Editor’s note: The following article was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as “Imara.”
Woody Allen’s new movie Blue Jasmine, starring Cate Blanchet, showcases an amazing, Oscar worthy performance by her. She portrays a woman who had it all and then lost everything, including her sanity, after she catches her psychopathic husband cheating.
I loved the movie ”¦ identified with Jasmine on so many emotive experiences ”¦ and am very grateful to the powers that be that, in the aftermath, I do not walk in her shoes!!!!
The movie portrays the plush life of Jasmine and her very successful businessman husband. He is lavish in his gift giving, and in his lifestyle. His cheating is clearly not on Jasmine’s radar. When he finally wishes to discard her, Jasmine makes a decision that is typical of a woman scorned in love. She wants revenge. And gets it.
With that, however, she unravels her life ”¦
Story of my life
The movie was triggering for me. I lived a lush, comfortable life with my ex, who was a senior vice president in a large, multinational technology company. He used me for a front, for respectability and for sex. He was a largely absent dad to my two children.
There were red flags for sure, but then hindsight is always 20/20, and his abuse was very covert. His flagrant affair with his secretary in another country, on another continent, in a different culture, from a different generation, opened my eyes. To this day I do not know if he had cheated before. It was MY lack of awareness, and MY issues of needing to make it work, that allowed us to be married for 28 years. That learning about me has been my journey.
Like Jasmine, when I ended my marriage, I lost everything: my home, my lifestyle, my employment, my children, everything. Unlike Jasmine, I was not socially isolated, and found great support in the people I have collected in my life, both family and friends. That is the ONLY reason I do not walk in Jasmine’s shoes.
My truth
And oh yes ”¦ my absolute belief that I needed to stick to my truth and to righteousness. Unlike Jasmine, the more I was exposed to my ex’s lies, the more truthful and transparent I chose to be. That decision has saved me more times than I can count. Her inability to stick to her truth, and her desire to be different, were Jasmine’s undoing. She became less of who she really is.
To all Lovefraud readers, I wish to say please be careful if you see this movie. It is hurtful and triggering of trauma experienced by so many of us!!!!
It is certainly a well-done movie, and Blanchet will hopefully get her Oscar for her role. For those who choose to see it, take Jasmine’s life as a lesson on how NOT to be.
Imara
Blue Jasmine, on NYTimes.com.
Donna Andersen
Imara – I haven’t seen the film, but the Vanity Fair review called the movie “cruel.” Could it be that the movie is real – but about a reality most people don’t know about, which is the aftermath of a sociopath?
http://www.vanityfair.com/online/daily/2013/07/movie-review-blue-jasmine-woody-allen
Imara
Donna, This critic is truly clueless about the realities of the aftermath of interpersonal exploitation. He/She has written the review based more on Jasmine’s fall from financial grace and her inability to interact with her blue collar sister’s life effectively, than on the reality that Jasmine is a terribly hurt human being. Life is cruel to Jasmine…
The critic calls Jasmine “blind and delusional”, says she is an
“alcoholic and mentally ill”…. The reality for me as I saw and experienced it was that Jasmine was bleeding in the aftermath and was doing the best she could given her life experience.
Nowhere does this critic mention Jasmine’s husband who duped her and others she loved, in so many ways…or the emotional and mental health cost she has paid for loving a lying cheating thieving scoundrel.
The only part of the review that I agreed with was
” Blanchet’s performance is like watching a gorgeous vase will itself to keep from shattering as it falls floorward.”
That sentence itself kind of tells all!!!!
Donna Andersen
Thanks for the review of the review. It sounds like the reviewer was another clueless person passing judgment.
Imara
Well Donna, to the critic, Jasmine’s story is a post financial crash fable…..
To me it was the story of a life in the aftermath….in more ways than one, we have all walked in Jasmine’s shoes…no class barred….
freeenuf4me
My wealthy, post divorced friend and I unwittingly saw Blue Jasmine over the weekend, and were it not for the performance of Blanchet, I would have demanded my money back based on entertainment fraud. Having been married some 20 plus years to a sociopath/businessman that I share 3 children with, I can appreciate the difficulties faced by a fall from grace and subsequent thrust into the aftermath of financial ruin. What I felt was truly disheartening, was the moment she decided to leave, based NOT on the awareness of business fraud, but on the confession of infidelity of her spath and HIS decision seek his next target. I would have cheered this movie, had the actress been able to champion a strong woman inside and all her many assets.. instead of drowning in a bottle of vodka and dissing the help from her sister.
flicka
From all the comments I’ve read, it seems that Woody Allen is championing the cause of the psychopath; is he a sociopath himself or just another person who just “doesn’t get it”? Or is he simply chosing to see the very worst which can ultimately happen to a victim?
For us survivors, it is the moral redemption of the victim which is the ultimate winner in his/her relationship which counts rather than the financial, emotional consequences. There is a great “peace of mind” which results from “finding one’s own self” and being able to hold one’s moral head high in the face of economical reality.
Imara
Flicka, in my opinion the worst that can happen to a victim of targeted harm perpetrated by a psychopath is that they choose to die. Either in actuality or in spirit. To “find one’s own self” is a long process that involves great financial cost to a victim. Depending on the amount of damage done that is a difficult mountain to climb!!!! My read of the character of Jasmine was that this talented woman was systematically worn down and destroyed.
She had her own vulnerabilities she brought to the relationship (she was adopted and lonely….had not finished her education.. did not have a degree to fall back on)and those became her Achilles heel.
Freeenuf,I too wish that Jasmine had taken to healthier ways of coping….sadly addictions to prescription drugs and alcohol are just too common ways of dealing with great emotional pain…that is why sites like LF are so very precious. When you know better you can do better.
flicka
So true Imara!I know only too well the courage it takes to surmount this devastating relationship and Lovefraud and Donna Anderson have given hope, knowledge and compassion to many of us who need it from time to time. I am most grateful!
Redwald
In that old classic of Transactional Analysis, I’m OK—You’re OK, Thomas A. Harris recounted this little gem of an anecdote:
While the littlest boy’s cookie was certainly damaged, it was far from being “all” broke. Until he got his hands on it, that is. That much was his own doing, and he only had himself to blame for it.
flicka
Cute story but I find it quite unrelatable.What this little four year old experienced was simply a learning process and one that most children hopefully go through at some timein their youth. This is very different from the devastation caused by a psychotic in adult life. The total destruction of an adult human being can often take unbelievable amounts of courage, determination, intelligence and wisdom to overcome. When faced with the emotional loss of a lifelong marriage,one’s only friends and family, together with an unbelievably unjust judicial system, some understandably do succumb. The victim often feels totally unloved, betrayed and worthless. The obvious solution is to pck up the pieces, hold one’s head high and work hard to start all over again. But with advanced age and possible infirmities,that option becomes ever more elusive. This situation is far different from a child’s temporary, frustrated tantrum. But thank you for the story.
cherith10
The thing that irked me most about Blue Jasmine was that her sociopathic husband commits suicide in prison. This provided a neat theatrical exit for Jasmine’s husband, but seemed totally out of character. It seemed that a sociopath would be protected from despair by air-tight rationalizations, denial, and an undying expectation of a miraculous rescue? An abrupt ending seemed all to simple! It’s really not that easy to break free of a sociopath. Extracting yourself from a relationship can be like struggling in quick sand. It is why Love Fraud is so needed.
flicka
In most cases, I would agree but then there are the opposite examples such as the recent Castro suicide in Mass.
cherith10
Flicka, I was going to add that as a p.s. After years of atrocities and his massive denials and justifications, you would have thought he was immune to suicide. I guess “life in prison plus 1,000 years” got to him.