Yesterday a 19 y/o man named Robert Hawkins entered the Westroads Mall in Omaha, Nebraska with an AK-47 assault rifle and killed eight people before killing himself. News commentators have been discussing what happened and several are discussing the question of whether he was depressed and taking antidepressants. I think people feel better blaming antidepressant medication for these incidents because it is too frightening to accept that there are so many sociopaths (with the potential for violence) living among us.
Hawkins apparently had no arrest record prior to this event and was not known to be violent. At the time of the shooting he was living with the mother of a high school friend, Debora Maruca Kovac. He called her immediately before the shooting, saying he was, “sorry.” He also left a suicide note saying that he would now be “famous.” Ms. Kovac also said she took Hawkins into her home because, he “reminded me of a lost puppy that nobody wanted.” (Watch landlord describe phone call from shooter) Let this be a wake up call to those of us who have felt sorry for a suspected sociopath. Hind sight is always 20/20 when it comes to people who have the traits of sociopathy. Foresight is never as good.
Researchers have discovered that people with a lot of sociopathic traits fall into two groups. The first group are the “primary psychopaths.” Primary psychopaths are not neurotic, they are in fact immune to anxiety and depression. In his famous book, The Mask of Sanity, published in the 1940s, Dr. Hervey Cleckley described many people who were primary psychopaths.
In the 1980s, Dr. Robert Hare developed a widely used test called the PCL-R. He used Dr. Cleckley’s research to develop this test and his initial intent was to identify these primary psychopaths. The PCL-R has subsequently been used to assess thousands of people. Further research has identified a second group of psychopaths. These people have been called “neurotic,” and “secondary” psychopaths. Researchers who want to distinguish this group also call them sociopaths. This second group is much more common, than the first!
Neurotic or secondary psychopaths are more behaviorally impulsive and so are very prone to violence. This impulsivity also means they can’t control their emotions, so, different from primary psychopaths, these individuals experience a lot of negative emotions, anxiety, depression and anger. These emotions make others feel empathy for them.
Both primary and secondary psychopathy are caused by the human social dominance drive. In primary psychopathy this drive gives rise to a personality that has unshakable, high self esteem (grandiosity). Primary psychopaths perceive themselves as having status and ruthlessly pursue acquiring more status and defending the status they have. This is why they never admit fault and they are not able to experience shame.
Secondary psychopaths also have very strong dominance motivation. However, because they have poor impulse control, they have a hard time acquiring status and maintaining that unshakable grandiose view of themselves. When secondary psychopaths experience a status threat such as the loss of a job or love relationship, they are very likely to react violently; they also do not experience shame, but they do experience humiliation. While people who feel shame, submit and act remorsefully, people who feel humiliation blame everyone else and act aggressively.
Hawkins and his behavior fit the profile of a secondary psychopath. In the last two weeks, he reportedly lost his job and his girlfriend. Please understand that his desire to be “famous” reflects the abnormally high activity of his social dominance drive, as does his violent behavior. People who are not under the power of this drive shut down and feel shame/remorse when they have these setbacks.
The social dominance drive is behind all of man’s inhumanity to man. It is therefore very important that we learn as much as we can about it. Unfortunately there are very few researchers studying the role of dominance motives in human behavior. I know of only two in the United States. Furthermore, the role of dominance motivation in sociopathy/psychopathy is not acknowledged much. I hope to change that. I look forward to the day when news commentators stop talking about antidepressants as causing this behavior. It is only through acknowledgement and understanding of the dominance drive that we can begin to combat its effects.
I, too, am afraid that I will become so cold hearted as far as relationships are concerned, that I will never be able to let go and feel again. I know I will always have compassion, when there is truly a need, but as for giving of myself freely, I can’t see it happening. It’s the incredible hurt I feel, that I could give of myself, and it meant absolutely nothing, other than to make me a target. To see something other than love in the eyes of the one who is the father of my children and knowing that he wanted to be mothered, rather than “wifed”, makes a mockery out of what should have been the foundation for family.
We talk here and read other places how these people just can’t connect and feel real. I always assumed that was a given for all. We are in the Christmas season, and there are so many women who have boyfriends and husbands who let Christmas happen instead of helping make it happen. That, too, drains a woman. She becomes so exhausted doing both parts and when a grown up is taking but giving nothing and thinks just by showing up, they did all that was required, makes one glad to see the back of their head going out the door. I’ve been able to connect with total strangers standing in a check out line, than with someone who used my body to satisfy his lust. There has to be something misfiring in their minds, to cause them to do what they do.
I agree with you, Beverly, that it drains a person so much when you have to do it all. This friend of mine, is the same. He only reciprocated when he thought there was something in it for him, other wise he just quit, but he wants me to keep doing my part. I’ve tried to get him to see how he just quit, and he said he didn’t. His excuse is that he changed. I said into what? It was just a stupid game he played. It has left me so uncertain and questioning myself. I can’t keep going around and asking if I’m doing life right. What I did worked for my children, so if it doesn’t for me, I guess, oh well. I just don’t know how they can be so obtuse. They are oblivious to the obvious.
I guess I’m more sad than anything. It saddens me that someone could live a life, that is short enough as it is, and not really get into it or approach it with so much anger, they miss the true meaning of life, but in my case and probably the rest of us here, they are right and I’m wrong. Compromise isn’t in their vocabulary. It’s their way or no way. They have so much pride that it prevents them from admitting they just might be wrong. I’ve been told I’m too deep for the ones in my life. Maybe that’s the problem. They are intimidated by me instead of the other way around. I’ve been told, too, that it sounds like my husband has been jealous of me. That could be too. But unless the problem is brought out into the open, it can’t be dealt with. I’m all for laying it all on the table and doing all we can to clear the air. But I’m all alone in my approach.
I know that if I can’t be with the ones I want to be with, I won’t settle anymore. I don’t want any more pretense in my life. I want truth and if that means I’ll be alone, then so be it. My kids all went their way and I’m pretty much alone. I “why” it all to death and wonder where it all went awry. I think my husband wanted a wife for different reasons that I wanted a husband. The commitment phobe will quit, and if they do, it has to be because they have their own agenda.
I guess if no one else believes us, we believe each other. We describe each other’s pain, so it’s not something we imagined. We actually feel the same thing. Emptiness. Void of a return. Them wanting something, but giving us no idea what they want. And if we don’t comply, we get punished. Neglect, excluded, verbal, silence, abuse of any kind to let us know we did something wrong but we don’t know what. We can have conversations and they walk away and we wonder what just happened and what did we talk about because it was so disjointed. It’s been a confusing journey and shouldn’t have been. The joy left. No one to laugh with, and share our deepest thoughts and hurts, because they are the ones who hurt us but refuse to acknowledge it and will turn it around and say, but look what you did? I guess we’ve all traveled that path, and I know for me, I feel at times like a displaced person. Like, how did I get here and now what do I do? I have to recoup and am just not sure I know which way to go. I’m someone who wants to finish what I started and hate loose ends, and I end up being a loose end. Not befitting a proper ending.
FYI:
“What do you make of a 19 year old multiple killer who reminded his landlady of “a lost puppy that nobody wants“?
I interrupt my series of posts on pschopaths and lying to consider a perfect example in the news right now – the Omaha, Nebraska mall-killer Robert Hawkins….”
For me, it scares me at times to wonder who I’m interacting with and just what is behind the eyes. How well does one know anyone and just what they are capable of doing? I’ve watched many people go through the motions of living, but I have never, thank God, been around someone who hated other people and life to the extent this 19 year old did and the others who saw fit to end someone’s life. How sad, at that age, to have nothing to live for or hope for. And none of the people who died had done anything to him. Random acts of killing, just because. Makes me want to retreat from life. How do we know how someone will react if we reject their advances? So many take things personally and they want someone to pay for their misery. What evil lurks behind eyes that seem to know kindness and caring, but suddenly, the right something turns them into a maniac and no one saw it coming. We have to be so careful who gets our love and what they want to do with it. Love isn’t always love to those who have sick minds. That love will be turned into a torture chamber, but yet they will still call it love. I guess it’s safer to love at a distance.
apt/mgr.
Good point about “feeling sorry” for anyone in any relationship.
When I look back to the three or four times during my very bad experience with one sociopath, there were three or four times my “strong” self should have run.
I “felt sorry” for him – and for what I mistook as a serious lack of social ignorance or upbringing – after he profusely apologized.
Each time I did, though, I found myself more invested and mired in the relationship while at the same time losing more leverage in the relationship, I became more tolerant and less valued and, in the end, I was the one left holding the bag.
Coincidentally soon after that, I become friends socially with two women who matched many of the sociopathic markers. I noticed that one, who with her boyfriend pretty much lived off their friends, would cut them off immediately whenever they said “no” to her. She even told me her parents never told her no.
In both cases, I watched their behavior like I would watch a film without the soundtrack and deliberately chose not to feel sorry for them although one of them thrived on people’s sympathy. As a result, I didn’t invest myself, kept my balance and didn’t slide gradually down into being used, and easily extracted myself.
I handled the friendships so much differently than my relationship and suffered no damage as a result. I can see that in my case at least, feeling sorry for someone, was the crucial mistake.
Thank you for identifying that connection.
To eyesopened,
I always thought sympathy and empathy were just signs of compassion and understanding. I never, in all my waking hours, thought someone had ulterior motives for wanting someone to feel sorry for them.
The first time for me was when I was 19 and just shortly after I met the man who was to become my husband and he was 34. We weren’t engaged but were very close. He had to have hernia surgery. It was to be his second operation. Rather simple procedure, but I know anytime someone goes “under the knife”, can cause complications. But I had faith and confidence and thought he did too. Right before he was to go in he had this break down of sorts and was so distraught. I asked why and he said he just knew he was going to die during surgery. That freaked me out, because he was healthy and he did this before. There was no consoling him and when he came to, he broke down, so relieved to be alive. He had me already then, because I was distraught right along with him. That set the precedent over the course of our married life. It got extremely worse after the children were born. Every time he got a cold, he knew he had pneumonia. He had a back surgery and needed blood transfusions and this was before they started screening for HIV. Well when they started talking about that, every time after , when he got sick, he just knew he had AIDS. As I reflect over those years, I see the pattern now that I couldn’t then, but I had no idea a grown man would do this to a woman he was having a sexual relationship with. I was so naive on the traits of a man and had no one to ask. I just went blindly along.
It was many years after the fact, that I finally asked a pastor friend what his behavior might mean. He told me from his years of study, that my husband wanted a mother. That told me something weird happened in his past concerning his true feelings towards his mother and grandmother. I just know it was a weird ride. I still think something misfires when a man has sex for the first time. There is something weird going on in his mind and he projects that to the woman of the moment. The pastor friend said, as sick as it sounds, when my husband had sex with me, he was actually thinking of his mother. That very easily could be. All the sex, didn’t change a thing between us and actually only got worse. I exhausted myself trying to please this human being who couldn’t be pleased. I’m done. I refuse to feel sorry for another unless I know for sure there is a reason. I will give my children the sympathy they need, but they never messed with my head.
I’ve learned the hard way to distinguish between mother-lover and the two don’t belong in the same sentence. Sometimes we women have a tendency to mother, but it’s only because this man is a pouty-wouty man who is childish. Not child like. He whines, moans and groans to get attention. If you don’t pay attention, he becomes more angry and will go out and find someone who will feel sorry for him. They are so very immature. I never would have thought a man who was 15 years older than I, would act like this. He has made me feel like some decrepit old woman. So I refuse to do that again, and if a man, in any situation, comes to me for sympathy, I’ll offer it to some degree, but I’ve become very aloof. I’m not going to let another man or woman, take me to that place in their mind that is very dark and morose. I want positive reinforcement and I guess I’m on my own. It sure helps to share our plights.
My ex would call me nasty names during sex and this wasnt erotic talk, it was nasty stuff, which made me realise that deep down he hated women. The first time it happened, I am no prude, but I was quite shocked. All his sexual behaviour seemed to be cloned off porn sites he had seen. He needs women for love and affection but also hates them because they have the capacity to hurt him like his mother did. She abused him and also she did not defend him against the abuse of his father. He is acting out, but he is abusing in the same way his parents did, but the difference is that he has constructed a whole set of complicated thoughts and behaviours that lets him off the hook in his mind, without a thought for the poor partner.
I shudder as I wonder just what was going through my husbands mind during sex, for him to turn it off immediately and become the angry man again. It’s been such an upside down world, that I just can’t see myself trying it again. To know there are several different trains of thought going through their minds, causes me to retreat. I couldn’t keep up with it. I thought if a man had all the creature comforts, he should be satisfied.
As I reflect, I have to pause and absorb my surroundings to realize I’m no longer there. They can’t do this again. They might try, but I will not get lost in a man again. I married with the idea that he was my protector, mutual nurturer, etc. I tell my daughters that if they could have known the man I met, they would realize where I’m coming from. The man I met is the one he is with everyone but me and our children. He can laugh and joke with others, but not us. That’s what is so mind blowing and what blew my confidence. How could he go from being one person to being someone I was afraid of and how could he turn it on and off at will? I guess I’ll never know because he won’t talk about it. So I just go my merry way and he does,too. It’s safer that way.
Hawkins had been in the hands of psychiatry. Every school shooter to date has that history. Drugs change a personality drastically, making people do things they wouldn’t ordinarily do. The best site I have found is http://www.cchr.org that explains how and why that occurs.
Drugs change people. Psychiatric, street – they are all from the same kind of laboratories and they all cause chemical changes in a person’s body chemistry, creating antisocial behavior.
There are thousands of lawsuits against pharmaceutical companies right now for this very reason, and more and more psychiatrists are going to jail.
It is not to remove blame from sociopaths but to alert you to the primary cause. I would highly recommend checking out that site, and I will post my story on the main site as well.
After I recovered, I discovered what really happened early on to cause such behavior in my ex husband, and that was when I started to regain my sanity.
I find all the discussions on lovefraud.com interesting. I am still recovering from my own experience with a sociopath and
also because I have been studying the human mind and have always been fascinated with it.
I have been plagued by many questions about how a sociopath’s mind works, and by some of the same questions the posters have posted in the past on these blogs.
But, I have to say something about the last post posted by Espressogirl…many of the readers, and many people in your community and mine must take one kind of psychiatrict drug or medication. And MOST DO NOT become murderers or indulge in antisocial behavior…most do NOT harm others as a result of taking these medications.
You say every school shooter to date has been “in the hands of psychiatry.” The logic you use is alarming; you could also say that all the school shooters were bullied, all the school shooters had a mom and a dad, etc. But, it doesn’t show a causal effect of any kind.
You say that “drugs change people. Psychiatric, street- they are all from the same kind of laboratories and they all cause chemical changes in a person’s body chemistry, creating antisocial behavior.”
Not all drugs are created in the same laboratories, homemade methamphetamine laboratories are not the same
as government regulated laboratories.
I still have many questions about sociopathy and psychopathy…and, I truly do like how my friend described my ex – “he’s got missing parts.” I believe sociopathy is on a continuum…but, he had many of the traits described on this site: no conscience, very little empathy, impulse control problems, a grandiose manner, lying pathologically.
And, he refused to see mental health counselors or a psychiatrist…he hated medications. Or so he said anyhow.
So, what is the primary cause of sociopathy? It certainly is NOT the pharmaceutical companies, antidepressants, etc.
I believe it is a combination of things…mostly the fact that person was born with a lemon for a brain. I believe it is mostly inborn. Some things can exacerbate the problem, just like some things can minimize the affect of the problem, especially if dealt with at an early age.
Sometimes I get bogged down “how could he do that.” Some things may never be completely understood…the main thing I have to be concerned about now…is taking care of ME — and avoiding such people in the future…he IS the way IS…and, that is all there is to it…
Peace to all
The truth is, Hawkins and the other killers were in the hands of psychiatrists and had been treated with mind altering drugs.
Yes, it is difficult to stomach sometimes. Here is another site that explains more: http://www.newstarget.com/022330.html
There are also sociopaths who get off on being cruel and if you tried to change them they would injure or kill someone in order to be right, and to prove you wrong.
A whole different issue than school and mall gunmen.