Donna Anderson’s important latest post reminds me that one topic which will never be worn out is that of the psychopath’s lies and their impact on others.
This week I want to very briefly introduce yet another take on this inexhaustible topic. Everyone lies, but there’s something else at stake in the case of the psychopath’s lies.
To illustrate: you might say about any regular (non-psychopathic) person, “Things would be better if s/he was to lie less often. Her/his soul or psyche would be healthier as would her relationships.” That’s true. Now try this on for size and notice how wrong it seems: “Things would be better if the psychopath was to lie less often. His soul or psyche would be healthier as would his relationships.”
Weirdly, this is patently not the case. The psychopath will be just as sick/evil no matter how many or how few lies he tells. It’s not a quantitative but a qualitative matter.
It is commonly said that a defining characteristic of psychopaths is that they are pathological liars. This is right if you mean that they are profoundly dishonest and not to be trusted. It does not mean, though, that psychopaths lie a lot. They do lie a lot and those lies cause havoc. But as I hope my illustration above shows, lying less will not make them better people.
So, how does this work? The thing about psychopaths is that even their truths are lies! Or rather, whether or not they happen to be telling the truth or a lie at any particular moment is not what makes them psychopathic. What makes them psychopathic is that they use and destroy people; truth or lies are for them just so many weapons for pursuing their prey.
M.L. Gallagher said a lot when she wrote this:
He is the lie….
From hello to good-bye. I love you to I hate you. You’re beautiful to you’re ugly.
It was all a lie….When friends or my family ask, but what about this, or what about that, I tell them. It was all a lie. There was no truth in him.
If I spend my time trying to figure out fact from fiction, all I am doing is trying to prove I wasn’t so stupid. See, this was true. That’s why I fell in love with him.
Truth is. I fell in love with him because I believed his lie.
When I discovered the truth, I was so enmeshed in his lie, I couldn’t find the truth in me. And so I sank.
Katy, great post to Mr. Hens! I agree look for friends, not lovers, and find a great friend and you may also find a lover at the same time. Gotta be a great friend before they can even be a passable lover…friendship is the best basis for a lover!
So go find someone to be friends with…even female friends have male friends who might turn out to be someone interesting.
i am blessed to have you all.. i am not fishin for compliments, i am really stuck in the shadows as katydid say’s…
Hens,
You would be surprised how many people are homebody’s. I am.. and so appreciate your ways! You are so awesome, you don’t even know! I’d love to have you for a “real” friend any day of the week. Anyone who gets you for a friend or lover gets soooo much! Don’t ever doubt YOU!!
eb92044 YES I HAVE THE BOOK ” BREAKING YOUR ADDICTION TO A PERSON”. I think I have it up for sale on amazon, and it’s definitely in my closet of books I’m moving out.
I read hundreds of books and sell most of them shortly after reading.
That particular book I read early on when I was trying to get rid of my spath. It was a good early read.
The book is obviously well loved – I bought it that way and didn’t give a hoot.
I can send it to you if you want. If you want it, let me know, I’ll post a temporary email address for you on this site, and you can give me your address that way if you like.
Or whatever.
Superkid
That was a great post that Katy made to Hens and I totally agree.
hens – are you affected by moon cycles? do you pay attention to that, and how they affect your mood?
it’s felt like you are on the cusp of change for awhile, just a bit unsure about how to affect it.
summer’s almost here. you ever go to IGRA rodeos? i think you need to try something new.
just a thought.
1step i am affected by moon cycles very much – i am a virgo..i am on a cusp of change – i can feel it -i do like igra rodeos but i dont even keep up with local events etc, we dont have a ‘newsletter’ here..i am out of the loop so to speak.. i am really doing much better, just having anxiety lately – not depressed – I know i need to get out and be seen and i am gonna work on that…thanx for your thots
one/joy ~ wow, you may have a good point there! The moon was just FULL yesterday, right? It really can affect the way people act and feel. There are always more bar fights, and other goofy stuff like that when the moon is full.
Hens~ You are one helluva catch. Come out into the light dude. Attend some events that you enjoy. You’ll find like-minded people, you’re bound to make friends, with your wonderful personality, and sense of humor. You can do it Hens. For heaven’s sake, look at all the folks that luv ya here!!
(((((HUGS)))))
H2H
Hens ~ we posted over each other. You doing all right??
Hens,
I just read some tornadoes hit Northern Kansas, near Topeka.
Is that anywhere near you?
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43124039/ns/weather