Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following from the Lovefraud reader who posts as NewLife43.
I not only read Lovefraud to help me with the backlash from my 8-year relationship with my spath. I also read an interesting blog written by and for sociopaths, answering some of their questions, presenting criteria about what makes a sociopath what s/he is. It’s very enlightening, particularly when I am sorely missing my ex-spath and need to remind myself why we are no longer together. Since it’s on the Internet, the spaths are surprisingly honest. Sometimes, the posts can be very chilling, when they are honestly posting about the way they think, causing a shiver to run down my spine that I escaped from such trauma. It helps me to have gratitude and a sense of good fortune I am no longer caught up in that mess. And I stop missing him, which was the whole point of reading the site.
An interesting question that came up on their board was: Do animals have a sense of morality?
This question was derived from one of the spaths reading an article that was printed in the British online publication, The Telegraph. That article was entitled, Animals can tell right from wrong.
One of the spath responses to the article was that of course, evolution played a HUGE part in our human abilities to be empathetic and moral, citing dolphins, great apes and even elephants as being altruistic and helpful to other members of their flock, pack, herd, etc. with no apparent gain to themselves. They can even be helpful to other species. (For instance, dolphins protecting humans from sharks). But of course, sociopaths missed the boat when it came to empathy.
Another of the respondents said that cats were probably psychopathic. I beg to differ and told them so. Here is my response to the sociopath article:
Over the years, I’ve had several cats. Currently, I have a two-year-old little guy, who I can honestly say is sociopathic, intent only on himself and what I can do for him. He derives great pleasure from me, but shows no emotion or feelings back to me unless it can benefit him in some way. Then he can charm the pants off me. He is a great troublemaker to boot and plagues everyone in the household (animals included) with his actions! Lots of fights are started by this little cat, while he walks away smirking. Very smart, easily bored, destroys household items for the fun of it and targets others. He doesn’t have an altruistic bone in his body. HMMM…sounds sociopathic to me! He gets thrown outside A LOT but never seems to learn from the consequences of his bad behavior. Sigh!
I have another cat, whom I’ve had for 18 years; she wants to know the rules and not only follows them to a “T” but expects all the other cats in the household to follow them also…or she will beat the “carp” out of them. Routines are to be observed at all costs. She has to be let in and out at certain times, food and water have to be fresh and put down on a certain schedule, etc. Although she is very reserved, she can also be very loving on rare occasions (funnily enough, to me only, I suppose as the main caregiver), but it is genuine, as she never wastes time with false emotions. She is honest through and through. Definitely OCD, though, don’t you think? Think “Monk” here.
Finally, I have a very sweet, loving black cat who is 13 years old. His sole purpose in life is to find a way to spend all his time with me. If I sit down, he is in my lap; going to bed, he not only wants to sleep with me but also has to be as close as he can, preferably touching my skin in some way. He always stops and thanks me for his food, before he dives in to eat. Follows me everywhere. And he is incredibly empathetic, always knowing when I am sad and offering comfort to the best of his ability. My friends marvel at this loyal little cat, who pesters them to go home at the end of the evening, so that we can go to bed together! Apparently, he can’t go to bed without me. One friend said he was worse than her husband! No other creature in the world has ever loved me like this, including my kids and two ex-husbands. And I don’t treat him any differently than my other cats, so I don’t know why I deserve so much love. Empath, borderline…I don’t know. I just know he loves me very much and shows it. And he was born that way.
So, no, not all cats are sociopaths. But from my experience, I would have to say, all have different personality disorders/traits, just like humans. Certainly completely different from each other. Since I treat them all the same, I have to conclude that they are the product of their genetics, i.e., they came to me that way, I didn’t make them the way they are. Just like the world is not environmentally responsible for creating sociopaths; you were all born that way, and there is nothing we “NORMALS” can do about it, except to stay as far away from you as possible, for our own sakes. Surely, you spaths can understand self-protection and putting ourselves ahead of you. For once. And if you lack the ability to understand that, well, as my ex-spath was so fond of saying to me, “I DON’T CARE!” 🙂
Rgc, OxD is spot-on and it is a very foolish assumption that we can “know” what another person is thinking. I used to “know” that the exspath loved me and was trustworthy. LMAO!!!! Assume = ass (of) u & me.
I hope your son is recovering and I find it inappropriate that your wife expressed her anger at your “encroaching on her mothering.” What is that supposed to mean, exactly? That you are concerned for your son’s well being and attempting to do what YOU can to make him comfortable and see to his needs is a WONDERFUL endeavor. Did she really use the term, “encroached?”
Asserting that “Its gonna work” and that you are “just …. waiting” for some kind of miracle goes back to months past.
I cannot imagine any mother shoving her spouse aside and laying ownership to parenthood. MY child. ME Mother. You father. You sit. Me martyr myself. Go. Get meat and fuel.
Sorry for the sarcasm, but your situation does NOT smell like teen spirit to me.
Brightest blessings
yeah truthy, i know. its been a long road and she does still cling to her old outdated childhood ways of handling things (or rather not handling them) i know she’s used to burying things instead of really dealing with them.
a few weeks back, she kinda gave up some more info that i was buggin her about. when she did, it came out of her like she was throwing up. really. thats what i felt it looked and sounded like. i had the impression that back when she was in his net, the subject tasted really good. (i once had some proverbial caviar that she liked) but it seemed the caviar was bad or spoiled and she couldnt smell it then. made her sick later though. and, she kinda threw up. now shes afraid to have mine. as adults if we feel queasy, who out there likes the idea of pukin??
she’s makin progress.. just slow. before i couldnt tell her anything, she had to find out for herself. gonna have to now too i guess. i dont let that bother me. i have no control. and i dont want control.
rgc
are ya pickin up what i’m puttin down truthy?
Hi OD,
Well, the empty soda can half-full of pennies that I’d use to make the SCARY LOUD NOISE whenever I saw either of them jump on the table worked beautifully for my girl cat.
Particularly if I left The Scary Noisy Can on the table when I left the room.
Girl cat learned to not jump on the table; I could tell because her fur was totally different in color than the boy cat’s fur, and she had huge paws and he had little delicate paws. Only my boy-cat’s fur and paw prints were still appearing on the dining room table in spite of TSNC. The little booger.
I’d heard that a good-quality squirt gun filled with just water works well for some cats (if your aim is good enough to avoid getting water in their ears or eyes) and I was thinking about trying that but never got around to it. Eh.
I’m glad you found something that worked effectively with your cats.
-Babs
“Ox Drover says:
Babs, I keep a bamboo back scratcher by my chair in the LR and onen night I heard my cat on the counter in the kitchen so I sneaked in there (she KNOWS it is a no no) and nailed her just as she jumped off, HOME RUN”.and as far as Ii can tell, she as never done it again. She is no longer sure when I might materialize out of the dark with a bamboo back scratcher to wield like a base ball bat. (she was NOT injured, just scared very badly!) LOL Gotta be smarter than the animal you are trying to train, and with cats that is not always possible, they are sneaky little critters.”
I get the distinct impression that everyone here has experienced something like this. her p-boy has left a trail of women,and little girls including daughters and nieces who have trouble trusting a good man because they either blame themselves, or cant trust or still feel their sick daddy or uncle when faced with the advances of a real and decent man. my gal just needs to understand that she can bring forward a few of the good things she learned from p-boy if she understands first that all the good from those experiences was her. it was all her and the wonderful feeling of being accepted.
i know she gets that he’s bad and i dont think she wants to go back. i think she’s afraid and ashamed of the passion she felt with p-boy.
just because i have figured this out doesnt mean she has. and i realize that it will take some real courage for her to even think about it. she stuck with me through my affair. back then she was very supportive and held to me till i realized i still deserved her.
like i said before, the cats dont mob me anymore… they just come over and kinda say hi and whacha got fer me.
I actually think i have figured out a way to show her the pool so to speak. but if i ever lead her there, she’ll have to drink from it on her own. and i think when and if she does there will be very small sips at first. and were going to have to get used to talking about it first. thats kinda hard i imagine because i as all of you might understand have reacted to this crazy situation in a very intense and crazy way. i dont blame myself for that but i do realize that in order to talk i had to calm down. i think it will take a while for her to get used to this calmer me.
rgc
RCG, I wasn’t aware that you had also had an affair…so I guess there is some stuff going on there as well…you are right, SHE must learn from her own mistakes. If you are satisfied with the way things are working for the two of you, then I say go for it, but I still recommend COUNSELING both together and separately.
I think the two of you as a couple have a lot of baggage to carry or wade through. Good luck.
Babs, yea, I’ve used water squirts, in fact, I use it for my parrot when he’s “bad”, many birds like to be squirted, but he hates it. LOL
The cat is really very good, she is so funny…we have the new dog in the house right now and she has her nose out of joint, but they are finally starting to make peace. Just a laugh a minute! LOL
Old year has wise but wrinkled flesh,
The new year has promises fresh,
So use it well,
Or time will tell,
How you’ll get yourself in a mesh~!
Yea, what a great New Year’s eve…probably go to bed long before Midnight…LOL My idea of a big night!
Oxy:
Don’t feel bad, I’m not doing anything either. I never do anything on New Year’s Eve.