Come Valentine’s Day, many unattached people, or people in less-than-fulfilling relationships, may be willing to accept less than they really deserve, just to have a few crumbs of “romance.” Sarah Strudwick writes that perhaps it’s time for a change. Read:
Happy pathological free Valentines Day, on WakingYouUp.wordpress.com.
Aeylah,
Sorry you had such a rough day… that sucks that he did that to you. I remember the adreinline pumping through my veins when my ex spath started calling me on Christmas and then showing up at my house. I let him in, I should not have, but I did. I got to hear the empty words of his lies, but I was able to get some closure telling him that I am fine and that I had moved on from him. I was calm and cool and didn’t get all mushy with him. His wife contacted me by phone an email and got me stired up. I almost went off on her, but I just ignored her stupid messages and phone calls. It took a few days for me to get over that episode, but I am back to NO CONTACT. It was as if she was trying to pull me into the triangle again.
I am sorry to that you have to see your ex while you are dancing. To have something that you love be tainted by his evil. Just remember that you can not save the other woman. You can only save yourself.
I just got back from dinner with my daughter and I did buy a pink fluffy robe and some bubble bath. I took a long bubble bath by candle light and now am going to go snuggle up with my daughter and our dog and watch some sitcoms will dvr this week! It has been a very nice day.
I was just listening to a radio show with a host i really like, and today’s topic was ‘modern love.’ One of the people he interviewed was an american researcher who was looking into the affects of ‘robot love’. she was very concerned about the goal to create robots that can fake empathy, as we are hard wired to bond when people offer us empathy. she was concerned that we are not asking enough of our human relationships, if robot love was the answer. i wanted to tell her we already have robot love in the world. we call them spaths.
slim – ‘SAD’- good one! that’s what it is for many people, in the same way christmas is orphan awareness day.
i got a great lick on the forehead from a dog yesterday. knew that was what i was scoring this year.
i don’t dare open myself to the pain in my heart yet, would blow me apart.
Aeylah-Soory you had to find yoursel here again. Venting is good, don’t worry about the poison-you just spewed it out.
Congratulations on the no contact for that long, but he bit you and I think you defended yourself well. It would be nice I think if one day I am able to spew from a distance at mine.
sadme wrote:
“Just remember that you can not save the other woman. You can only save yourself. ”
Aeylah wrote:
“….who is a retired social worker that specialized in dealing with abused children!”
Wow….my spath ex moved on with another girl mere weeks after our split (probably had it in the works BEFORE the split). The new woman? Someone who works with abused / behavioral problem children!! You’d think these types of people, educated in human behavior, could spot who they are dealing with. Unfortunately the spaths are so good at weaving their tales, mirroring emotions and being “too good to be true” (at first) that it fools most people.
This woman has a young child, too.
She seems to be empathetic (because of what she does for a living) and vulnerable (single mom wanting what we all do–someone to appreciate them and love them). The perfect target.
I cannot warn her. It is not my place. And even if I tried there is no way she would believe me. She is smitten I am sure. If some girl had told me about him when we first began dating (and when he seemed too good to be true) I would have written her off as an angry and bitter ex (and he would have convinced me of that).
No, she will have to find out for herself.
Who knows? Maybe she has whatever it takes to make him into a good man. Damned if I could.
Louise, yes it was Albert Nobbs – the movie was okay. I wouldn’t say it was great. Interesting story, and Glenn Close is always amazing.
Aeylah,
Remember that spaths take “passive aggressive” to the utmost extreme – they invented it. They have NO empathy, so they will cause you to feel all the anger and hurt that they cannot feel. That makes them very very dangerous to communicate with. Even I felt angry at him reading what he said to you, and I was reminded of men in my history that said these types of things to me. Ugh
I don’t know if the anger that gets triggered is something you need to work through, or if it is just a kneejerk reaction to a spath attack. I think it’s really hard to communicate in any way with a spath and be unaffected by it. Best to just stay away.
I came home late tonight hoping that *some* man somewhere had maybe left me a voicemail or sent me an email. No such luck. After reading about some people’s spaths reaching out to them today, I should count my blessings.
Star:
Thanks for the movie update. I’ll wait to catch that one on cable 🙂
Stargazer,
Thanks for that reminder of the spath’s “passive agressive” behavour…it really helped to remind me what that comunication was all about. Adding insult to injury he added in his last text yesterday…”go in peace”!!!!! yeah right…I guess that was his projection of what he would like for himself.
Thanks everyone else for letting me vent and the reminders of why NC is THE ONLY WAY to go.
To this day it is still incredible to me how a person who is educated in psychology like the new GF in spath’s life can fall for such victim to such an abusive psychotahic personality. They are incredulous actors in the stage of the absurd….entrapping people with high levels of empathy and tolerance. When I let him know that I knew he was using this poor woman as his nurse maid for his recent medical issue he simply aknowledged by not saying anything.
Glad it not me anymore….
V-day can bring such mixed emotions and mixed signals when dealing with a spath. In my case, he will undoubtedly bring the gifts and the mushy card. But the real measure of a relationship is how one is treated the other days of the year. I think this man is playing mind games with me, as we recently had a huge discussion of our relationship (5 hours long) where ultimately he wanted me to see that most of our troubles lie in my inability to trust him. Since he cheated on me before (years ago) and I later found out about it. BUT he insists that this situation took nothing away (energy wise, time wise, etc) from his marriage/family time with me. AND he insists that he never lied to me. Deception, yes — he agrees to that but not the lying part. The 5 hour conversation was most likely rigged for me to see my ILLOGICAL thinking (according to him), and it was strange how he broke down many things to get me to answer such as “do you believe that I ever had a secret cell phone?” and wanting me to answer this question yes or no. Now I did find it very ODD that once his work called and said they couldn’t reach him on a number that I had never heard of but the office had it down for him. Of course, there is always an explanation for these things, ‘I don’t know how they got this number, but it was not mine and never has been mine.” ETC. Naturally when questionable things pop up (post affair) and I QUESTION them, he sees it as an inability to TRUST. Well, duh — yeah. I guess I have reason to!
Now after our 5 hour long conversation, I noticed that he left the computer out in our room and I admit I checked the history. There was all sorts of searches from earlier that day relating to SUICIDE. Like “how many sleeping pills does it take to kill someone” and “what is the insurance clause for suicide” and “how NOT to commit suicide” and quite a few more. Also a search for diazapam. Probably 8 – 10 things on this topic. I FEEL like (maybe) he wanted me to see this and then worry about him, like “OMG, he’s considering killing himself.” THEN I started to worry about maybe he is thinking about using this info to harm me….I spoke to my therapist about this and she believes that he left that stuff on there because he figured I would see it. MANIPULATIVE man that he is. Who does this I keep asking?? Yes, I know, a very sick manipulative person does this!! So, two days later, I looked at his computer again, and all of the stuff related to suicide was ERASED. But the other searches were still in there. He just selectively deleted the info related to suicide. WHAT is his point I keep asking myself…then I realized that whatever his point is it does not matter. Because he is obviously very screwed up in the mind and I don’t need to worry about HIM. I need to worry about ME.
Valentine’s day rolls around and I get many nice things from him, but always in the back of my mind is the fact that this is someone I do not trust and I do need to get myself off of the rollercoaster —- once and for all. Maybe next year, V-Day will be different.
Thank you for letting me vent this and any input would be really helpful and appreciated.