By | March 14, 2007 4 Comments

It’s up to me!

Once upon a time I fell in love with a dream. Well, actually, I thought I fell in love with a man, but he turned out to be a sociopath, and my life became a nightmare. But that’s a whole other story about a whole other lifetime ago! (You can read about it in The Dandelion Spirit. A true life fairy tale of love, lies and letting go.)

Today, my life is far different and even better than before I met the sociopath, and it’s not because a man made my dreams come true! (Which is sort of what I was hoping and looking for when I met the sociopath.) My life is amazing because I am living my life to the fullest, working on making my own dreams come true and stepping with grace and dignity through each moment. Even on those days when I feel like I’m bumping into furniture or moving at a snail’s pace, I feel graceful. I feel alive. I breathe freely and know that this is my one and only life. And only I can live it to the fullest.

In the nightmare where I fell in love with the man of my dreams, I saw myself as an amazing, vibrant, incredible woman. I was loved. I was fulfilled. I lived life to the fullest, every day a painter’s palate of wondrous colour and design. Now in the beginning, I thought I could only have this amazing life if I had the man who said he would make my dreams true. I thought if he stood in front of me, he would shield me from the winds of life, and if he waved his magic wand, all the sweet nothings he whispered into my ears would magically become the stuff that dreams were made of. Alas, he was a mirage. Even though I tried for the longest time to make him real, to make the dream of him come true, I just couldn’t do it. Truth is, he was never capable of being anything other than who he was.

But one thing was true. The reflection of me I saw in his eyes, that was my reflection, that was me! I just couldn’t see it until I awoke to the wonder and joy of living my life free of fear. Breathing into each moment, I am fearlessly being myself. An amazing, vibrant, incredible woman capable of making her own dreams come true by passionately living every moment of every day.

In my reality today, my dreams are of my making. That man long ago (and all the other men before him) was never able to make my dreams come true because a dream is not like a fridge. You can’t just plug dreams in and expect them to start humming. Nor can you wave a magic wand and whisper empty incantations into the sunset on a wing and a prayer in the hopes it will all work out okay, somehow, somewhere.

To make a dream come true you need to work at it. Believe in it. Live it. You need to breathe it, smell it, be it. When I met the man of my dreams, I put my future in his hands, and waited with bated breath for what he would do to make it all come true.

That just wasn’t right! In giving in to him, I abdicated responsibility for my own life. I let go of my power and tried to plug into someone else’s battery.

Today, I use my I CREATE the life of my dreams formula to keep myself well and happy on the road of life. My CREATE formula is:

  • I am COMMITTED to turning up for me, paying attention, speaking my truth and staying unattached to the outcome.
  • I set REALISTIC and REACHABLE goals.
  • I ENABLE action through the creation of a clearly defined plan that supports my attainment of my goals.
  • I ACCEPT that I am responsible for me and my own life. When I take responsibility for everything I do, say and create, I act with integrity — what’s good for me is only good for me if no one else is harmed.
  • I TREAT myself with kindness and care, just as I treat my world.
  • I EVALUATE my progress and ELIMINATE those items that are not creating more of what I want in my life. Every day.

Ultimately, no man, no person, nor even an animal can determine my life. No one else can say what’s real or isn’t real for me. No one else can make my life happen. No one else can make me fail or succeed. No one else has the power to make my dreams come true, because, it’s up to me. And I’m worth it!

Posted in: M.L. Gallagher

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M.L. What an inspriational post! This is my first comment, but I have been reading for app a month now and have gained such insight and am so thankful for each of you who have made my road to recovery so much smoother. I agree with so many of your posts that I could have written them myself, but sometimes I do not know how to put my feelings into words. I have printed several (including this one) and re-read them often. It is almost as if you are reading my mind. After taking the “Are You A Target?” evaluation, I am horrified to learn I am the perfect victim. (my score was 32) I now believe the last 3 men in my life have fit the profile of a sociopath. Thanks again to everyone who makes this website so informative.

MLG- Such an inspiration to read your writing. You spell out clearly how to be resilient. Thanks

Hi 2good,

I just read about your courage – I really needed that today. You see, I am living life plugged into someone elses battery. I am in a relationship with a man who has changed who I am and what I am. I am really afraid because as sick as this sounds I still love him and I fight each day about whether I believe he is a sociopath.

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