In Shakespeare’s Othello, perhaps the most unwatchable/watchable play there is, Othello murders his wife Desdemona believing as he does that she has cheated on him with Casio. It’s an awful business; for one thing, she’s entirely innocent. How does it come about that noble Othello’s moral vision is so entirely clouded that he commits this heinous act?
Well, he needed some help in breaking that terrible taboo. The help comes from Iago who subtly poisons Othello’s mind. Two questions emerge: How does Iago do it and why? Let’s start with the second question first.
Why does Iago destroy Othello (and Desdemona too, let’s not forget)?
This question has puzzled scholars through the ages. Iago has been passed over for promotion: is that the motive? Iago is a racist and Othello is a dark Moor? Is that it? Perhaps Iago is unconsciously attracted to Desdemona? Alternatively, there is a rumour that Othello slept with Iago’s wife, Emelia (at least Iago claims there is such a rumour):
I hate the Moor,
And it is thought abroad that ‘twixt my sheets
He’s done my office. I know not if’t be true
But I, for mere suspicion in that kind
Will do as if for surety.
(I.3.380-84)
In other words, any excuse will do. Iago intends to destroy Othello – reasons can come later. Now who behaves like this if not the psychopath? They say that the dingo – an Australian wild dog – must kill every day, whether it is hungry or not. The psychopath must destroy – reasons are superfluous when there is the drive to do evil (title of Liane Leedom’s forthcoming book).
How does Iago destroy Othello’s moral mind?
He does this first through a campaign of misleading and then by a perfect paramoralism.
The campaign
Iago works on Othello to make him suspicious of Desdemona and Cassio. Desdemona drops a handkerchief that was Othello’s first gift to her, and Emilia obtains this for Iago, who has asked her to steal it, having decided to plant it in Cassio’s lodgings as evidence of Cassio and Desdemona’s affair. Emilia is unaware of what Iago plans to do with the handkerchief. After he has planted the handkerchief, Iago tells Othello to hide, and goads Cassio on to talk about his affair with his mistress Bianca, but since Bianca’s name is not mentioned Othello thinks that Cassio refers to Desdemona.
The paramoralism
A paramoralism is a statement which, under the guise of moral speech, serves to undemine the moral thinking of the other person. Iago’s is a single, perfect word: ‘Lie–‘.
OTHELLO
Hath he said any thing?IAGO
He hath, my lord; but be you well assured,
No more than he’ll unswear.OTHELLO
What hath he said?IAGO
‘Faith, that he did–I know not what he did.OTHELLO
What? what?IAGO
Lie–
It is the merest suggestion – Othello’s mind does the rest.
OTHELLO
With her?IAGO
With her, on her; what you will.OTHELLO
Lie with her! lie on her! We say lie on her, when
they belie her. Lie with her! that’s fulsome.
–Handkerchief–confessions–handkerchief!–To
confess, and be hanged for his labour;–first, to be
hanged, and then to confess.–I tremble at it.
Nature would not invest herself in such shadowing
passion without some instruction. It is not words
that shake me thus. Pish! Noses, ears, and lips.
–Is’t possible?–Confess–handkerchief!–O devil!–Falls in a trance
Passive aggression is still aggression
Readers have written movingly and bravely about some of the gross, overt abuse and neglect of psychopaths. Do you have an account of this kind of more subtle, roundabout means by which the psychopath gets another to do his destructive bidding?
I think passive violence can be as much devastating as physical violence. Sociopaths can act and say things that can be as painful as a punch in the face. My ex is a compulsive buyer and this drove him to a financial mess. I was warning him about his spending habits and he use to call me “the cheap lady”. When he started asking me for money to pay his debts and I refused, he started doing his passive violence. I remember one episode when he decided to punish me with a cold Christmas. He was ignoring us (me and my daughters) during the all Christmas. Around dinner time he decided to go out and made me and my daughters wait for him for almost three hours for dinner. When he returned home and I confronted him he coldly told me that he had his financial problems and was not in a mood to enjoy dinners with me and my daughters, and that he went out to have fresh air and to look for some friends to help him to go through that hard moment of his life, because I refused to do so. After dinner I gave him his gift… he looked sarcastically to me, received the gift and said nothing not even a thank you… left and went to sleep. I was crying like crazy. That behaviour hit me more than a rock in the face. It was the saddest Christmas of my life.
notquitebroken – Boy, that’s pretty darn sophisticated! To influence someone to be “a very willing victim AND perpetrator at the same time” takes some doing. Iago would be jealous.
alohatraveller – I extract this bit because it deserves highlighting: “Anytime we are trying to fix someone else, we are off track. I just work on me now. If I see someone other than me that needs work” I feel TIRED.”
pitanga – That’s pretty bad. Somehow making others feel small makes them feel big: even though the big money problem is still there, I turn things so that I feel good.
Pitanga. I had the Christmas before last ruined by my ex. He said he was coming over for dinner. I bought dinner, presents and really went to town to make it all nice, then, on Christmas Eve, he said he had to work Christmas Day and couldnt make it. I ended up taking the presents back on Christmas Eve. They know how to scupper the ‘special days’. Im rid of him now and dont have to waste any more energy trying to work out what was up to.
When I parted from him, physically I felt so raw and sore, I looked like I had been in a boxing ring. My health was poor and I couldnt even have the osteopath touch me, I said I felt like I had been stabbed all over. All though he never laid a finger on me, he gave me plenty of mental and emotional abuse. I still feel angry with him for keeping secret the fact that he had a personality disorder. He said he had difficulty in keeping girlfriends – now I know why!
alohatraveller – I so relate to your “tired” feeling – in relation to others who need work. I said so many times, I felt so worn out trying to date my S. It took so much mental energy to figure out what was being done/said and trying to interpret it all each day. I have been away from my S for close to a month now – but it has affected my health and mental health enough that I come home from work and just sleep or watch tv and I think it is a period of hibernation to lick my wounds. I have a stress test on my heart Monday – I ended up having chest pains constantly in the end.. and I dont know if its Him or if its really something wrong but I have a feeling its 2 years of being TIRED and worn to a pulp emotionally by his wordy games.
beverly, findingmyselfagain, alohatraveller – You all talk about physical consequences of being around and entwined in this bad stuff for so long. It would be interesting to know more about this. I’ll raise the issue in a forthcoming post and see what there is to learn about it. thanks.
yes i felt physically sick for sometime after, i lost a lot of weight didnt enjoy food at all much. he on the other hand was out the very night he moved out, with his mate. i did not feel like going anywhere for some weeks at least . also i saw a phone bill of his and he was calling friends girls most of them the very next days after he left and probably before that too. like he was rounding up the troops to see who was next. spoiling special days: we always called each other for our birthdays even since we broke up, but this last birthday i didnt hear a thing, it was new years eve, my birthday, so when i didnt hear from him i called to say happy new year. and i said you couldnt call me for my birthday? he said he was busy, he was at a birthday party for the daughter of a woman he was obsessed with and trying to be with, she rejected him and is pregnant to another man by the way, but he went to the party and didnt even bother to call me to say happy birthday. very nice. i felt terrible and thought why did i bother to do it for him on his birthday. but i did feel good when i found out the other woman had rejected him and was pregnant to another man wha t a blow for my ex. karma! does anyone think karma comes back to the s paths sometimes i see little things that make me think it does.
Dr. Steve:
I would so much appreciate a forthcoming post about physical consequences or PTSD of an association with a Sociopath. Nearly 5 months hence, and past the “why” and figuring out the “puzzle” (identifying him as a sociopath and doing intensive investigation/research as to who he really is and what he has done), there is still a lot of emotional pain. I find myself in a high state of anxiety and barely functional, although typically I am high functioning. I cannot say I “loved” the sociopath more than any other man, but trusted him implicitly, and the deep sense of hurt and betrayal are sometimes overwhelming and debilitating. It affects one to the core of their being, causing one to question everything, including oneself. I also now have major trust issues (and so do my children). Thank you.
i thought of another one. not my dad but my x.
my x either had no dignity and no shame. an example of that would be when my x went into blockbuster and said that one video was “niggerific” to two total strangers.
meanwhile other people do have dignity and a sense of shame and embarrassment. frankly everyday i was not up to fighting him in public and telling him off for every abnormal thing that he said and did. when i did tell him or stand up to him he didn’t care anyway.
i don’t know how to explain how sometimes he would get me to do what he wanted. sometimes i would be desperate for advice and he would just give me the worst advice imaginable. i didn’t know any better because i was lost as it was. sometimes he would just order me around. it was intimidating for one thing but i also remember he would preach about loyalty and how i should listen to him and that his girl needs to stand by him and there was definitely a lot of that.