Donna Anderson’s important latest post reminds me that one topic which will never be worn out is that of the psychopath’s lies and their impact on others.
This week I want to very briefly introduce yet another take on this inexhaustible topic. Everyone lies, but there’s something else at stake in the case of the psychopath’s lies.
To illustrate: you might say about any regular (non-psychopathic) person, “Things would be better if s/he was to lie less often. Her/his soul or psyche would be healthier as would her relationships.” That’s true. Now try this on for size and notice how wrong it seems: “Things would be better if the psychopath was to lie less often. His soul or psyche would be healthier as would his relationships.”
Weirdly, this is patently not the case. The psychopath will be just as sick/evil no matter how many or how few lies he tells. It’s not a quantitative but a qualitative matter.
It is commonly said that a defining characteristic of psychopaths is that they are pathological liars. This is right if you mean that they are profoundly dishonest and not to be trusted. It does not mean, though, that psychopaths lie a lot. They do lie a lot and those lies cause havoc. But as I hope my illustration above shows, lying less will not make them better people.
So, how does this work? The thing about psychopaths is that even their truths are lies! Or rather, whether or not they happen to be telling the truth or a lie at any particular moment is not what makes them psychopathic. What makes them psychopathic is that they use and destroy people; truth or lies are for them just so many weapons for pursuing their prey.
M.L. Gallagher said a lot when she wrote this:
He is the lie….
From hello to good-bye. I love you to I hate you. You’re beautiful to you’re ugly.
It was all a lie….When friends or my family ask, but what about this, or what about that, I tell them. It was all a lie. There was no truth in him.
If I spend my time trying to figure out fact from fiction, all I am doing is trying to prove I wasn’t so stupid. See, this was true. That’s why I fell in love with him.
Truth is. I fell in love with him because I believed his lie.
When I discovered the truth, I was so enmeshed in his lie, I couldn’t find the truth in me. And so I sank.
One J
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HIlarious!!!!
but who would be surprised!!!!
((((((Hens)))))
LL
CANDY HOLY COW THAT MADE MY DAY! TOOO FLIPPING FUNNY!!!!!!
SK
LL
I dunno (about how to hurt a spath).
I think “outing” them has potential rewards.
my x called me sugar booger…..
onejay – not braggin just throwin that in every few months for the newbies…
🙂
Hens….((((you Spathinator you))))…LOL good trick with the cell phone…..
….speaking of cell phones, as I mentioned in previous posts, I can’t change my phone number (or block his #number) to keep him from texting me because it’s in all my business cards and resumes and Tmobil charges xtra for blocking #’s , which I can’t affort to do at this time.
….well ….no sooner the S is back from his Parisian vacation that he starts texting again….1 a day, since last week, it’s amazing how he thinks he broadcasts to all his women and waits to see what he gets in return…..so far he’s texted “Hi”, “miss you”, “good morning” and “Is it a Crime”-a Sade song tittle in which the words say “is it a crime that I still want you and I want you to want me too”!!!!!!!!!
These are the same stupid lines he’s used before, over and over…..maybe eventually he’ll actually make a sentence with it all….LOL…..I have not reacted, responded nor cared a Shiat about any of it…only amazed at how he thinks this will get a reaction out of me. Worst of all I know he’s sending this message out to ALL the WOMEN on his calling card, just like putting his fixhing lure out and waiting to see who bites! CLASSIC PREDATORY MOVE!….Cell phones and the internet must be MUST HAVE WEAPON FOR SOCIOPATHS….TOOLS OF THE TRADE!!!
6 Weeks NC…and 3 months since I sent him to the curb….for the last time…..I’m determined this time I will succeed!
aeylah – i was able to block the spath on my cell itself, and i didn’t have to go to the provider and pay.
hahahaha: too funny: hens microwaving the cellphone. 🙂
Brilliant, hens…I knew there was something special about you! heheheheehehe
THAT has to be the happiest and lightest experience share I have read yet on this blog! 🙂 Thanks hens…
Oh yah, maybe 3 or 4 different cell phones? Then don’t forget laptop. 😉
Just a horrid experience…
I don’t know what ever made him think I actually could care about something like him in the first place….at least for a ‘love interest/serious relationship”…I was his best friend for a long time without my expecting anything at all. I never wanted him FOR MY LIFE. He was my friend. HE is the one who turned it ugly and vile. Then, I get the blame for it all and threatened to boot! Imagine that…
Unbelievable!!!! Still has me reeling sometimes, searching for that ‘answer’; that ‘mising piece’, but there isn’t one. The only one there is IS the one I build for myself.
CONTINUAL stalking; just continous…just enough everyday that he tries forcing his way into my thoughts. hahahahahahaha: unbelievable. You know it makes a HUGE difference in the quality of our lives once you realize what and who it is you are dealing with.
Getting them away from you is the biggest achievement because once you do that, you have time to breathe and come out of that mind controlling fog they put you under and you start seeing the REAL truths about that person that you THOUGHT was the person YOU WANTED because we were overlooking the truths. We cared too much and we left ourselves open for this abuse.
“Outting” a spath works well if it is involved with the law and/or legal actions. That usually keeps them away. Or, the serious CREDIBLE threat of legal action. Which means THEY KNOW and YOU KNOW that your cause of action and claim are valid and you have the proof to back it up.
Sure, it may push them off the edge and they will try to kill you again because the first time didn’t work or they will slither back under the slimey rock that they climbed out from underneath.
I write to you all this evening with a new sense of strength. My mind is just about free of this disease.
I am no longer ruminating inside my head. I am not obsessed with this situation any longer. All the veils have been removed and I am thinking as clearly as any human being could. And, I am absolutely NOT going to tolerate this in my life any longer.
Spath can harrass and threaten and stalk all he wants but that does not change one thing. If he keeps it up he will go to jail and that is all there is to it. I have done nothing to him but he has TRIED TO KILL ME and has been nothing but a complete tyrant the whole time I have known him.
I am finished with this garbage in my life.
Thanks for the laugh and smiles, hens…
You all have a great evening.
DUPED
I love this site!!!
This puts everything into perspective for me and makes me realise I’m not alone with all this crazy rubbish!
Their phone antics are hilarious, and as usual it could be the same man. Nut job texted me twice in the space of 5 mins with the same message but slightly differently worded – both to ‘gorgeous’. I texted back saying ‘how many people called gorgeous do you know?’ No answer! Come to think of it this was my first red flag and I ignored it 🙁
As with others he had me paying his phone bills while he was using it to contact other women, receiving texts from women with pictures of their bare breasts and sending them pictures of himself in an excited state! When I questioned him he said he was texting his mother! Lol!
I once caught him out after he’d stayed overnight at an ex’s. When I questioned him, he threw his phone at me after clearing all texts and recent calls from it. He’d taken pictures while he was there and they were timed and dated. He was in a complete rage at being caught out, and smashed his phone up with a hammer on my chopping board. He broke the chopping board into pieces but the phone was harder to break – just shows how tough these things are. If I’d only known about Hens trick with the microwave I could have helped him out. As it was I had to gently explain that it wasn’t the phones fault that he was found out but maybe something to do with the user. Anyway months later I found his sim under the fridge and some how broke it in half when it accidentally fell in the bin! 🙂