Donna Anderson’s important latest post reminds me that one topic which will never be worn out is that of the psychopath’s lies and their impact on others.
This week I want to very briefly introduce yet another take on this inexhaustible topic. Everyone lies, but there’s something else at stake in the case of the psychopath’s lies.
To illustrate: you might say about any regular (non-psychopathic) person, “Things would be better if s/he was to lie less often. Her/his soul or psyche would be healthier as would her relationships.” That’s true. Now try this on for size and notice how wrong it seems: “Things would be better if the psychopath was to lie less often. His soul or psyche would be healthier as would his relationships.”
Weirdly, this is patently not the case. The psychopath will be just as sick/evil no matter how many or how few lies he tells. It’s not a quantitative but a qualitative matter.
It is commonly said that a defining characteristic of psychopaths is that they are pathological liars. This is right if you mean that they are profoundly dishonest and not to be trusted. It does not mean, though, that psychopaths lie a lot. They do lie a lot and those lies cause havoc. But as I hope my illustration above shows, lying less will not make them better people.
So, how does this work? The thing about psychopaths is that even their truths are lies! Or rather, whether or not they happen to be telling the truth or a lie at any particular moment is not what makes them psychopathic. What makes them psychopathic is that they use and destroy people; truth or lies are for them just so many weapons for pursuing their prey.
M.L. Gallagher said a lot when she wrote this:
He is the lie….
From hello to good-bye. I love you to I hate you. You’re beautiful to you’re ugly.
It was all a lie….When friends or my family ask, but what about this, or what about that, I tell them. It was all a lie. There was no truth in him.
If I spend my time trying to figure out fact from fiction, all I am doing is trying to prove I wasn’t so stupid. See, this was true. That’s why I fell in love with him.
Truth is. I fell in love with him because I believed his lie.
When I discovered the truth, I was so enmeshed in his lie, I couldn’t find the truth in me. And so I sank.
Hi Iwonder – it’s a hangin ~! I was reading your above post..What brings you back to LF? oops…just joking… I am so happy to see you, sorry your still ruminating like myself or is this a new pain in the ass?
Skylar and LL and all thanks for your continued friendship. Sometimes after I post some lame comment I think I should go back and delete that drivel nonsense. But I feel connected here. I feel welcome most of the time and want to thank all lovefraud bloggers for adding to my life.
And Shalom’s comment has just blown me away, a wiener/corgy named after me – a year ago….
Hi Hens,
I never really left. I was dating someone for about a year and didn’t have much time to post. The past year I’ve been out of that situation romantically, but tried to stay “friends” with the guy and it wasn’t healthy. NC since last April with that one. I don’t know why I even try sometimes. I’m having a nice summer with no drama. I’ll be ok in a few more weeks..I just get frustrated with watching people meet, fall in love, get married and live happily ever after. Does it really happen?
(((((((((((( hens ))))))))))))))))))))
I love you sweetie. Ain’t no one more special than a man with weiners!
LL
Iwonder – I am beginning to think finding a genuine, down to earth good man is next to impossible, they are a rarity, like Oxy says we have a better chance of winning the lottery than finding a good mate..wish I had bought a five dollar ticket today than squandering my time with a narsissit this afternoon,. BUT Iwonder if we dont buy a ticket we wont win and same goes with men if we dont stick out toes out there we will never get stepped on, so we get stepped on more than we should but I think we are better able to deal with the nonsense than we were 3 – 4 years ago…dont you?
lesson learned – I am xtra special, I have four wieners….Anthony Weiner dont have nothing on me….~!
Hens
wait……………oh nevermind ROFLOL!!!
I was gonna say you have THREE Weiners….but you’re right, you have FOUR
LOL!!!!
LL
Hens,
In all sincerity, I love your lame comments and drivel nonsense! You CRACK me up…. Plus, you ADD so much
here at LF, I don’t think you even realize it.
Have a GOOD night!
Dear shalom,
A belated welcome!
Henry, sugar, you ALREADY had his number before you even met him didn’t you? That’s the thing, your P-dar is pretty good….and I’m right proud of you and me both actually in that department. Me with the guy who wanted to go for the joy ride in the plane AT MY EXPENSE/RISK, and this guy.
From now on LISTEN TO YOUR INTUITION….what is this deal about SEEING/KNOWING THE RED FLAGS, and giving them a “chance” to prove you wrong? BOINK! Now go put an ice pack on your head! And where is my duck support money? LOL (((hugs)))
Well, we were posting over each other, Hens, and I might add that you don’t post pictures of all of your weiners on the net either! Anthony Weiner is such a dork—Clothes off or on, he looks like a weiner! NOT a WINNER.
Oxy I think Anthony is kind of attractive for a Wiener…guess i will send u some more 3 dollar bills so you will stop quacking…Yes I knew the guy was ‘off’ before he came out but..I was just testig my pdar…..and it was accurate…he was a flaming narcissist…hope he doesnt call again…