Donna Anderson’s important latest post reminds me that one topic which will never be worn out is that of the psychopath’s lies and their impact on others.
This week I want to very briefly introduce yet another take on this inexhaustible topic. Everyone lies, but there’s something else at stake in the case of the psychopath’s lies.
To illustrate: you might say about any regular (non-psychopathic) person, “Things would be better if s/he was to lie less often. Her/his soul or psyche would be healthier as would her relationships.” That’s true. Now try this on for size and notice how wrong it seems: “Things would be better if the psychopath was to lie less often. His soul or psyche would be healthier as would his relationships.”
Weirdly, this is patently not the case. The psychopath will be just as sick/evil no matter how many or how few lies he tells. It’s not a quantitative but a qualitative matter.
It is commonly said that a defining characteristic of psychopaths is that they are pathological liars. This is right if you mean that they are profoundly dishonest and not to be trusted. It does not mean, though, that psychopaths lie a lot. They do lie a lot and those lies cause havoc. But as I hope my illustration above shows, lying less will not make them better people.
So, how does this work? The thing about psychopaths is that even their truths are lies! Or rather, whether or not they happen to be telling the truth or a lie at any particular moment is not what makes them psychopathic. What makes them psychopathic is that they use and destroy people; truth or lies are for them just so many weapons for pursuing their prey.
M.L. Gallagher said a lot when she wrote this:
He is the lie….
From hello to good-bye. I love you to I hate you. You’re beautiful to you’re ugly.
It was all a lie….When friends or my family ask, but what about this, or what about that, I tell them. It was all a lie. There was no truth in him.
If I spend my time trying to figure out fact from fiction, all I am doing is trying to prove I wasn’t so stupid. See, this was true. That’s why I fell in love with him.
Truth is. I fell in love with him because I believed his lie.
When I discovered the truth, I was so enmeshed in his lie, I couldn’t find the truth in me. And so I sank.
Dear Missmelly,
Do you have his passport or painting? If so, put them in shipment to him. BLOCK any further way of him contacting you, and ask your mom not to reply to him. Good luck.
I’m dealing with a private rage so maybe I am over sensitive but I’ve been tracking the Terminator story.
Q: Any think this Republican would have been elected Governor of CA WITHOUT that Kennedy connection?
Q: How many doors were opened b/c of WHO he was married to?
Q: What kind of low life do you have to be to withhold infidelity that created a child, and yet appear in public as…??? a family man. A good guy. Happily married. A values guy.
Actor 1
Wife 0, zeroed out on a choice whether to support her unfaithful spouse so he can realize the kind of success which he likely would NOT have without her.
USER. ACTOR. Narcissist. EXPLOITATOR.
SHE gave up her career for WHAT? Ya really think she would have gave up her career if she had known?
YOu know, Katy, when I was trolling the news blogs this morning, I had the same thoughts as the questions you asked.
ALSO, remember just before he left office, he changed the sentence for his FRIEND’s kid for MURDER…? That, by the way, is being fought by the DA, but any way when he was questioned about it, he siad “Of course that’s what you do for friends.” Like it was just business as usual to negate justice for your friends.
I’m no great fan over all of the Kennedy clan, many of the males in that family have been serial cheaters, including Edward “Teddy” and John and the old man made his money in illegal booze and prostitution, but you are right, the Kennedy clan has political power for sure and I have NO doubt that his marriage helped him.
I’m actually glad that it was outed and he is to be seen for what he really is, a CHEAT…but I am sorry that his wife and kids have had to endure what must have been private hell behind closed doors. What a creep!
Interesting observations katy and oxy
Arnold thinks that he can do what he wants for a friend because he’s special and therefore so is his friend. He is special therefore rules do not apply to him that’s why he is allowed to cheat on his wife. That is pure narcissism.
Think about it. Poor maria was raised around narcissists, so that’s what she married. Because it seemed normal to her and she did not see the red flags. Ps and N’s Are so predictable, Anybody who thought about it could have seen this coming.
KatyDid and Ox Drover,
It’s a shame that Maria’s husband is a cheater, but her maternal side of the family has a history of men being womanizers (I’ve read different biographies about the Kennedy clan). I tend to think that her father, Sargent Shriver (the Kennedy men poked fun at him, but they could have learned from him, how to treat people in general, such as their own family members), was faithful to his wife, Eunice, being a good example to Maria and her brothers. When I heard the story about Arnold fathering a child with household help, I thought that his apology to his wife, Maria, was worthless, probably not heartfelt. Apparently, she found out about the affair and child after he left office as governor of California. I hope that the younger generations of the Kennedy clan will break the cycle, loving and honoring their spouses, not cheating on them.
I did think that maybe Maria Shriver was trying to break the cycle. She did not marry a politician. It was well known that she was not happy about Arnolds bid for governor, but as a spouse, she supported him, and gave up her career for his aspirations. HE USED her. He knew about that child then. He knew she was giving up her career for him. He kept that child secret until he was no longer in office. Somebody knew and helped to keep that secret.
Unfaithful. Lying. Conspiracy. Narcissism. Exploitation.
How about THEIR children? Think he considered them? When a spouse cheats, they cheat on the family, not just their partner.
He says he loves her (actually he speaks for her saying they love each other.) Anyone think his love is true???!!! Actually, I do still think Maria worked to actively break that cycle, after all… she isn’t blindly standing by him with the deer in headlights gaze. I think she thought she was marrying outside the curse. Esp b/c She left.
When I heard that this woman he “fathered a child with” continued to be a household employee for ANOTHER 10 YEARS I almost swallowed my tongue….what balls on both the part of the woman and on his part to keep the mother of his child on as the family maid…gimme a break!
It never amazes me though when a politician turns out to be a serial cheat or a dishonest creep! I almost think it is a condition of office! And How about the French guy head of the International MOnetary fund that tried to rape the maid at the hotel?
TRASH!!!! Nothing but rich trash that think they are special!!!!!
I am impressed at how Maria is handling it and I wish her peace, but I imagine it will be a while before she is able to find it. She didn’t deserve to be treated like that. What a piece of work he is.
All I know is that Maria Shriver gave her all to her marriage, only to discover that her husband’s “love” for her was not equal to her own. I”m sure that she is in pain, feeling badly that she was married to such a man. I agree with Skylar – Arnold is a narcissist, getting his wants and needs fed, not being tuned into his wife at all. He is incapable of grasping just how deeply he has hurt her. It’s unfortunate how her life with Arnold Schwarzenegger ended up. Maria Shriver deserves better.
Dear Blue, Yea I thought his “im sorry” was pretty lame.
Ox Drover,
My question is why did Arnold bother to confess to his affair and out-of-wedlock child? Was he forced to confess because some media outlet had the story and was ready to break it?