Donna Anderson’s important latest post reminds me that one topic which will never be worn out is that of the psychopath’s lies and their impact on others.
This week I want to very briefly introduce yet another take on this inexhaustible topic. Everyone lies, but there’s something else at stake in the case of the psychopath’s lies.
To illustrate: you might say about any regular (non-psychopathic) person, “Things would be better if s/he was to lie less often. Her/his soul or psyche would be healthier as would her relationships.” That’s true. Now try this on for size and notice how wrong it seems: “Things would be better if the psychopath was to lie less often. His soul or psyche would be healthier as would his relationships.”
Weirdly, this is patently not the case. The psychopath will be just as sick/evil no matter how many or how few lies he tells. It’s not a quantitative but a qualitative matter.
It is commonly said that a defining characteristic of psychopaths is that they are pathological liars. This is right if you mean that they are profoundly dishonest and not to be trusted. It does not mean, though, that psychopaths lie a lot. They do lie a lot and those lies cause havoc. But as I hope my illustration above shows, lying less will not make them better people.
So, how does this work? The thing about psychopaths is that even their truths are lies! Or rather, whether or not they happen to be telling the truth or a lie at any particular moment is not what makes them psychopathic. What makes them psychopathic is that they use and destroy people; truth or lies are for them just so many weapons for pursuing their prey.
M.L. Gallagher said a lot when she wrote this:
He is the lie….
From hello to good-bye. I love you to I hate you. You’re beautiful to you’re ugly.
It was all a lie….When friends or my family ask, but what about this, or what about that, I tell them. It was all a lie. There was no truth in him.
If I spend my time trying to figure out fact from fiction, all I am doing is trying to prove I wasn’t so stupid. See, this was true. That’s why I fell in love with him.
Truth is. I fell in love with him because I believed his lie.
When I discovered the truth, I was so enmeshed in his lie, I couldn’t find the truth in me. And so I sank.
Candy
ROFLOL!!!!!!!!!!!! I love it!!!
LL
BBE
Sorry, it’s hard for me to keep up with whose spath is what or which or well, you get the picture 🙂
LL
SK
I understand the feeling of wanting to “Hurt” him back, but that wouldn’t do any good because spaths don’t “feel” hurt.
It would only hurt YOU more.
And it would give him a great high knowing that you were “Suffering” over him
Bastards.
LL
Hope – you clever clogs ((((smiling))))
Hi LL. You are right about them watching others on Facebook. It kind of gave mine a buzz too.
Cell phones and the internet help sociopaths tremendously. My ex always has two cell phones: one “official” cell and one secret cell. He also had the “other” women listed as male names in his contact list. I found this out when he left his phone in the house one day (usually never let it leave his side). Someone kept calling over and over. I finally looked and saw that “John” was calling. This was a guy he worked with, so I thought it must be something really important for him to be calling over and over. So the next time it rang, I answered. Instead of John, it was a female he used to work with, one I was sure he’d had an affair with. Not only was she not concerned that his wife had answered the phone, but she was extremely rude, demanding that I put him on the phone immediately. She said, “I didn’t call to talk to you! Put * on the phone!” I insisted that he cut contact with her, but he refused. I tried to talk to her about it, but she told me that they would always be friends and there was nothing I could do about it. I know that they are still connected even now, because he likes to forward group emails to me and about 5 other people, and her name is on the list. I won’t give him the satisfaction of asking him to quit sending them to me. I just hit the delete button. Modern technology makes life easier in many ways, including making it easier for sociopaths to do their dirty work.
Candy: his calling everybody HUN! LOL classic…
imustacheyouaquestion – yep, women listed as colleagues or garages etc is the norm as is having 2 phones. Mine would go into a panic if he left his mobile on the side by accident. I have known him to drive all the way home to get it. Dumb ass, by then I’d read his messages to use as ammunition later.
I put my X’s cell phone in the mirco wave for 4 seconds, didnt melt it or show any signs of abuse, but it sure stopped it from ringing 24/7..I will never forget how frustrated he was, he kept saying ” My cell phone is broke ~! ” I said ” Oh MY ~! Wonder what went wrong?”
One time I got fed up of being called Hun and said my name is XXX then he accidentally called me by his ex’s name!
(((((((((((((((Hens))))))))))))))))