Donna Anderson’s important latest post reminds me that one topic which will never be worn out is that of the psychopath’s lies and their impact on others.
This week I want to very briefly introduce yet another take on this inexhaustible topic. Everyone lies, but there’s something else at stake in the case of the psychopath’s lies.
To illustrate: you might say about any regular (non-psychopathic) person, “Things would be better if s/he was to lie less often. Her/his soul or psyche would be healthier as would her relationships.” That’s true. Now try this on for size and notice how wrong it seems: “Things would be better if the psychopath was to lie less often. His soul or psyche would be healthier as would his relationships.”
Weirdly, this is patently not the case. The psychopath will be just as sick/evil no matter how many or how few lies he tells. It’s not a quantitative but a qualitative matter.
It is commonly said that a defining characteristic of psychopaths is that they are pathological liars. This is right if you mean that they are profoundly dishonest and not to be trusted. It does not mean, though, that psychopaths lie a lot. They do lie a lot and those lies cause havoc. But as I hope my illustration above shows, lying less will not make them better people.
So, how does this work? The thing about psychopaths is that even their truths are lies! Or rather, whether or not they happen to be telling the truth or a lie at any particular moment is not what makes them psychopathic. What makes them psychopathic is that they use and destroy people; truth or lies are for them just so many weapons for pursuing their prey.
M.L. Gallagher said a lot when she wrote this:
He is the lie….
From hello to good-bye. I love you to I hate you. You’re beautiful to you’re ugly.
It was all a lie….When friends or my family ask, but what about this, or what about that, I tell them. It was all a lie. There was no truth in him.
If I spend my time trying to figure out fact from fiction, all I am doing is trying to prove I wasn’t so stupid. See, this was true. That’s why I fell in love with him.
Truth is. I fell in love with him because I believed his lie.
When I discovered the truth, I was so enmeshed in his lie, I couldn’t find the truth in me. And so I sank.
Sky ~ I thought Hens was somewhere near OKC, but I’m not sure. I hope he’s OK
thanks for that H2H,
I was letting myself start to worry.
I was a bit worried too. He usually says pumpkin time, or something… haven’t seen a post for awhile. I pulled up a Google map & if he’s in OKC, he’s quite a distance from the NE part of Kansas. I know that he’s in Oklahoma somewhere… mentioned it last night when we were chatting a bit about our veggie gardens
This pumpkin needs to get some sleep too. Take care. TTYL
Ox Drover:
Thank you!! I am also very picky as you can tell. You are so funny…I love your sense of humor! I know we could both find someone in a minute if that is what we wanted, but we don’t. Life is funny like that.
Me, too…I am going to be happy by myself. Then I will be able to give my love to a man who is hopefully also happy by himself instead of being two people trying to make each other happy 🙂
Superkid:
How much do you want for the book?
Hens – i was inspired by your saying there is no newsletter in your area, to look up a great old magazine (which i thought was a bit ‘old’ for me when i was younger) and get a subscription – it connects women all across the US (and into Canada) with events and festivals; and has topics like gardening and other stuff 😉 i am interested in. they also provide it free. yup. lovely old socialists! i will pay some when i get paid again.
then i got inspired to snoop around on the web and after a couple of click-throughs found this: http://queerfarmer.blogspot.com/ (make sure you read past the first family…just sayin.)
I know you are more of a horticultural guy, but there has to be somethings equiv. out there – a network. and this one place where our age aka experience, is a blessing.
okay, have to go did in MY garden, with the young folk (not queer, but i won’t hold that against them. 🙂 )
OMG…Its WAY too early for this!!!
So, those of you who know the “Comcast” saga…well, another piece has come to light. I have been receiving bills from Comcast for 87.40-the cost of one months worth of service.
Some of you may remember the ‘letter’ he sent telling me he didnt know how I could consider myself a ‘good’ person or ‘trustworthy’ or ‘honest’ because I was ‘using’ the service during the month he was gone and not paying for it. THE BILL WAS IN HIS NAME…enough said.
He also went on in the letter to tell me he would pay for the month he ‘forgot’ to pay (87.40) and its only ‘right’ that I pay for one month also (87.40). He told me his ‘balance’ was ‘almost 200 dollars.” I called Comcast this morning to see why I kept getting a bill…
The lady said the bill WAS almost 200 dollars BUT half of that was LATE FEES, SERVICE CHARGES, MISCELLANEOUS CHARGES. She said they TOOK THOSE CHARGES OFF and now the balance is 87.40—MY PORTION OF THE BILL!!!!
He LIED…AGAIN!!! He made it seem as though he was paying for ‘his’ half of the bill, when in actuality, ‘his’ half WAS CREDITED!!!
He tried GUILTING me into paying the bill HE OWES FOR NOT SHUTTING THE GOD DAMN SERVICE OFF TO BEGIN WITH!!!
Im gonna go to the gym and lift heavy weights…I may or may not throw them at ANYONE who has ANY resemblance to him what-so-ever 🙂
RRRRRAAAAWWWWRRRRRR!!!
🙂
Hens ~ it’s good to see your smilin’ face this morning!
robx, are you going to just cross your address off the bill,
write “not at this address” and place it back in the mail box?
That’s what I do. I was still getting his mail… a bill for the car registration, etc etc.
One piece of mail I opened was a $900 ticket for making an illegal U-turn
on a highway… that one went in the trash! oops!