Donna Anderson’s important latest post reminds me that one topic which will never be worn out is that of the psychopath’s lies and their impact on others.
This week I want to very briefly introduce yet another take on this inexhaustible topic. Everyone lies, but there’s something else at stake in the case of the psychopath’s lies.
To illustrate: you might say about any regular (non-psychopathic) person, “Things would be better if s/he was to lie less often. Her/his soul or psyche would be healthier as would her relationships.” That’s true. Now try this on for size and notice how wrong it seems: “Things would be better if the psychopath was to lie less often. His soul or psyche would be healthier as would his relationships.”
Weirdly, this is patently not the case. The psychopath will be just as sick/evil no matter how many or how few lies he tells. It’s not a quantitative but a qualitative matter.
It is commonly said that a defining characteristic of psychopaths is that they are pathological liars. This is right if you mean that they are profoundly dishonest and not to be trusted. It does not mean, though, that psychopaths lie a lot. They do lie a lot and those lies cause havoc. But as I hope my illustration above shows, lying less will not make them better people.
So, how does this work? The thing about psychopaths is that even their truths are lies! Or rather, whether or not they happen to be telling the truth or a lie at any particular moment is not what makes them psychopathic. What makes them psychopathic is that they use and destroy people; truth or lies are for them just so many weapons for pursuing their prey.
M.L. Gallagher said a lot when she wrote this:
He is the lie….
From hello to good-bye. I love you to I hate you. You’re beautiful to you’re ugly.
It was all a lie….When friends or my family ask, but what about this, or what about that, I tell them. It was all a lie. There was no truth in him.
If I spend my time trying to figure out fact from fiction, all I am doing is trying to prove I wasn’t so stupid. See, this was true. That’s why I fell in love with him.
Truth is. I fell in love with him because I believed his lie.
When I discovered the truth, I was so enmeshed in his lie, I couldn’t find the truth in me. And so I sank.
Oxy
You’ve inspired me to the same. My rock garden needs work. Thank you. Katy
YAWN, gmornin, it’s cold and gray and rainin here. All the rocks are stone cold gray. The flowers need planting but it’s so cold I can’t plant them yet. It’s so dull and boring here….Yawn back to sleep I go.
Ana, Do you knit? When it’s cold gray and boring outside, I often knit sock-puppets. It keeps me busy.
Oxy, my front porch is awash with color. I have wandering jew, and tiny purple pansys. I have yellow and orange pansys. I have 4 O’clocks, and hens and chickens. Phylodendon and ferns are hanging in baskets. I have Cilantro, and Parsley, Rosemary, Oregeno, Thyme, Mint and Lemon balm, Basil, and some mystery weed that is in bloom with tiny Yellow/orange/red flowers. It seems to be producing berries. Can anybody identify it for me?
I drug around an old park bench from the back yard, and put pots of pink and white petunias on either side. It is very rustic looking and perfectly compliments my “natural (unpainted) wood siding on my little cabin/cottage. Only the trim is painted in white and yellow.My yard is un sodded, so a bit of a problem…just dull as dirt….I have some mondo grass as a border up against my front porch. I water it as much as possible so that it will spread. I have really enjoyed the planting and care-taking process of these growing things. It’s been a lovely way to spend these Spring days.
I’ve been collecting broken glass for a mosaic project I am looking forward to. Because I have no extra money, I can’t go out and buy the tessera, so must make do with what I find.
Since most of the broken glass I am finding comes from beer bottles, it is mostly brown or green. Concrete mix is cheap and gray. I live in a beach town, so shells are readily available. We have sea turtles here, and they are endangered, so are a political concern. I am going to make a mosaic stepping stone and on it will be a green, gray and brown Sea turtle. The back ground gray of the concrete will mimic the sand, and I will use a few shells as well.
I’m exited about it.
I wish I could come and tickle my nose in the sweet soft down of the baby duckies.
Have a lovely, day Ox.
I have no sod, so my yard is a bit pathetic, but I hav
Kim,
LOL – I loooove sock puppets! Of course, I actually never knitted a set….
Only plant I have is a rose of Jericho. It’s an African tumbleweed, that you can hold in your hand. If you sprinkle some waterdrops on it, it will open up within minutes and show its beautiful green heart. After a couple of days it closes up again, and looks like this withered away brown ball of twigs and leaves.
While I take care of my cat, I can’t even keep a cactus (gave them too much water). The rose of Jericho is fun to sprinkle with water, but it’s very healthy for it to neglect it even for months, otherwise it gets a fungus. So, perfect for me, and it thrives here already for years.
I’m getting the urge again. The pdoc was a waste of time, said something like “did you really think this was going to workout? You had the crisis team out lastyear because of the relationship and said yourself that your CBT has been taken over by him”!! I feel like the path again now, maybe he was put off me by my anxiety, moods, then pull away, tried to put distance between us and I just became more needy and demanding.
I feel like shit today xxx
What a neat plant. Where did you get it? Is it wild? Do they grow in Florida?
Mellu,
Even if you were needy, no deserving man with feelings would treat you like shit over it. Hugs. It isn’t your fault.
It is a wild plant, but quite common in the African deserts. You may find imported ones. I found mine in a bones and shells shop around the corner. Very interesting unique shop where they sell skulls of animals, rocks, shells… But all common stuff… nothing rare. Got a nice pink lamp, because of the huge pink shell that goes on top of the small light.
darwinsmom! I found mine on the internet, common midwestern plant tho! And Kim is going to knit some sock puppets plants so that she has EVEN MORE extended family!