Donna Anderson’s important latest post reminds me that one topic which will never be worn out is that of the psychopath’s lies and their impact on others.
This week I want to very briefly introduce yet another take on this inexhaustible topic. Everyone lies, but there’s something else at stake in the case of the psychopath’s lies.
To illustrate: you might say about any regular (non-psychopathic) person, “Things would be better if s/he was to lie less often. Her/his soul or psyche would be healthier as would her relationships.” That’s true. Now try this on for size and notice how wrong it seems: “Things would be better if the psychopath was to lie less often. His soul or psyche would be healthier as would his relationships.”
Weirdly, this is patently not the case. The psychopath will be just as sick/evil no matter how many or how few lies he tells. It’s not a quantitative but a qualitative matter.
It is commonly said that a defining characteristic of psychopaths is that they are pathological liars. This is right if you mean that they are profoundly dishonest and not to be trusted. It does not mean, though, that psychopaths lie a lot. They do lie a lot and those lies cause havoc. But as I hope my illustration above shows, lying less will not make them better people.
So, how does this work? The thing about psychopaths is that even their truths are lies! Or rather, whether or not they happen to be telling the truth or a lie at any particular moment is not what makes them psychopathic. What makes them psychopathic is that they use and destroy people; truth or lies are for them just so many weapons for pursuing their prey.
M.L. Gallagher said a lot when she wrote this:
He is the lie….
From hello to good-bye. I love you to I hate you. You’re beautiful to you’re ugly.
It was all a lie….When friends or my family ask, but what about this, or what about that, I tell them. It was all a lie. There was no truth in him.
If I spend my time trying to figure out fact from fiction, all I am doing is trying to prove I wasn’t so stupid. See, this was true. That’s why I fell in love with him.
Truth is. I fell in love with him because I believed his lie.
When I discovered the truth, I was so enmeshed in his lie, I couldn’t find the truth in me. And so I sank.
Thanks guys
I’ve managed another day, thanks to you 🙂
My best friend has been round and she has said “Melly you’ve been scamed”
Anyway she wants me to invest in her business idea, I have taken 20% share. I got one of my notepads out to taken notes, as I am getting a share just for writing business plan and gettting funding, doing website etc.
In this note pad I found a bloody list of things I wrote about him in Jan 11. I can’t believe this, here goes:
FUCK HIM
-He’s a loser
-Can’t find a proper job
-Imature
-Takes no reasponsibility for anything
-Always somebody elses fault
-Tight
-Never treats me to anything
-Saffs of me
-Never takes me out or makes me feel nice
-Selfish wanker
-He has no assperations/dreams
-He’s bald
-He’s happy to live in a shit hole
-He’s never done anything nice for me
-Not given me many O’s 😉
-Can’t deal with ANY stress
-He’s moody/depressive
-Hooked on weed and drinks booze, always has one, mostly both
-When we have gone out, he always fucks off with his mates
-Isn’t and hasn’t been honest with me
-He’s not socialable
-He makes no effort with my family and friends at all
-I’m starting to hate him
OH MY GOD
I’m such a numpty, what is going on with my head?????
I feel a little like me right now, planning my move, puppy and new business venture 😀
I hope you don’t mind me writing on here all the time. I feel like a right tit.
Thanks people
Melly xxx
PS: what do you make of that list hey???
I feel like emailing him a link to this page ……………..
Ha my mate read the list….she left a big tick at the bottom and wrote ‘well done, good work melly A* hehe
missmelly – ‘I feel like emailing him a link to this page ——”.. ‘ DON’T YOU DARE! 🙂
Why not??? It will make the worthless sack of shit wheep 😀
He’s been sussed
I wonder how long I was feeling like that for?
My mate said March 2010 I was totally mad, she said I looked like I’d been battered. The only thing missing was bruising, cuts and swelling!!!!
She assurred me I have never been that mad, she said he drove me mad!
I love my friends and family……I’m so lucky
I was stressing about text messages my mum had sent him, saying things like she wants to kill him, dig a hole and crawl into it and die. But my friend says thats a family Melly, thats what he hasn’t got and will never understand.
He will say its mad, but any mother seeing her daughter abused and used would react like that. Her two year old has retinoblastoma (eye cancer), they found out when she was 6 months. She has lost a eye now, but is in remmission in her good and has been for 3 months. She says the hardest part is being a mum and not been able to make things better for her.
My ex thought me and my mate were sick because we used to make jokes about ‘cancer baby’ and the benefits like disabled parking we was going to milk. But we had too, thats my mate and if she didn’t take the piss out of the situation, she would crack up.
She’s amazing and through all of the last 1 and a half of chemo, infections, losing her house, removal of eye, she has kept going for her children and partner. They have an amazing relationship, totally amazing and through it all they have raised 10k for the retinoblastoma research.
I’m blessed with lovely, loving people, god knows why I am stressing about him.
missmelly – well, it WON’T make him weep if he is a spath…and girl we don’t need another one trolling around here.
I know, that guy scared me off for a few days.
Sorry I was only joking.
Hope I didn’t offend x
whew! thought i’d have to come over there and disable your internet connection. 😉
Help
Been feeling really god but he’s text my mum saying where’s my passport and painting!!! I hope he doesn’t contact me now, I’m shaking.
xx