Editor’s note: A Lovefraud reader whom we’ll call “Edna” sent along the following letter. She received it from her then husband’s mistress last summer. Edna reached out to the young woman once she located her number on his phone records. They shared their stories to help piece together the mystery of the man they were both dangerously entangled with. Names and some details have been changed for their protection. Read Part 1.
The final evening
It is so scary to even think back to the evening that led to my leaving Brandon and never looking back. The very last time I saw him I found tons of drugs in his apartment. It was a Friday evening in the middle of the summer. I went to my parents that Wednesday night to get some clothes and do some laundry. On Thursday he didn’t answer his phone from 7pm to like 10am Friday morning.
When I finally got hold of him he lied and said he was sleeping that whole time. For someone who does cocaine that is a long ass sleep. He never slept like that when I was around but I chose to believe him and we made plans to have dinner later that night. He told me that he would be out with investor friends during the day but I should drop my stuff off at his apartment (I had my own set of keys) and then meet up with him at the restaurant in his building for dinner.
So I went to the apartment that night as we planned. I couldn’t find my brush, which I knew where it was because I left it there that Wednesday night. So I open the drawer where all my stuff was stored and in that drawer was a condom wrapper with no sign of my clothes or brush. I tore his apartment apart like a wild animal and I went through his garbage like a homeless person. I found more condom wrappers, empty bottles of liquor, empty bags of cocaine, paper cups with purple lipstick on them, dozens of cigarette butts, everything and anything you can imagine. I didn’t find any actual used condoms because the freaking idiot knew how to hide the actual condoms but not the wrappers.
I was fuming, shaking, beyond livid. He knew I was coming there, so why leave all this stuff around for me to find? Was this another one of his manipulations/head games or was it that he could care less that I found out what he had been up to while I was gone? I couldn’t stand or walk, I was that upset. My pink razor blade and razors weren’t even in the shower. There was a third toothbrush hanging in the bathroom. All of my stuff magically was hidden, what a coincidence.
So any other normal situation I would have left, deleted him from my phone and never spoken to him again. But I wanted and deserved closure and the truth. I wanted to show him the concrete evidence this time. This time he would have NOTHING to say because he was caught with his pants down. I didn’t want to give him the chance in the future to beg me to believe his stupid stories. There was concrete evidence of what he is all about all over his apartment, what more did I need? He should have just had sex with her in front of me.
Long story short I went to dinner, I didn’t say a word to anyone including him. I just sat and observed the mess of my life. I didn’t have a drink and I didn’t eat. And I didn’t care what the four other shady random people at the table thought of me either because I knew I’d never see them again.
Would you believe the stupid jackass had a purple lipstick kiss mark on his neck? He wore it proudly like it was a tattoo. He obviously had sex with the girl sitting to the left of him at dinner. The girl sitting next to him had the exact shade of purple lipstick that was on his neck. She didn’t say a word to me and she got up and left right after she ate.
Mind you he kept trying to kiss me and hold my hand throughout dinner in front of her. He didn’t even notice that I wasn’t speaking to him because he didn’t care about anyone but himself. I think he was sitting back enjoying the scenario that he set up so perfectly. He was waiting for me to fight with the purple lipstick girl over him. He is genuinely not capable of having genuine feelings for anyone but himself. What a sick, sick individual who could enjoy harming someone as deeply as he emotionally harmed me. As long as he is ok and his ego and addictions are being fed that’s all that matters to him.
After dinner we went back to the apartment in silence. One the door shut behind him I screamed my head off at him as I pointed out all the evidence. He didn’t care; he smirked the whole time. Without any emotion he blamed his friend and the cleaning ladies for everything. Why would the cleaners hide my stuff when their job is to put everything neatly together? And why the heck would his friend come all the way from the beach to have sex with some random girl in his apartment? He never discussed the purple lipstick. Either way, whatever story he was going to make up I obviously wouldn’t believe it. I finally knew the truth of this deranged individual.
Cheating on you, cheating on me
The crazy ass fact of the matter (as I know it now) is that he was cheating on you (his wife) with me and he was cheating on me with”¦ the woman with the purplish lipstick as well as random prostitutes and God only knows who else (maybe the gay friend down the hall). Who has time and energy for all this deception? It’s all so sick and twisted.
After that hellish night he tried to lure me back in and fix things but there was nothing to fix because it was already shattered. The very last time I talked to him was the Sunday night following that horrible Friday evening with the girl with the purple lipstick. We were on the phone (which I shouldn’t even have let him talk to me) and I was just yelling at him and he had the audacity to text while I talking I could hear the clicks through his phone. And he hung up on me out of nowhere.
I KNEW someone must have arrived at his apartment. He lined up another relationship the moment I walked out of his life. I later found out that the woman in his apartment during our final break-up call was a local stripper/escort. This woman has since filed a restraining order against him as her life was turned upside by him as well.
Left the country
I was so upset after all that happened with him I went to Italy with some friends to clear my head for a few weeks. Soon after I got back from my trip, I was contacted by the local stripper (the one who he was texting with during our last conversation) at around 4 am. I don’t even know her. She said Brandon gave her my number and she wanted me to vouch for him. He told her that he was so good to me and she wanted to make sure that his story was true before she got serious with him. She said she made it a habit of reaching out to ex-girlfriends before committing to someone.
How could Brandon tell this girl that he was good to me? In his convoluted head, was our short time together what he considered to be a good relationship? I really don’t know what that was about but I wanted no part of it. He obviously thrives on all the drama and he sets up situations where he is hoping that multiple women will fight over him. I hung up on this girl.
When Brandon heard that I didn’t vouch for him I started getting threatening and harassing texts from him. I was harassed with vicious calls and texts from him for a few months. I felt so lost after that horrific experience that instead of trying to find a job in the fall after graduation I ended up moving away to stay with family in Australia for several months. I truly believe that if I hadn’t moved away for so long the harassing would never have ended. He had no choice but to leave me alone once I changed my number and moved across the world.
I have blocked out that part of my life and it has been hard to re-live it now through this letter. I have learned some valuable lessons though. It disgusts me that I was ever part of his life when he is so ugly inside and out.
Although this relationship was just a few months, it was so devastating at the same time. I was able to heal from this experience once I understood the truth. Nothing hurts more than a lying/ cheating/ manipulative man because it will drive you crazy and keep you stuck with so many unanswered questions.
You found me
I thank God that you (the wife) found me through his phone records and we were able to piece together the truth. I was horrified to learn that his drug use was not a new situation brought on by the stress of a divorce; it had been part of his life for a long time. I was horrified to learn that he spent a significant amount of time in federal prison for various crimes. And I was shocked to learn that not only were there no divorce papers ever filed during our relationship but he was also sleeping with you (the wife) during the time we were together. We were both having unprotected sex with him. Did he really care that little about not only my health but the health of his child’s mother?
I swear all of this was so traumatic and disgusting for me to deal with. I could have been raped from all the druggies that lurked around him. He could have filmed us having sex and put the video without my knowledge on one of the many amateur sites he frequents. Or worse, I could have contracted AIDS from him.
The truth allowed me to eventually move forward in my life. I knew I would finally figure him out one way or another. Now that I know the truth I feel as though I am one of the lucky ones who managed to get out so quickly.
To me it’s like I was basically living with a stranger, which scares me. I just hope you (the wife) don’t share this letter with Brandon because I am still scared of him and I don’t want him to contact me. I have a new life now and I fear he will try to destroy that.
In my early 20s, I was not equipped for all that I was exposed to in Brandon’s world. I was not equipped to fully protect myself from Brandon or the random people who came in and out of his life. I am so lucky I did not contract any sexually transmitted diseases (it’s a miracle really). I am so lucky I was not harmed from his reckless driving while under the influence. I am so lucky none of those sleazy men or women tried to touch me or put something in my drink. I am so lucky I never experienced the full effect of Brandon’s drug induced violent side (the harassing texts and threats were bad enough). I am lucky I was able to recover from such a traumatic situation by having the ability to hide away across the world.
I am so lucky to have learned some valuable lessons this early in life. I didn’t know men like Brandon existed, but I do now. I know now that sociopaths come in all shapes and sizes and they lurk in unexpected places. I may have some residual damage from my time spent with Brandon in the form of trust issues, but I am also a hell of a lot smarter now because of the experience. I believe that God put Brandon in my life as a wake-up call and I know I will never ignore the red flags again. I will always be thankful to have gotten out as quickly as I did.
Final note from Edna
I don’t recommend the route I went to find out the truth but I don’t regret that decision either because it was my only way out. Ironically I am very close friends with both mistresses as of today (the escort/stripper mentioned at the end of the story is also a very good friend now).
I urge Lovefraud readers with children who are contemplating leaving these men to photograph and video tape them in various abusive/illegal acts before leaving. I would have saved myself so much heartache and hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal bills if I were smart enough to collect the evidence I so desperately needed to tell my story before I left.
And another word of wisdom is to never deny wrong doing in court. I always said, “Yes your honor, this is what living with a personality disordered man looks like. I’m not proud of my behavior but this is what living with domestic violence and a man with every known addiction on a daily basis looks like.” Each and every time I responded by accepting responsibility for my behavior the judge just nodded as if she understood and it stopped the opposing lawyer dead in their tracks. The truth eventually sets us all free.
OMG – what a sleazeball. Thank you so much for sharing. I am glad that the young lady escaped – and was able to help Edna.
Edna, Thank you for sharing your story.
This is like being around two of them at once!
Mine was into pot the first time I was dating him. But, I made it clear on phone conversations that I would not be around drugs. On the phone, he would breathe really deeply and I thought he was smoking cigarettes….which I would prefer not being around, but not the same type of drug….legally anyway. I would smell a pot smell in his bathroom sometimes when I went over and I would tell him. He would say it leaked over from the apt next door. I believed it because I never smelled it in the rest of the apt, and I had told him I didn’t want to date anyone who was an alcoholic or drug addict (he was both), so back then, I couldn’t imagine that he would ENJOY hiding those very things from me so he could feel superior dating someone against what he was doing while he was doing it!
I actually broke up with him the first time over the typical spath and drug addict behaviors. I had a key to his place and took his stuff over to drop it off while he was supposed to be at work. Instead, his apt door was open and the smell of pot was wafting out. He had come home for some pot during lunch. When I walked in, he was putting visine in his eyes. I wish that was the last time I had ever seen him…
Wow. Great story. I’m sorry you went through this, but you are so much wiser, and helps you to weed out more losers! We cannot believe anything they say anymore, only put in a lot of time getting to know them, over time, NOT by what they say!