How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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It has been interesting to listen to the pundits trying to explain why someone would declare war on those in a theater and open fire. One said, “most of the time these acts are not committed by sociopaths” and asserted that most of the shooters are “depressed.” Many other pundits have said the shooter is obviously without conscience and have described him as “a psychopath.”

I bring up these issues because of another story that received very little coverage because it was eclipsed by the horrific events in Colorado. Today I would like to honor the memory of Amara, Sophie and Cecilia, three little ones whose only crime was having a monster as a father.

Amara, Sophie and Cecilia

Amara, Sophie and Cecilia

Since this story has not received much coverage, and there is very little information available about how the father functioned and his personality style, I cannot tell you his score on the psychopathy test. We do know that his ex-wife, the girls’ mother, did have concerns about his mental state and behavior and that he had previously harmed one of the girls. The divorce was final only 6 months ago.

According to news reports, father phoned mother asking to see the girls, she consented. The girls were at home with a babysitter who said that when father got there the girls rushed to greet him and showed excitement to see him. That was the last time she saw them alive.

After receiving the warm loving greeting the father reportedly slit their throats, tucked them in bed and sent the mother a text telling her that she could come home because the girls were dead.

The father’s lawyer said father was depressed and had been treated for depression. Perhaps he and the Colorado shooter had the same psychiatrist, or perhaps these psychiatrists were from the same training program as that pundit?

I have been studying the accounts of adults whose parents score high on the Hare psychopathy test. The majority say that although they might have suspected their parent was deviant they still tried to solicit love from that parent. Obviously a child’s exuberance should not be used as an indication that there is a healthy parent child relationship.

I wonder if the mother had been told by those around her and family court officers that she should not interfere with the father’s access to the girls? or that she should be careful not to say anything derogatory about him? If the custodial parent is not allowed to look after the safety of the children then tragedies like this will continue to happen because I know from firsthand experience that many family court judges do not care. The system accepts the deaths and abuse of children as collateral damage in their battle to support the sick ideology that every child is better off with a relationship with both their parents. They are unable to identify these abusers.

Links to accounts of the story:

http://www.grandforksherald.com/event/article/id/241523/group/homepage/
http://www.thenorthwestern.com/viewart/20120725/OSH0101/307250166/Aaron-Schaffhausen-stand-trial-death-three-daughters-Two-Rivers-Wisconsin

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. panther

    Denise Guiney good job! That’s HARD to do, with the tangle of the court systems and then the willpower you need to have as a newly single woman with children. My closest friend had nearly the opposite happen, unfortunately. Her mother is somewhere between a narc and a spath and she had her daughter (my friend) convinced all her life that her father was a sociopath. YEARS later, she got in contact with her father and went to live with him for some time. She got into therapy because her mother was driving her bonkers and suddenly it became clear what had really happened. She was swept away with the disordered parent and cut off from the normal one all her life. It’s really sad, because she never got to know her father and all her life, part of her identity was this thinking that she had a sociopath for a father. Turns out, he’s a total sweetie and nothing at all like her mother painted him to be.

    My mom finally understands after many years of trying to keep a relationship open between my father and I (she felt guilty if she denied him his parental rights and she always was verrry pushy trying to make me see him when I wanted nothing to do with him) that being the sperm donor does NOT entitle him to abuse me and her (even though she has been divorced from him for over 25 years). I wish my mother would have had the self-confidence to see what he really was and kept me away from him completely my whole life since birth. Knowing him did absolutely zero good for my development, quite the opposite. So I really take my hat off to you. GOOD JOB! That’s not easy and I’m glad your children understand too.

  2. sunshinehair

    Hey yawll, I’m new to the community, duped by a sociopath, and just recently realized many people in my life as sociopath… so am continuing to learn and research this topic. I’m wondering, since it seems pretty easy to test someone to see if they are indeed a sociopath, why can’t we have them labeled, so we, as a society can watch out for them? Maybe we could force them all to get a big red P tattoo on their foreheads? The ones in my life do not have a record, they only prey on hearts and lives, but the damage is extensive.

  3. Ox Drover

    Dear Sunshine,

    I wish it were that “easy” to test people for psychoathy, LOL and I agree, put a big red P on their foreheads! LOL

    Welcome, and sorry you have the credentials to join our group, but if you do this is a good one. Welcome. and God bless.

  4. Speaking_Up

    I did not hear of this incident although I try to keep up with U.S. news about sociopaths as much as I can. I remember my mother not allowing my Ppath father to see myself or my brother but she did this only because of her own spathy – out of spite to him. When it suited her she had no problems turning my young brother and self over to his care and custody for weekends or two week breaks.

    It is such a shame that the courts do not appoint a lawyer for children in child custody cases immediately. Someone has to look out for the children and so far we are a long way from giving them our protection. He said/she said is a bunch of junk that does not serve a child/ren at all. An objective person needs to take over if things don’t smell right in a custody case.

    I’m praying for those precious babes…and the mom.

    Cherylann

  5. Truthspeak

    Sunshinehair, there is no “test” in existence that can clearly and accurately identify a sociopath. It is only through long-term exposure to their choices and behaviors that can categorize them as “fitting the profile” of a sociopath.

    As far as labeling, cataloging, or identifying sociopaths for the general public, it’s not against the Law to make bad choices and decisions that adversely affect other human beings. Sad, but true. And, most often, spaths “win” in the Court systems.

    So, the personal and collective endeavor should be to raise awareness, educate the public that these people DO exist, and to redefine the parameters, clinical definitions, and legal systems to address the carnages of sociopathic entanglements.

    Brightest blessings

  6. Truthspeak

    SpeakingUp, there are court-appointed advocates for children, but it must be requested. They are “guardians ad litem,” and they typically are either family members (ALWAYS a bad idea) or an objective party such as a social worker or another attorney.

    The “reason” that a family member is a bad idea for guardian ad litem is that they are emotionally involved, sometimes on behalf of the spath. Social workers are entierly too overworked and underpaid to be a good choice. Attorneys can be helpful, but only within the parameters of their governing Laws.

    Brightest blessings

  8. blossom4th

    I couldn’t read any links to this story.The story was enough to make me SICK AT HEART!Imagine getting a txt like he sent the mother of those darling girls?!He can claim ANYTHING he wishes,he knows the difference between right and wrong!How BRUTAL & EVIL that this father chose to get back at the mother by taking the lives of these innocent little girls!!!

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