[Sunnygal]

The purpose of life is not to win. The purpose of life is to grow and to share.

Rabbi Harold Kushner

[Sunnygal]

This is the opposite of a psychopath.

[Sunnygal]

Admire Rabbi Kushner.

[polestar]

“ Ho Ho Ho …. Merry Christmas! “ – Santa Claus

[Sunnygal]

🙂

[emilie18]

A friend posted this on my Facebook page — I felt it was worth sharing:

Narcissist Mindset:
“That didn’t happen,
and if it did, it wasn’t that bad,
and if it was, it’s not that big of a deal,
and if it is, I didn’t mean to do it,
and if I did, then it was all your fault.”

[polestar]

Great one ! Especially the “ it was all your fault “ part. But then again, the “ that didn’t happen “ line nailed it too !

[Sunnygal]

I plead to anyone who even thinks they are involved with a narcissist- leave. Leave as soon as you are able.

Bree Bonchay, LCSW
I Am Free
freefromtoxic.com

• This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by  Sunnygal.

[Sunnygal]

Start Where You Are: A Journal of Self-Discovery

by Meera Lee Patel

[Sunnygal]

Here is a funny:

…KEEP CALM

…..and

…EAT PIZZA

[polestar]

Pizza is a cure all !!!

[Sunnygal]

Yes, It is!!

[emilie18]

Today would have been John Steinbeck’s 118th birthday. I have read every one of his books. One of my favorite quotes is from “A Life in Letters”:

“There are several kinds of love, One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you – of kindness and consideration and respect – not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.”

[Sunnygal]

Cambria, CA has a scarecrow festival in october. I got their newsletter with scarecrows with masks.

[Sunnygal]

When you can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respnd to what’s happening. That’s where your power is.

Buddhism Daily

[Sunnygal]

like this.

[Sunnygal]

stil like this.

[Sunnygal]

great quote.

[Sunnygal]

great

[Sunnygal]

Happy May Day

[polestar]

… writing out memory. The very act of moving a pen uses the logic function of the brain whereby shifting your “ emotionally incomprehensible “ trauma over to logic where it can be consciously dealt with. You already survived it once, and remembering it and writing it out will only free you from it. – PTSD: Time To Heal by Carly O’Brien

[Sunnygal]

polestar- Yes, writing heals.

SG

[Sunnygal]

Writing is good.

[Sunnygal]

great book.

[Sunnygal]

Free online course at Yale- The Science of Well Being. listed at Coursera. for gratitude, happiness, meditation, savoring

[polestar]

“ Yes, you CAN communicate successfully and end verbal violence in your life “ – Suzette Haden Elgin from the book called : You Can’t Say That To Me – Stopping the pain of verbal abuse, an 8 Step Program

[Sunnygal]

Sounds good.

[polestar]

“ The tongue has the power of life and death “ – Proverbs 18:21

[Sunnygal]

Yes and no. It has power if you give it power but you can discount anything said by a psychopath.

[polestar]

Hi SG – Great response ! I enjoyed it.
Blessings

[polestar]

Aikido is the way of nonresistance and is therefore undefeatable from the start …. merely by having the intention to fight with one who embodies the universal law, they have fixed their mind on violating the harmony of nature itself. The person with evil or malicious feeling is defeated before he makes the first move. The contest has already been decided.
– Morihei Ushiba-sensei ( the founder of Aikido )

[Sunnygal]

polestar- interesting.

SG

[Sunnygal]

Posting fr new computer.

SG

[polestar]

SG – congrats on your new computer ( these days they are so essential! ).
Blessings

[Sunnygal]

polestar- yes, a computer is essential. yjis one is silverm the letters are hard to see I will GET a;[habet stuckers,

SG

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Sunnygal.

[polestar]

You’re funny !!!

[polestar]

PS – I though that you were kidding because of all the typos in your second sentence. But in case you weren’t – glad you’ll be getting stickers !
Blessings !

[Sunnygal]

Finally got the stickers yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

[polestar]

Yeayh – we love reading your posts !

[Sunnygal]

Inch by inch its a cinch.

Rev. Robert Schuller

[polestar]

Courage means flying in the face of criticism, relying on yourself, being willing to accept and learn from the consequences of all your choices. It means believing enough in yourself and in living your life as you choose so that you can cut the strings whose ends other people hold and use to pull you in contrary directions.
– Wayne Dyer, “ Pulling Your Own Strings “

[Sunnygal]

GOOD QUOTE

[polestar]

Hi SG and everyone – It’s been a truly wonderful experience participating in the forum here at Love Fraud. I have recently realized that the reason that I was vulnerable to psychological abuse was because I had become a co-dependent person due to having narcissists in my early life. I really don’t know all the reasons that people become entangled and often remain too long in toxic relationships, but for me, I think it was due to my co-dependency issues. I don’t mean to insinuate that this is the case for all targets. In any case, I have decided to put my energy and attention into my recovery in that area -and so I will not be reading nor posting on this site henceforth. I know that everyone will be able to heal from the abuse they have endured if they have the willingness and put forth the effort required because of the plethora of information now available in so many forms. Everyone can definitely extricate themselves from people and situations that are unhealthy. I hold all of you in my heart and am greatly appreciative of all the goodwill and many kindnesses we have shared together.
Blessings to all.

[Sunnygal]

polestar- I’ve appreciated your posts. I

hope you return to give updates.

SG

[Redwald]

Dear polestar,

I am sorry to hear you are leaving–at least for the moment. You have been a treasured asset to people on this site, and your voice will be missed. But don’t let that worry you. You have done your work well.

Your name is well chosen. As the stars in the sky were a guide to sailors of old on the dark seas of night, you have been a guiding light to many here. You have said things that people like me could not have said, because I am only a bystander who learns from other people’s experience, while, like a rocket blasting off, you have been through the fire yourself on your skyward journey. As the poem goes, you have “slipped the surly bonds of earth” and “touched the face of God.”

Just by posting this you have given me an insight into a woman I once knew who I believe must have battled codependency–though she never said so–and did much to help others. Sadly, she got screwed in the end by a wretched pack of ingrates she had been helping. I think she initially put more effort than she could afford into helping them, then got burned out and gave up control where control was needed to keep them from veering in the wrong direction. Codependency does need to be dealt with.

That’s the tragic part of what I call “the codependent contract,” Many people abused or neglected in childhood are left with a lack of self esteem or a feeling that somehow they’re “not important” or worthy of attention. What they’ve been conditioned to believe is that taking care of someone else’s needs, no matter how demanding or unreasonable, is the only way to get an occasional precious scrap of gratitude, love or attention for themselves. So they’re trained always to focus on fulfilling the needs of others, to the neglect of their own needs and value, in the belief that this is the only way they can “win” the love they lack. All instead of focusing on the self-love they deserve. Worse still, they usually pick on the wrong persons to help–or those persons pick on them as exploitable targets–so the “codependent contract” is never fulfilled, and the codependent is forever disappointed.

Needless to say, “helping others” is not only necessary to humanity, but healthy and rewarding in itself. Somebody has said that “virtue is its own reward.” The authors of that book much maligned by leftists, The Bell Curve, wrote of people’s need “to perform that function so basic to human dignity: putting more into the world than they take out.” This was echoed in my father’s personal motto: “My duty–and a little more!” At a business seminar, I heard it stated that “most people want to do a good job”: a pronouncement I have never doubted. The “fight well fought” against the enemies of darkness, and the “race well run.” Doing good is a source of pride. This is all normal and human.

But if anyone feels driven to put all their energy into serving others, to the neglect of keeping the Self well nurtured, that is not healthy and can only result in depletion of the spirit.

You don’t “have” to leave in order to deal with codependency, so I wondered why. Although you didn’t say so, I’m guessing that you found the impulse too strong to spend time helping others here, when you needed that time for yourself, to recharge your batteries or refill your tanks with more rocket fuel. If so, I understand. If I’m wrong, I can only apologize, and by all means tell me if I’m “barking up the wrong kennel” about that! I wish you well, and like Sunnygal, I hope you won’t go away forever, but will let us know how you’re progressing from time to time.

Meanwhile, I raise my glass to you in that lovely old Irish song (my mother was half Irish), The Parting Glass:

Oh, all the comrades that e’er I had
Are sorry for my going away
And all the sweethearts that e’er I had
Would wish me one more day to stay
But since it falls unto my lot
That I should rise, and you should not
I’ll gently rise, and I’ll softly call
Goodnight, and joy be with you all

All the best on your journey to the stars. Bon voyage!

Redwald

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Redwald.

[polestar]

Hi SG and Redwald – Thanks for your kind responses. I very much appreciated your understanding about codependency, Redwald. I think the main issue for me is my rescuing habit. I have gotten into so much trouble by that – innumerable times. I have noticed by your posts and SGs and Donna’s that you all are able to support without rescuing, and I admire that. I, on the other hand become over concerned about the participants and will drive down the mountain in order to get internet access, to be able to respond in case they have replied to my post, often only to find that they have disappeared. I believe strongly in supporting others and it is a topic of concern about how to balance what is healthy towards others and towards oneself. I’ve been gaining a lot by from Les Carter’s book about people pleasers, and it has been an eye opener to see how much work I need to do to overcome that. I’ve been working hard at that and also trying to do a codependency program through books. I do believe that this problem is healable and perhaps when I am more recovered, I will be able to respond to posts here without getting overly emotionally involved. Anyway, your post really touched my heart.
Blessings

[Sunnygal]

Napa Valley Chamber music festival, aug, 5-23

[Sunnygal]

This is great.

[emilie18]

Great quote: “Pain comes from the injury—the collision. Suffering comes from being locked in negative thoughts thereafter. – Unknown”

[Author]

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