Donna Anderson’s important latest post reminds me that one topic which will never be worn out is that of the psychopath’s lies and their impact on others.
This week I want to very briefly introduce yet another take on this inexhaustible topic. Everyone lies, but there’s something else at stake in the case of the psychopath’s lies.
To illustrate: you might say about any regular (non-psychopathic) person, “Things would be better if s/he was to lie less often. Her/his soul or psyche would be healthier as would her relationships.” That’s true. Now try this on for size and notice how wrong it seems: “Things would be better if the psychopath was to lie less often. His soul or psyche would be healthier as would his relationships.”
Weirdly, this is patently not the case. The psychopath will be just as sick/evil no matter how many or how few lies he tells. It’s not a quantitative but a qualitative matter.
It is commonly said that a defining characteristic of psychopaths is that they are pathological liars. This is right if you mean that they are profoundly dishonest and not to be trusted. It does not mean, though, that psychopaths lie a lot. They do lie a lot and those lies cause havoc. But as I hope my illustration above shows, lying less will not make them better people.
So, how does this work? The thing about psychopaths is that even their truths are lies! Or rather, whether or not they happen to be telling the truth or a lie at any particular moment is not what makes them psychopathic. What makes them psychopathic is that they use and destroy people; truth or lies are for them just so many weapons for pursuing their prey.
M.L. Gallagher said a lot when she wrote this:
He is the lie….
From hello to good-bye. I love you to I hate you. You’re beautiful to you’re ugly.
It was all a lie….When friends or my family ask, but what about this, or what about that, I tell them. It was all a lie. There was no truth in him.
If I spend my time trying to figure out fact from fiction, all I am doing is trying to prove I wasn’t so stupid. See, this was true. That’s why I fell in love with him.
Truth is. I fell in love with him because I believed his lie.
When I discovered the truth, I was so enmeshed in his lie, I couldn’t find the truth in me. And so I sank.
Ana – i know where you can get a set of 20 for FREE!
A Hunt,
you said:
As a psychopath, I’ve done some admittedly devious stuff but I do not think destroying others has ever been my focus.
So what WAS your focus when doing devious stuff? I’m very interested.
sky o my
Onestep, huh? I don’t get it. Knit sock puppets, so I have even more extended family? Am I missing something?
not you kim, but my potted plant – she who has many sockpuppets. 🙂
Oh. Is she who has many sock-puppets named, (gasp) Kim?
Or am I giong to knit sock puppets so that she who cannot be named has even more extended family? Ok, think I got it.
One Joy,
I can’t find the thread where we left off talking about your boss last night.
Just wanted to say that he is “warning” you that he flies into rages seemingly for no reason, so that when you see it happen, you will just put up with it.
It’s just the narcissist reverting back to his child-like state.
Keep some cookies around and promise him one if he behaves. If he doesn’t, go make him sit in a corner. I’m not kidding. The respond well to a maternal authority.
Very true Sky. N/S #2 would turn into a little boy when I called him on his shit. He adored his mother(yah he was certainly the golden child-I think that idea is SPOT ON). He says his mother “never took any shit”. I modeled myself on her so I could get a hand up on him (stooopid, I know).
Robert Greene in “The Art of Seduction” says that is how to get a man like that. Model his mother!! I did not know that when I was trying it. Just grasping for straws. Sick, really that we have to resort to doing stuff like that to hang on to a prick!! VOMIT!!
Robert Greene is the same guy who wrote, “The 48 Laws of Power”. It reads like a psychopaths play book. Ox did a review on the book. It’s in the archives, if you’re interested.