Donna Anderson’s important latest post reminds me that one topic which will never be worn out is that of the psychopath’s lies and their impact on others.
This week I want to very briefly introduce yet another take on this inexhaustible topic. Everyone lies, but there’s something else at stake in the case of the psychopath’s lies.
To illustrate: you might say about any regular (non-psychopathic) person, “Things would be better if s/he was to lie less often. Her/his soul or psyche would be healthier as would her relationships.” That’s true. Now try this on for size and notice how wrong it seems: “Things would be better if the psychopath was to lie less often. His soul or psyche would be healthier as would his relationships.”
Weirdly, this is patently not the case. The psychopath will be just as sick/evil no matter how many or how few lies he tells. It’s not a quantitative but a qualitative matter.
It is commonly said that a defining characteristic of psychopaths is that they are pathological liars. This is right if you mean that they are profoundly dishonest and not to be trusted. It does not mean, though, that psychopaths lie a lot. They do lie a lot and those lies cause havoc. But as I hope my illustration above shows, lying less will not make them better people.
So, how does this work? The thing about psychopaths is that even their truths are lies! Or rather, whether or not they happen to be telling the truth or a lie at any particular moment is not what makes them psychopathic. What makes them psychopathic is that they use and destroy people; truth or lies are for them just so many weapons for pursuing their prey.
M.L. Gallagher said a lot when she wrote this:
He is the lie….
From hello to good-bye. I love you to I hate you. You’re beautiful to you’re ugly.
It was all a lie….When friends or my family ask, but what about this, or what about that, I tell them. It was all a lie. There was no truth in him.
If I spend my time trying to figure out fact from fiction, all I am doing is trying to prove I wasn’t so stupid. See, this was true. That’s why I fell in love with him.
Truth is. I fell in love with him because I believed his lie.
When I discovered the truth, I was so enmeshed in his lie, I couldn’t find the truth in me. And so I sank.
Yeah Petite.
Well of course he played the kind man role. If he revealed his true motives, you wouldn’t have given him what he really wanted, which had NOTHING to do with loving you.
Dear Petite,
Katy is so right on this, they do the “loving, kind, caring” person ACT to lure us in so they can take what they want.
Here in the US these con jobs are called “bait and switch” in a business deal but it is the same in the”romance” deal.
A business will advertise something that is really a “great deal” say new windows for your house….first quality windows for 4th quality price….(that’s the bait) but when they do the job they use 10th quality product and totally BAD LABOR so you got baited into the deal and of course paid up close to the front and then got bad windows poorly installed in your home and now YOU HAVE TO SUE TO GET YOUR MONEY BACK….and they close up shop and move out of town so there isn’t even any way to do that. NOW, YOU ARE LEFT “HOLDING THE BAG” worse off than before the first deal.
The psychopaths and abusers do the same thing, they LURE US IN with the promise of this WONDERFUL SPECIAL LOVE when all they are interested in is getting us conned and bedded.
If they started out by saying “You’re a beautiful woman, wanna fark?” you would not be interested in the deal, but they “bait” us with you are so “special” and so “lovely” and I want to be with you forever.”
There is a crude saying here “Lie down, darling, I think I love you, ” then after sex it is “get up, I’m not sure.”
Ox,
There is a crude saying here “Lie down, darling, I think I love you, ” then after sex it is “get up, I’m not sure.”
ROFLOL!!!
Well, I must say, I’d not heard that one before but OMG is it the TRUTH!
LL
Katydid
Your so right about no control when angry. When my ex dumped me un November he said some horrible things. When we was making up he said that he says something out of order. I react and he sees no way back end the abusive words escalate.
I’m feeling a bit sick and scared when I think about him. My mum and friends say even though he ‘dumped’ me again over the phone, I have actually finished it by not calling him as per usual.
Also when he dumped me I said what about my stuff? He said come down and fetch it. I said no, packed his stuff and my mum and dad went and took his stuff and got mine.
I feel so bad on my mum and dad and my friends as they have only seen me over the last two years when it’s gone wrong and I’m in a state.
Been to look at my house today, hopefully I’ll get the keys in the next week ot two. Tons of work to do there!! I will also get my puppy in two weeks. Was supposed to get one in jan 11 but my ex dumped me blaming puppy pressure. Lol and I cancelled it and I’d been waiting for a pup from this breeder for two years.
I remember at the start of the relationship I said id just lost my dog and would get another. He said I couldnt stand a dog getting all of your attention and not me. Maybe our own kid but not a dog.
What a bullshitting loser waste if time. Why do o feel depressed???
Xx
missmellyuk – YES, your mum is right. Keep listening to her. your mum and day were brave to act as go-between about your stuff. Good plan. It keeps you out of his reach. Don’t let them down, more importantly – don’t let yourself down. ( I have a joke about that – will post it in a minute)
You have a future, something to look forward to, your new home and your puppy, focus on them.
Someone else posted on her (can’t remember who at the moment) about a dog and their spath.
Finally you feel ‘depressed’ because the drama is over. You finally have time to THINK. And when we have time to think everything becomes clearer – eventually. Stay NC.
Joke – mummy balloon, daddy balloon and baby balloon.
Baby balloon wakes in the night so he goes to snuggle inbetween mummy and daddy balloon.
He’s not comfy so he hatches a plan.
He undoes the knot on mummy balloon and lets some air out. No, still no good, still not comfy.
So he undoes the knot and lets some air out of daddy balloon. No, still not comfy.
So he thinks ‘I know, I’ll let some air out of myself’ so he does.
In the morning when he wakes mummy balloon is lying there looking at baby balloon very sternly.
She says ‘baby balloon, I’m very disappointed in you. You let your father down………. you let me down………. but most importantly ……YOU LET YOURSELF DOWN’
Thanks candy xx
My dad made mum stay in the car! She wanted to put his bags in skip, dad wouldn’t let her. So when dad wasn’t looking she ripped the bottom of the bags and when my dad lifted them all the stuff plus breakables fell out. Lol and they drove off.
I hate him a bit today. My mate thinks three weeks till I’m better. I’ve missed my family and friends so much. He saud when you move down south baby you will mix with a better class of person! Cheeky bastard, I think the people I met through him are all losers!!
BASTARD I HATE HIM!!!
Thanks for support girls xxx
lko1960 – yep, the chorus in your song is spot on. Thanks:)
Ps: I packed every shite gift he gave me, us cards we exchanged and pictures of us and our time in his bin bags. Hope that have him a clear message xx