It has been interesting to listen to the pundits trying to explain why someone would declare war on those in a theater and open fire. One said, “most of the time these acts are not committed by sociopaths” and asserted that most of the shooters are “depressed.” Many other pundits have said the shooter is obviously without conscience and have described him as “a psychopath.”
I bring up these issues because of another story that received very little coverage because it was eclipsed by the horrific events in Colorado. Today I would like to honor the memory of Amara, Sophie and Cecilia, three little ones whose only crime was having a monster as a father.
Since this story has not received much coverage, and there is very little information available about how the father functioned and his personality style, I cannot tell you his score on the psychopathy test. We do know that his ex-wife, the girls’ mother, did have concerns about his mental state and behavior and that he had previously harmed one of the girls. The divorce was final only 6 months ago.
According to news reports, father phoned mother asking to see the girls, she consented. The girls were at home with a babysitter who said that when father got there the girls rushed to greet him and showed excitement to see him. That was the last time she saw them alive.
After receiving the warm loving greeting the father reportedly slit their throats, tucked them in bed and sent the mother a text telling her that she could come home because the girls were dead.
The father’s lawyer said father was depressed and had been treated for depression. Perhaps he and the Colorado shooter had the same psychiatrist, or perhaps these psychiatrists were from the same training program as that pundit?
I have been studying the accounts of adults whose parents score high on the Hare psychopathy test. The majority say that although they might have suspected their parent was deviant they still tried to solicit love from that parent. Obviously a child’s exuberance should not be used as an indication that there is a healthy parent child relationship.
I wonder if the mother had been told by those around her and family court officers that she should not interfere with the father’s access to the girls? or that she should be careful not to say anything derogatory about him? If the custodial parent is not allowed to look after the safety of the children then tragedies like this will continue to happen because I know from firsthand experience that many family court judges do not care. The system accepts the deaths and abuse of children as collateral damage in their battle to support the sick ideology that every child is better off with a relationship with both their parents. They are unable to identify these abusers.
Links to accounts of the story:
http://www.grandforksherald.com/event/article/id/241523/group/homepage/
http://www.thenorthwestern.com/viewart/20120725/OSH0101/307250166/Aaron-Schaffhausen-stand-trial-death-three-daughters-Two-Rivers-Wisconsin
Strongawoman, indeed, because of the broken system(s), we’re pretty much hogtied. The best I feel that I can do is to spit in the general direction of the exspath. Ptooie. And, that’s it.
Until changes are made, and until such time as society creates a cultural change, sociopathy will continue to see “benefits” of being excused as a “personality disorder,” and the victims will continue being blindsided, abused, robbed, and murdered.
Very, very, sad…..all of it
Morning Everyone…
I have been reading all of your posts.
Mind if I chime in?
Having had a 2-1/2 year old Grandson murdered (he would be 22 years old this year)
I can see what this monster did to his own children was a means to hurt their mother.
It was the same scenario in my Grandson’s murder.
The ultimate ‘fark you’ just like Ox said.
This MORON grew up with my Daughter (why would you not trust someone to not hurt a child?) I mean, that’s unfathomable; right? Not so. Even when it’s their own, sometimes….This mother wasn’t paying attention nor heeding the red flags and there had to have been many! Perhaps she was dominated by “IT” as well.
I would have absolutely REFUSED to allow the kids to go with him. But, then, many times, they are very charming and can mirror a persona of peace and smiling….while underneath they are boiling about to erupt. At any moment.
Of course, the mother, herself, could have been very controlled and dominated by this puke as well. All I know is that I don’t think he deserves to die (ie: death penalty)…that’s too easy. Puts them out of their misery…
He deserves to live, like the puke who murdered my Grandson, for an eternity, RIGHT WHERE HE IS. And when he gets sick, and near death, they need to revive him and make him well again, so he can go right back there where he belongs. I want him to live to be a very very very old man.
As far as law enforcement goes and the courts:
I absolutely agree, 1,000%, that they need to be overhauled and updated and meant to include crimes of psychological basis. Victimization of any kind needs to be thwarted and NON HARM to all should be the given as an absolute right.
I do think, judging on the courts and law enforcement, in my area, that more and more attention is starting to be given to these types of psychological crimes. But as I read, more and more, that is not the norm in the majority of the country. Least not from what I am seeing and hearing. I do think that the courts and law enforcement are very short staffed, especially now, with all the budget cuts and economy faltering like it has been. They are overworked and understaffed.
I do think that we need to PROTECT OURSELVES more and realize that someone may not always be there to catch our backs. I am not saying run out and purchase a weapon, but what I am saying is be more ‘aware’, watch for the signs of this type of psychopathy. It’s flourishing and they need to nip it in the bud before it becomes an accepted ‘norm’.
Our children are growing up and watching all this.
They are becoming desensitized.
In a Civil court of law, are not punitive damages awarded for pain and suffering? Are these injuries not considered separate when tallying up the damages? If that is true (which it is) then why isn’t there a legal provision prohibiting these types of behavior? Prior to a completely horrid end, as happened here.
The system that was suppose to be protecting these kids is broken. Because the people running the system, itself, are broken. You have to feed the stomach, sometimes, to feed the mind, right? Perhaps we need to educate more. We need to make those in charge aware but people don’t want to hear about the ‘boogeyman’ hiding in their backyard. It rattles their world and scares them. Understandable, however, let’s not all become ‘deer in the headlights’.
I am not one to say: “There ought to be a law for that; a law for this…” WHAT I AM SAYING (caps used for emphasis) is that victimization is unacceptable for any reason at any level. Victimization is victimization. Period.
It takes awareness and people learning and spreading the word and speaking out and demanding from our lawmakers that this area be absolutely monitored. Absolutely.
Some how, some way, we need to look at things a whole lot different in the way things are done. To protect the innocent as well as protecting the sick and twisted. They are the ones who end up being the ‘protected one’ when you really think about it. They hide behind their ‘illness’ using it for all they can get, the same way they do everything else. Then they are ‘protected’, again, when they are sent away for their hideous crimes and nice and safe, unlike their victims.
It’s up to US, right now, to safeguard ourselves and to pay attention and to teach our children and the people we love…there seems to be a whole new breed of ‘human’, if that is what you can call them, coming up behind us on the evolution scale and I wonder what has happened to things like compassion, common sense, virtues – respect, dignity, purpose of character?
Where did all those things go?
Aren’t our children being taught these things anymore?
Is the world REALLY a cold, uncaring, selfish and narcissistic place after all? Hm?
My heart is torn in two for these poor children.
Why is it that the children are the ones who always suffer the most? How we speak to our children and treat our children and the example we must become for them in all the right and good ways, the instruction we give them along the way, makes all the difference in the world later on in their lives. What we do NOW will make them how they are later.
I pray for these children.
This is inexcusable, that nobody saved these children short of this. Especially since he had already shown a propensity for violence towards his children. I am so sorry for the mother. Should of, could of…and now it’s too late for them. I pray she will find healing along the way.
It’s this kind of shocking demoralization and lack of respect for life that is deadening the world.
Rest in Peace Beautiful Children…
I know you have lots of playmates in Heaven…
Your lives have touched mine. Always.
EDIT: They always say that they can’t ‘legislate morality’,
however, perhaps now would be a good time to start.
Dupey
Dupey, I agree that “something” needs to be done, and that it’s long past due. Who would spearhead such a monumental effort? How many people would actually involve themselves in this effort? If people are unable, or unwilling, to “get it” about sociopathy and its ramifications, how do we “re-educate” them that the “bad people” out there are walking right next to them in a grocery store?
And, that your grandchild was murdered causes me such intense grief for you and your loss – for the loss of all of these people who didn’t deserve to have their lives ended at the hands of another human being.
UGH…..will it ever end?!
When my Grandson was murdered, I did the only logical thing that there was to do. I spearheaded a Statewide campaign to incorporate an ‘awareness’ program in our entire school system. It taught children from the ages of kindergarten through high school how to protect themselves and to stay safe.
I saw the sensationalism around my Grandson’s murder on every television screen I looked at, at the time. The first thought that came to my mind: “Oh my God: there are probably thousands of children, sitting at home, watching this on television!”
I couldn’t let the children see that the ‘bad guy’ was out there and grown ups doing nothing about it. So, I stepped up to the plate and tried to ensure that everyone’s children saw the opposite side of the coin. I felt if the papers and media wanted sensationalism, I gave them some, only from the other side of the coin. I used THEM to get a message across and it worked.
My program was accepted through the Statewide PTA and I have given many speeches to them on the whole, over HOW TO KEEP YOUR CHILDREN SAFE. It is now incorporated into the curriculum for all the children in the state. Proof that you CAN come back out of the storm and do something bigger and larger than what has been thrown on you!
Yes, something, absolutely needs to be done to protect our children and that starts at home and in school.
Who would spearhead such a monumental effort?
Each of us, collectively, in our own unique way.
Touching just one child’s life could mean survival for that child. It takes a whole village to raise a child, not just parents.
Thanks Truthspeak for your condolences.
The world can be a very harsh place for a child.
Sometimes they make it, sometimes they don’t.
I die, just a little bit, when I hear of children like this.
“ONE CHILD IS TOO MANY”
Dupey
Dupey, I cannot imagine this type of loss – I can’t. It is so incomprehensible to me that I can’t really describe how this type of loss makes me feel.
It is my most fervent hope that, once I have begun a true and developed recovery, I’ll have the ability to take some sort of “action” to bring awareness to agencies and governements, and to advocate for the voiceless, as well as the adult victims of sociopathy.
Right now, I’m in a state of crisis (other post), and I am not managing my triggers well, this morning, at all.
Hugs to you and my most sincere blessings…
Truthspeak: Sorry your ‘triggers’ are flipping this morning.
I have mornings like that too. I found that making myself busy and getting away from the thoughts helps me a lot.
Like chores or doing dishes…just simple things.
I have absolutely NO DOUBT that you will definitely step up when ever you have the opportunity and that is what it takes. Each of us has a voice if we only realize we need to use it. We can’t sit back and wait for someone else to do it because what if nobody else ever does?
CHANGE STARTS WITH ME.
I will light a candle and pray for you today, Truthspeak.
I want you to find peace on this day and I am absolutely sure you will.
Look for it, it’s there. Trust me.
My heart and wishes are with you.
You are strong enough to get through this.
I can hear your strength.
Love to you, My Friend ~ Dupey
For Amara, Sophie and Cecilia:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9Nh84lfvW0
Dupey
It is so frustrating to see such ignorance with the “professionals”. The lack of willingness to be educated. I just had a conversation with my own therapist, who has her Phd in psychology, has never heard of Robert Hare. She has other information on psychopathy and I wonder does she really have a clue to the true traits and how well they are hidden until a relationship with a “P” reveals what is under the mask…She too, is not willing to read more material when I bring the books to her…I find myself reading to her in our sessions…(i wonder if she is in observation mode then??) Kudos to those of you who keep pressing on to educate the ignorant and those who look at you like you are the crazy one..that is how they look at me anyway…In time, i hope to find a more articulate and simple way to express and deliver the truth.
This part: “I wonder if the mother had been told by those around her and family court officers that she should not interfere with the father’s access to the girls? or that she should be careful not to say anything derogatory about him??
Yes. Yes. And yes.
Without doubt I’m sure that was going on, if not from others, but likely in the mental space of the mother herself who couldn’t help but doubt. Nothing else makes sense when you don’t know about sociopaths/psychopaths. Nothing else makes sense. The cognitive dissonance of it all forces us to think that we somehow need to adjust our behavior to help fix the problem.
Depressed people don’t murder their children and then tuck them into bed and send a message to the wife to let her know that she children were dead (I mean seriously depressed people are usually hard-pressed to find the motivation to get out of bed and make a sandwich let alone pull of a malicious murder).
Sociopaths and Psychopaths do shit like that. Period.
I took my children and successfully hid them for over 14 years. Court proceedings took ten years but finally appeals the supreme court failed to restore access. I was prepared to take a leaky boat to anywhere to avoid court ordered access and I would have. However it destroys many parts of your life, career friends, community. You cannot be bothered to begin again in case you need to leave in a hurry. Finally he died, then when they could handle this information the children got access to his full medical and psychological reports. Finally in their twenties and thirties they understood the full picture and no longer blame me for preventing a relationship with their father. Finally they have admitted to forms of abuse which they had always previously denied. One of the children was harmed by him previously yet still I had to give him day time access. I avoided overnight access. I stuck out the day time access once a week for one year in a state of terror for their lives before I took to the hills. There was so much evidence of psychopathic traits yet access was still granted. I have such strong empathy that when I hear of a case like this I am depressed for weeks. It could so easily have been my life.