By Ox Drover
Recently on Lovefraud there have been several people who have talked about how their ex-significant others have been violent, and yet they still have strong feelings for these (mostly) men. The readers find it difficult to go “no contact” and refuse to listen to the pleas of these guys to get back with them.
Statistics show that more women are hurt or murdered at the time that they are breaking up with someone who has formerly been violent than at any other time. Breaking up with someone who is physically violent can be dangerous. Staying with someone who has proven they are physically dangerous and capable of violence is more dangerous.
Here are stories about an ex-cop Eddy Coello from New York who has been arrested after his wife was found strangled and dead. She was apparently not the only woman he hurt either.
Ex-NYPD cop Eddy Coello arraigned in wife Tina Adovasio’s murder, on CBSNews.com.
Not everyone who murders someone has been violent before the murder, but many times they have been. They have “worked up” to the murder, either with lesser violence or with posturing and threatening.
Murder is the ultimate form of control, the ultimate form of revenge. Sometimes it is planned well in advance, and sometimes it is an impulsive act—but whatever the situation, it is a final solution. Murder is something that can’t be made amends for. It is the end for the victim.
If you are associated with someone who is violent, get away from them. Stay away from them. Keep yourself and your children safe. Do whatever you must to to remain safe.
An excellent source of information on keeping safe is Dr. Sherry L. Meinberg’s book,Toxic Attention—Keeping Safe from Stalkers, Abusers and Intruders. Dr. Meinberg is personally acquainted with being abused and holds the record with the FBI for the number of years she was abused, beaten and stalked by her former husband, an extremely violent mental health patient. Whatever you do, however, don’t think for one moment, “It could never happen to me. S/he wouldn’t go that far.”