Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following from the Lovefraud reader who posts as NewLife43.
I not only read Lovefraud to help me with the backlash from my 8-year relationship with my spath. I also read an interesting blog written by and for sociopaths, answering some of their questions, presenting criteria about what makes a sociopath what s/he is. It’s very enlightening, particularly when I am sorely missing my ex-spath and need to remind myself why we are no longer together. Since it’s on the Internet, the spaths are surprisingly honest. Sometimes, the posts can be very chilling, when they are honestly posting about the way they think, causing a shiver to run down my spine that I escaped from such trauma. It helps me to have gratitude and a sense of good fortune I am no longer caught up in that mess. And I stop missing him, which was the whole point of reading the site.
An interesting question that came up on their board was: Do animals have a sense of morality?
This question was derived from one of the spaths reading an article that was printed in the British online publication, The Telegraph. That article was entitled, Animals can tell right from wrong.
One of the spath responses to the article was that of course, evolution played a HUGE part in our human abilities to be empathetic and moral, citing dolphins, great apes and even elephants as being altruistic and helpful to other members of their flock, pack, herd, etc. with no apparent gain to themselves. They can even be helpful to other species. (For instance, dolphins protecting humans from sharks). But of course, sociopaths missed the boat when it came to empathy.
Another of the respondents said that cats were probably psychopathic. I beg to differ and told them so. Here is my response to the sociopath article:
Over the years, I’ve had several cats. Currently, I have a two-year-old little guy, who I can honestly say is sociopathic, intent only on himself and what I can do for him. He derives great pleasure from me, but shows no emotion or feelings back to me unless it can benefit him in some way. Then he can charm the pants off me. He is a great troublemaker to boot and plagues everyone in the household (animals included) with his actions! Lots of fights are started by this little cat, while he walks away smirking. Very smart, easily bored, destroys household items for the fun of it and targets others. He doesn’t have an altruistic bone in his body. HMMM…sounds sociopathic to me! He gets thrown outside A LOT but never seems to learn from the consequences of his bad behavior. Sigh!
I have another cat, whom I’ve had for 18 years; she wants to know the rules and not only follows them to a “T” but expects all the other cats in the household to follow them also…or she will beat the “carp” out of them. Routines are to be observed at all costs. She has to be let in and out at certain times, food and water have to be fresh and put down on a certain schedule, etc. Although she is very reserved, she can also be very loving on rare occasions (funnily enough, to me only, I suppose as the main caregiver), but it is genuine, as she never wastes time with false emotions. She is honest through and through. Definitely OCD, though, don’t you think? Think “Monk” here.
Finally, I have a very sweet, loving black cat who is 13 years old. His sole purpose in life is to find a way to spend all his time with me. If I sit down, he is in my lap; going to bed, he not only wants to sleep with me but also has to be as close as he can, preferably touching my skin in some way. He always stops and thanks me for his food, before he dives in to eat. Follows me everywhere. And he is incredibly empathetic, always knowing when I am sad and offering comfort to the best of his ability. My friends marvel at this loyal little cat, who pesters them to go home at the end of the evening, so that we can go to bed together! Apparently, he can’t go to bed without me. One friend said he was worse than her husband! No other creature in the world has ever loved me like this, including my kids and two ex-husbands. And I don’t treat him any differently than my other cats, so I don’t know why I deserve so much love. Empath, borderline…I don’t know. I just know he loves me very much and shows it. And he was born that way.
So, no, not all cats are sociopaths. But from my experience, I would have to say, all have different personality disorders/traits, just like humans. Certainly completely different from each other. Since I treat them all the same, I have to conclude that they are the product of their genetics, i.e., they came to me that way, I didn’t make them the way they are. Just like the world is not environmentally responsible for creating sociopaths; you were all born that way, and there is nothing we “NORMALS” can do about it, except to stay as far away from you as possible, for our own sakes. Surely, you spaths can understand self-protection and putting ourselves ahead of you. For once. And if you lack the ability to understand that, well, as my ex-spath was so fond of saying to me, “I DON’T CARE!” 🙂
Newlife,
it sounds like we have similar personalities in that we like it when cute baby types demand our attention.
I absolutely love being a cat servant. pathetic, I know, but I DO! I admit it and I think that this is why I’m attracted to narcissistic men. They act so helpless and demanding. The drama over nothing, reminds me of a little kitten spitting and hissing and getting all fluffed up over a piece of string.
Unfortunately, the spaths are more like lions than kittens and equally dangerous.
Most of the spaths that I’ve known have preferred cats over dogs. They identify with the cat’s predatory and solitary nature, as well as the charming aspects of the cat. One spath, I knew, told me that I was more like a dog and he was more like a cat. He said this because he knew how loyal I was — and he wasn’t loyal at all.
I have had dozens of cats over the years, they were all rescue cats and we only had one that could was not totally healed by care, love, food and affection. She was a calico we found at the Tulsa Airport abandoned, needy and howling for help. She became the feral cat that liked to live indoors. She would come to be petted or stand on me but she never could relax with anyone. I would never even consider her to be spathy. She was just damaged and could not recover from the fear. We loved her anyway and she lived a long happy life. Her best friend was our parakeet. She loved to sleep by his cage but acted friendly, not like a predator at all.
Even the “vicious” one we took in came t o be the most docile loving cat of them all. He had a purr like a freight train and was adored. I never met a cat who was like a spath. Cats are honest and straight forward and when you are loved by a cat, you know you are really loved.
I guess a person who never loved a cat might not understand. I feel very honored to have loved and been loved by many cats. I even had a couple of special ones who were like soul mates. Of course they picked me, not the other way around and they gave me more than most people ever have.
My question is are cat lovers more prone to be sociopaths?
My x-spath liked cats but disliked dogs. N=1 but I found that curious. Many people like cats and dogs. Many people like dogs but do not like cats. Few like cats but don’t like dogs.
Mine didn’t like dogs either. He tolerated the cats. They hated him.
BBE, I don’t think that spaths are “lovers” of ANY animals – they just collect them like baseball cards because it makes them appear to be empathetic.
The exspath and I found an abandoned kitten in a very, very remote area that was swarming with every manner of natural predator – from coyote to eagles. We adopted this tiny thing and she was a delightful addition – up until the spath began to torment her because her irritability amused him. Often, I would mention this to him that he was making her irritable, and he would insist that he was “just playing” with her. Of course, he NEVER stopped tormenting this poor cat and she went from being a delightful and affectionate pet to a grumpy and aggressive piece of work. And, it wasn’t HER fault.
I’ve met MANY people who were high in spath traits that had pets and were even involved with animal rescue, etc. It could simply be that owning pets not only provides a cloak of normalcy, but also that the unconditional love and tolerance of pets fills some type of vacuum in the World Of Spath.
So, SEASON’S GREETINGS and brightest and most sincere blessings to everyoe
How about a little “Simon’s Cat” as a holiday greeting card to all my friends at LF?
I love Simon’s cat because it so perfectly captures the spirit of cat. They do seem narcissistic, but all the cats who have owned me have loved me, as no narcissist ever did. When I was a child, my siamese jumped out of a closet and tore my Dad’s arms and hands up, because he was tickeling me, mercilessly and she was protecting me. I was her kitten.
When a cat loves you, you are loved completely.
Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays to all.
http://www.simonscat.com/Films/Santa-Claws/
http://www.simonscat.com/Films/Fowl-Play/
kim:
OMG…I absolutely LOVE it!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much!!! I didn’t watch the second one yet, but the first one was classic!!!!! I was cracking up! Reminded me of my cat sooooo much.
I hadn’t joined in on this conversation before, but I have had cats all my life. First living on a farm and then one of my own. I had a gorgeous Himalyan with those gorgeous blue eyes for 18 years. She died on August 4, 2005 and I have never replaced her. At first, it was because I just couldn’t…I wasn’t ready. Then after I healed, so much time had gone by without one that I just got used to life without a cat. And with traveling as much as I do, it was better to not have one, but I do miss it. I LOVE cats!!!! Always have. I love the purring. My cat was SUPER loyal to me. She would meet me at the door everyday when I came home just like a dog! And believe this or not, she would NOT let anyone else go near her…seriously!! NO ONE could even pet her let alone pick her up…she would literally try to attack them! But she loved me…unconditionally and totally. When I would pick her up, she would actually hug me around my neck…it was so precious…I loved that cat so much…she was my baby since I didn’t have any kids.
Thanks so much for these videos and Merry Christmas to you, kim!!!
kim:
Hahahahahaha!!! I was cackeling so loud at the second one, too!! Thank you so much for this much needed laughter. I haven’t laughed like that in a long, long time.
Lol! Kim! I watched several of the films. So cute!