Donna Anderson’s important latest post reminds me that one topic which will never be worn out is that of the psychopath’s lies and their impact on others.
This week I want to very briefly introduce yet another take on this inexhaustible topic. Everyone lies, but there’s something else at stake in the case of the psychopath’s lies.
To illustrate: you might say about any regular (non-psychopathic) person, “Things would be better if s/he was to lie less often. Her/his soul or psyche would be healthier as would her relationships.” That’s true. Now try this on for size and notice how wrong it seems: “Things would be better if the psychopath was to lie less often. His soul or psyche would be healthier as would his relationships.”
Weirdly, this is patently not the case. The psychopath will be just as sick/evil no matter how many or how few lies he tells. It’s not a quantitative but a qualitative matter.
It is commonly said that a defining characteristic of psychopaths is that they are pathological liars. This is right if you mean that they are profoundly dishonest and not to be trusted. It does not mean, though, that psychopaths lie a lot. They do lie a lot and those lies cause havoc. But as I hope my illustration above shows, lying less will not make them better people.
So, how does this work? The thing about psychopaths is that even their truths are lies! Or rather, whether or not they happen to be telling the truth or a lie at any particular moment is not what makes them psychopathic. What makes them psychopathic is that they use and destroy people; truth or lies are for them just so many weapons for pursuing their prey.
M.L. Gallagher said a lot when she wrote this:
He is the lie….
From hello to good-bye. I love you to I hate you. You’re beautiful to you’re ugly.
It was all a lie….When friends or my family ask, but what about this, or what about that, I tell them. It was all a lie. There was no truth in him.
If I spend my time trying to figure out fact from fiction, all I am doing is trying to prove I wasn’t so stupid. See, this was true. That’s why I fell in love with him.
Truth is. I fell in love with him because I believed his lie.
When I discovered the truth, I was so enmeshed in his lie, I couldn’t find the truth in me. And so I sank.
Nolarn – Wow, sounds like you have had a fun day. You come across really upbeat and you got bucks too. Life’s on the up I think.
KIM – yah you got it!:)
I understand what caused the confusion.
SKY – if he rages, I GET HIS ASS FIRED. PERIOD. AND yes, I can. what a lovely thing to be able to say. exhale.
Candy-I hope so. I even get to go to the Josh Groban concert tonight at the UNO arena cuz my friend had an extra ticket. Yay! I just hope now that the agency can get me into info shifts to make my upcoming bills and my rent.
i had a talk with someone yesterday that reminded me of who i used to be. when i moved away from home i felt such freedom, as the only ‘hold’ my family had on me – the financial one- was BROKEN, and i didn’t have to do what they wanted anymore. that’s how i felt in my late teens.
i know how i got to the place where i was willing to ask for help (which is good, but useless when faced with a bs family), and how being sick and poor, and stolen from decades later affected the sense and reality of freedom from the strings of economic dependency.
i was talking about the recent offer of ‘stuff’ from their vacation home – i know one of those things is a car. it’s been a bit messy inside of me, saying no to everything…until last night, when i remembered the freedom i gained by moving out. when i asked for nothing, they gave nothing, i expected nothing. it’s shitty that the sire hasn’t been there for me, but my 18 year old self was smart….and it didn’t feel like PAIN to her, it felt like FREEDOM. So, regardless of my relative inability to take care of myself (compared to when i was 18), i am STILL gonna breath FREEDOM about this whole issue.
ha
ha
ha!
Nolarn. Wishing you a fun time. Let us know how it goes. I’m off to bed. Goodnight everyone.
re the road rage and mints – you have been the spathinator for a looong time sky. 🙂
the spath used the sock puppets to rage. the first time it broke my heart. after that (and there wasn’t much after that time – only a few weeks) i just went, ‘i’m done’. Post calling her a spath on the night of the fake boy’s fake resurrection after the fake death (snort!), she went after me publicly and privately. the public stuff (and i didn’t know it was HER at that point) was threatening and oh so effing bitchy, and so did affect me, but it didn’t HURT me, because i wasn’t invested in the oh so bithcy character, because her was oh so bitchy. the private stuff – well, wasn’t invested in that character much, but that is where the smear campaign threat was; and given my situation THAT scared the hell our of me. I have lost much of that fear in the last month or so. I have revealed parts of her con of me in a public forum – one which she trolls about on. (you know the one). i keep thinking about a road trip to her trial. don’t know if i am serious or not. but i am thinking it.
A wonderful illustration by Gallagher. Thanks so much for sharing. I needed that today!
Sky that is really too funny he doesn’t like calm. They DON”T and are not happy unless they cause drama. Turd used to say he didn’t cause drama but he did it so underhandedly (the triangulation LL talks about) and he sits back and enjoys the show. I agree, what a fucker.
Darwinsmom you know that is what I really miss about being with him. We would sit and have a smoke in the evenings and he would regale me with some funny ass stories about his kid brothers antics. I miss having the pain relief from the pot but I would rather have arthritis than turditis! LOL I am too chicken to get it on my own!
I think it does help them. They need to self medicate and zone out because they know what havic they create in thier lives and the lives of others. Turd once told me “women cause pain”. I don’t think he is full blown spath but Narc for sure and I think now “OF COURSE THEY DO DUMBASS. YOU TREAT THEM LIKE SHIT AND THEY DUMP YOUR ASS”. He has such a steady stream of women that I am sure any pain he may feel certainly does not last very long.
I try really hard not to feel sorry for him.
Today I’ve received an email from the psycho which says “Earthquake! What a disaster!” Because he must have heard in the news there has been an earthquake in Spain, in a province which is very close to the one i live in.
As i’ve learnt a new word: turd. I’ve answered “Turd! How it is to be a psychopath? I am very curious”
He hasn’t written anything more.
LOL Eva!
turd is a perfect description of them. That is exactly how I would have responded to him, too.
I didn’t hear about your earthquake, are you ok?
Looks like Shania Twain got 2 spaths in her life. I hope there isn’t a third turd!!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1386119/Shania-Twain-moment-confronted-best-friend-stole-husband.html