Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following from the Lovefraud reader who posts as NewLife43.
I not only read Lovefraud to help me with the backlash from my 8-year relationship with my spath. I also read an interesting blog written by and for sociopaths, answering some of their questions, presenting criteria about what makes a sociopath what s/he is. It’s very enlightening, particularly when I am sorely missing my ex-spath and need to remind myself why we are no longer together. Since it’s on the Internet, the spaths are surprisingly honest. Sometimes, the posts can be very chilling, when they are honestly posting about the way they think, causing a shiver to run down my spine that I escaped from such trauma. It helps me to have gratitude and a sense of good fortune I am no longer caught up in that mess. And I stop missing him, which was the whole point of reading the site.
An interesting question that came up on their board was: Do animals have a sense of morality?
This question was derived from one of the spaths reading an article that was printed in the British online publication, The Telegraph. That article was entitled, Animals can tell right from wrong.
One of the spath responses to the article was that of course, evolution played a HUGE part in our human abilities to be empathetic and moral, citing dolphins, great apes and even elephants as being altruistic and helpful to other members of their flock, pack, herd, etc. with no apparent gain to themselves. They can even be helpful to other species. (For instance, dolphins protecting humans from sharks). But of course, sociopaths missed the boat when it came to empathy.
Another of the respondents said that cats were probably psychopathic. I beg to differ and told them so. Here is my response to the sociopath article:
Over the years, I’ve had several cats. Currently, I have a two-year-old little guy, who I can honestly say is sociopathic, intent only on himself and what I can do for him. He derives great pleasure from me, but shows no emotion or feelings back to me unless it can benefit him in some way. Then he can charm the pants off me. He is a great troublemaker to boot and plagues everyone in the household (animals included) with his actions! Lots of fights are started by this little cat, while he walks away smirking. Very smart, easily bored, destroys household items for the fun of it and targets others. He doesn’t have an altruistic bone in his body. HMMM…sounds sociopathic to me! He gets thrown outside A LOT but never seems to learn from the consequences of his bad behavior. Sigh!
I have another cat, whom I’ve had for 18 years; she wants to know the rules and not only follows them to a “T” but expects all the other cats in the household to follow them also…or she will beat the “carp” out of them. Routines are to be observed at all costs. She has to be let in and out at certain times, food and water have to be fresh and put down on a certain schedule, etc. Although she is very reserved, she can also be very loving on rare occasions (funnily enough, to me only, I suppose as the main caregiver), but it is genuine, as she never wastes time with false emotions. She is honest through and through. Definitely OCD, though, don’t you think? Think “Monk” here.
Finally, I have a very sweet, loving black cat who is 13 years old. His sole purpose in life is to find a way to spend all his time with me. If I sit down, he is in my lap; going to bed, he not only wants to sleep with me but also has to be as close as he can, preferably touching my skin in some way. He always stops and thanks me for his food, before he dives in to eat. Follows me everywhere. And he is incredibly empathetic, always knowing when I am sad and offering comfort to the best of his ability. My friends marvel at this loyal little cat, who pesters them to go home at the end of the evening, so that we can go to bed together! Apparently, he can’t go to bed without me. One friend said he was worse than her husband! No other creature in the world has ever loved me like this, including my kids and two ex-husbands. And I don’t treat him any differently than my other cats, so I don’t know why I deserve so much love. Empath, borderline…I don’t know. I just know he loves me very much and shows it. And he was born that way.
So, no, not all cats are sociopaths. But from my experience, I would have to say, all have different personality disorders/traits, just like humans. Certainly completely different from each other. Since I treat them all the same, I have to conclude that they are the product of their genetics, i.e., they came to me that way, I didn’t make them the way they are. Just like the world is not environmentally responsible for creating sociopaths; you were all born that way, and there is nothing we “NORMALS” can do about it, except to stay as far away from you as possible, for our own sakes. Surely, you spaths can understand self-protection and putting ourselves ahead of you. For once. And if you lack the ability to understand that, well, as my ex-spath was so fond of saying to me, “I DON’T CARE!” 🙂
I did not read the article but I saw the title and had to respond. Having lived with cats for 20 years, I will say that they are more narcissists. Especially if they are Siamese. The more Siamese they have in their blood, the more demanding they are. 🙂
Interesting subject. I don’t think cats are sociopathic, because even when they hunt, they’re just out to get food and not enjoying the torture they inflict (I assume).
My ex Psychopath told me he cried for the first time when his dog died, and that he cried like a baby, even though he never cried when friends or family died. When I started suspecting things weren’t right with him, I found the most interesting article…it said,
“Psychopaths gravitate toward dogs since they are obedient and easy to manipulate. Ronson says he spoke with individuals who would qualify as psychopaths who told him they aren’t sad when they hear about people dying. “But they get really upset when their dogs die because dogs offer unconditional love.”
http://research.personality-testing.info/are-psychopaths-dog-people/
Anyway, as we well know, psychopaths inflict plenty of pain and torture on dogs and other animals. I forgot where I found this piece that follows, but it moved me because dogs are so unconditionally loving:
God summoned the beast from the field and He said:
“Behold man is created in My image, Therefore adore him. You shall protect him in the wilderness,
shepherd his flocks, and watch over his children, accompany him wherever he may go, even into civilization.
You shall be his companion, his ally, his slave.
To do these things, I endow you with the instincts uncommon to other beasts; faithfulness, devotion, and
understanding, surpassing those of man himself. Lest it impair your courage, you shall never foresee your death.
Lest it impair your loyalty, you shall be blind to the faults of man. Lest it impair your understanding you are denied the power of words. Speak to your master only with your mind and through your honest eyes.
Walk by his side, sleep in his doorway, ward off his enemies, carry his burden, share his affections, love, and comfort him. And in return for this, man will fulfill your needs and wants, which will be only food, shelter and affection.
So be silent and be a friend to man. Guide him through the perils along the way to this land I have promised him. This shall be your destiny and immortality.”
The dog listened and was content.
Peace and Happy holidays to everyone here
My cat Remy is definitely not sociopathic or narcissistic. He is a totally sweet mamas boy who loves to snuggle and cuddle and play with his brother the German Shepherd. I do think my girl’s cat is very sociopathic. She’s beautiful but can be quite mean and nasty. She’ll cuddle up to me and want me to pet her and she turns in an instant and slaps me with her paw. She’s scratched me a couple times doing it.
Arianna:
Very interesting article. I have always loved cats and have never been a dog person (yay, I guess I am not a spath…haha). I like dogs because I love all animals, but I prefer cats and have never personally owned a dog by myself. We always had a dog when I was growing up on the farm, but it was never “my” dog and plus, the dogs we had were always outside dogs due to the farm.
Louise, I am a dog person (there’s a fluffy one with a big red bow in her hair sleeping next to me right now), but I have no aptitude to be a psychopath due to my conscience, empathy and stuff like that. I also love cats. But I did find the article interesting because of my ex’s comments and this thread.
May all animals be safe from those without a conscience.
Arianna:
Awwww, nice to know you have your dog by your side.
Yeah, your ex’s comments and the meshing with that article is uncanny…wow.
I love Simon’s Cat!
I get comparing kitties to spaths. Generally. They are little predators, and animals- despite domestication. Spaths are animal-like too. Only worse.
I like kitties independence, and have always had cats (vs. a dog) because they are easier, to me, to care for. I love that they sleep so much, let me know just what they need, and can go out and poop on their own.
But I have never had a cat try to make a fool of me, blame me for everything, steal from me, criticize me, bad mouth me to others’, gaslight me, or betray me in any way.
Cats, even the worst ones, are MUCH better behaved than any narcissist or spath i’ve ever encountered. The cat is more civilized than the spath. Wow! Sad. But so true.
Great article! I agree with you totally.
I had two cats, unrelated to each other, 5 years apart from each other, a male and a female, and they couldn’t be more different in personality and temperament from each other. They were born that way.
Like you, I treated my cats the same, but they had different interests and styles of relating to people, really much the same as two different unrelated people do. The older female cat was really much more like a dog than like a cat. She even learned to do some tricks. The younger male cat was intelligent but not at all interested in learning tricks; he was more what I think of as “pure cat.”
Example: I made it consistently clear in a gentle but firm way that I did not want cats on the dining room table; that was a “no-no”. My girl cat learned to abide by that rule, but my boy cat never did accept it. All he learned was to be deceptive: he learned that he could jump up on the table when I wasn’t around, and jump off again when he heard me coming. His telltale tufts of hair would be left on the top of the table, so I knew he was still jumping up there. ((((sigh))))
Cats evolved as a species to be highly successful predators; so predator behaviors are appropriate for a cat. I think we perceive some of these same predator behaviors in psychopaths and sociopaths where it is highly inappropriate, because they direct these predatory behaviors at members of their own species; at us! Bad ‘spath!! Bad!!!
I’ve had a lot of cats, and everyone has had a different personality, and some have been incredibly empathetic.
When I was 14, and my 16 year old spath sister was beating the ^*$$# out of me, banging my head on the floor (I dared to complain about her borrowing my sweater), our cats came to my rescue and tried to pull us apart by pulling on our clothes. It was so unexpected, even my jerk sister had to laugh and stop beating me.
Growing up, the cats were the nicest “people” in the house. I’ve always respected animals for this, and can’t help thinking people who belittle animals are a bit spath themselves.
Babs said: “All he learned was to be deceptive: he learned that he could jump up on the table when I wasn’t around, and jump off again when he heard me coming. His telltale tufts of hair would be left on the top of the table, so I knew he was still jumping up there. ((((sigh))))”
Exactly what my spath did, all he learned was how to be deceptive and trick me. He didn’t change, he just changed how he performed the same evil deeds. But like your cat, he still got caught, over and over. He really wasn’t very good at being a manipulative conman, he wasn’t very good at anything, come to think of it! Didn’t stop him from trying though.