It has been interesting to listen to the pundits trying to explain why someone would declare war on those in a theater and open fire. One said, “most of the time these acts are not committed by sociopaths” and asserted that most of the shooters are “depressed.” Many other pundits have said the shooter is obviously without conscience and have described him as “a psychopath.”
I bring up these issues because of another story that received very little coverage because it was eclipsed by the horrific events in Colorado. Today I would like to honor the memory of Amara, Sophie and Cecilia, three little ones whose only crime was having a monster as a father.
Since this story has not received much coverage, and there is very little information available about how the father functioned and his personality style, I cannot tell you his score on the psychopathy test. We do know that his ex-wife, the girls’ mother, did have concerns about his mental state and behavior and that he had previously harmed one of the girls. The divorce was final only 6 months ago.
According to news reports, father phoned mother asking to see the girls, she consented. The girls were at home with a babysitter who said that when father got there the girls rushed to greet him and showed excitement to see him. That was the last time she saw them alive.
After receiving the warm loving greeting the father reportedly slit their throats, tucked them in bed and sent the mother a text telling her that she could come home because the girls were dead.
The father’s lawyer said father was depressed and had been treated for depression. Perhaps he and the Colorado shooter had the same psychiatrist, or perhaps these psychiatrists were from the same training program as that pundit?
I have been studying the accounts of adults whose parents score high on the Hare psychopathy test. The majority say that although they might have suspected their parent was deviant they still tried to solicit love from that parent. Obviously a child’s exuberance should not be used as an indication that there is a healthy parent child relationship.
I wonder if the mother had been told by those around her and family court officers that she should not interfere with the father’s access to the girls? or that she should be careful not to say anything derogatory about him? If the custodial parent is not allowed to look after the safety of the children then tragedies like this will continue to happen because I know from firsthand experience that many family court judges do not care. The system accepts the deaths and abuse of children as collateral damage in their battle to support the sick ideology that every child is better off with a relationship with both their parents. They are unable to identify these abusers.
Links to accounts of the story:
http://www.grandforksherald.com/event/article/id/241523/group/homepage/
http://www.thenorthwestern.com/viewart/20120725/OSH0101/307250166/Aaron-Schaffhausen-stand-trial-death-three-daughters-Two-Rivers-Wisconsin
More cases from today’s paper:
3 shot dead in Pa; girl taken, found safe in Ohio
http://news.yahoo.com/3-shot-dead-pa-girl-taken-found-safe-135829942.html
Horror as father ‘pushes baby and ex out of third-floor window ” then climbs down fire escape to attack them again’
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2180169/Horror-father-Frederico-Bruno-pushes-ex-girlfriend-baby-floor-window.html?ito=feeds-newsxml
just……………why?
strongawoman – that mother may have been trying to have an amicable relationship as much as possible in order to benefit her daughters. I know because I do the same. Anytime I do anything that upsets the ex the children are punished for it by his tempers, he is cold and angry while he has them and expresses great bitterness about women in general and me specifically which the girls share with me and they find upsetting… The father of my daughters (my wonderful choice of (now ex)- husband) has physically hurt my girls – been very rough and has on two occasions crossed the line with my oldest. He has been reported to CPS. I had the kids therapist do it so it did not come from me but directly from what they told her… The kids were interviewed by the police as well. Nothing happened. I have no legal right to prevent him from seeing the girls.
Here in CA and in many locations in the US they are committed to both parents being in the children’s lives despite what is best for them. Often father’s have greater rights than mothers.
Do I think it possible he would hurt them in order to hurt me – truthfully I’m not sure. I bend over backwards to make his life easy – he is supposed to have 40% custody but has in essence 10-15% so he has plenty of free time for himself to do whatever he wants – I do not go to court and get the full amount of support – receive about half and count myself lucky for that and that his healthcare covers my kids. He is a firefighter and works 2 days a week and makes twice what I make working 5 and taking almost full time care of the girls and he still hates me… Funny thing is – as irritating as it is having to deal with him – I thank God for it because he gave me the greatest blessings of my life.
My therapist told me that she had a patient who reported her ex-husband’s abuse of the kids 5X (yes FIVE TIMES) and nothing was done and finally one day the kids were at Dad’s and he threatened to kill the 13 year old boy and this time the kid had had enough and he called CPS himself. Do you want to know what happened to the Mom? She was brought up on charges for allowing the kids to be in an unsafe environment! Yup – she was in trouble for letting them go to his house yet when she asked for the help to prevent it they wouldn’t give it to her. That is the insanity of the CPS and court system when it comes to children’s well being these people don’t know enough to make a decent decision much of the time and with the N/P & S’s looking so rational and calm and cool with the other parent freaking and upset the courts choose the “more appealing” person who is usually the evil one and the reason the other parent is a wreck is because they want to save their kids and feel helpless. During DV counseling I accompanied a friend to her court for custody hearings and the DV advocate kept telling her to be calm and not get upset with the ex no matter what or she would lose.
Breckgirl, I’m sorry that you’re dealing with such a nasty situation. I can’t even describe the first exspath & custody/visitation nonsense – it was incredible, it really was. A court-appointed counselor even said that he thought that the first exspath was a sociopath, and the court gave him physical custody of BOTH.
So…..the system is beyond broken. It needs to be dismantled and rebuilt in some manner. The first order of business would be to abolish “no-fault” divorce. The second would be to employ better-trained CPS and DFYS workers that are required, as a part of their employment, to engage in continuous counseling therapy. The third would be for laws to be altered to reflect that “both parents” are not always the best option. Employers should be involved, as well as child-advocacy by people who have no emotional involvement with the children at stake.
There is no “win” where children are involved. Very few divorces end amicably with both parents working together for the sakes of the children and putting aside their own issues. This is a rare, rare occurance. And, the only people who “win” in these cases are the attorneys. They are paid whether the children get a fair shake, or not. They are paid whether or not the children are in danger, or not.
Finally, the psychiatric and psychological communities must come to an understanding about sociopathy, the definition, and the absolute fact that it cannot be cured, treated, or managed, in any way, shape, or form.
These are dire changes for dire circumstances. Children have no voice, and their non-spath parents have even less of a voice.
(sigh)
It’s a fine line to walk and a crap shoot regarding what is going to put them over the edge on any given day.
Breckgirl, I hear you. I totally sympathise with your situation. You do the best you can under the cosh that is the so called law, so called fairness to all. I live in the UK and after the horrific murder of Victoria Climbie, the law was changed. External agencies such as social services and others were encouraged to work together. Single point of access. This law was meant to alert all public services that are involved in child abuse cases or children on the child protection register. They must work together for the benefit of the child. The child is paramount. Always. Trouble is you can’t legislate for evil.
If I sounded judgmental. It wasn’t my intention. I too had an abusive husband. He would “punish” my children if I didn’t toe the line.
I was referring to the newspaper article where the unfortunate Mother agreed to let him see the girls alone, because she didn’t want to have contact.
It’s a cruel game of cat and mouse. And as is so often the case here, the perpetrators are called the victim.
Strongawoman, you didn’t sound judgemental. And, that you live in the UK adds to the mix on this amazing site.
I’m in the US, and there are many, many beautiful places and amazing things in this country. It is vast, it is large, and it is broken, badly. We are the only “progressive” nation on earth that holds that health care is a privilege and not a basic human right. We also hold that “division of assets” means straight down the middle without any heed paid to whom did what to whom, except if one party contracts STD from their partner’s activities. We “say” that a person is innocent until proven guilty, and that’s often the case in criminal issues. But, when it comes to domestic Law, divorce Law, and Civil Law, it is not only grossly “unfair,” but it is rarely sensible or reasonable.
I have family in the UK and have often dreamed of going there, forever. I’ve never been, but it seems like a much closer society. I don’t know this, but it’s how it seems to me.
At any rate….you are 100% right: it is, indeed, a cruel game of cat and mouse, and perpetrators in this country are treated more fairly than their victims.
Strongawoman – thanks – I just wanted you to understand how far beyond our control it is regarding the visitation etc. I am betting she was not able to keep them away from him and quite frankly he appears to me (based on what he did) the type to have come and murdered the children even if he had no visitation rights… He wanted to hurt her and he did and my guess is no piece of paper would have stopped him.
So sad. So so sad…
Truth,
I don’t know if we as a society are more caring. Yes we have the welfare state and the National Health Service but the divide between rich and poor is becoming greater especially since the change of government a few years ago.
Sheesh, if they have their way Lord knows what will become of the less fortunate in our society. It just seems to me that the values of the socialists, the people who believe that everyone deserves they’re basic needs are met, are increasingly having their beliefs trodden into the dirt. Dog eat dog rules. I’m alright and fark you. NO, NO, NO!! Don’t get me going on politics, Truthy. It sucks Yah!!
Ps Caps are for shouting, Lol
Breckgirl, thanks for sharing.You are fighting with one arm tied behind your back, effectively. I see that. It is horrendous the lengths you have to go through to keep your part of the bargain.
No bargaining with terrorists I say. But the law says you must…..to remain fair. WTF!
And I echoe your sentiments. Terribly sad, may they rest in peace