Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who we’ll call “Adelle.” The sociopath asked, “Are you seeing someone else?” Here’s her answer.
A little over a month after leaving an abusive relationship and refusing to have any type of communication with him, he asks if I’m seeing someone else, as if that would be the only way I could get over him, or as if after such a hurricane of a relationship anyone would be inspired to move right into another. Could it be that I finally opened my eyes, that I finally picked myself up from the floor along with my self-esteem?
As I walked the other day, I pondered on that question, “Are you seeing someone else?” I’d like to answer that if I may!
Yes, indeed, I am seeing someone else. I am seeing someone who I hadn’t seen in a while. She’s changed; I do recognize her because she’s familiar to me.
The last time I saw her was a few years ago; she was on top of the world! She was in her 40s and no one believed her when she told them her age. She looked younger, full of life! She was active in her community, well liked and respected. She was an encourager, a motivator, she loved to workout; she loved to read and write. It didn’t take much to make her happy, the free things in life were what she loved: A walk in the park on a cool breezy day. Reading a good book and getting to that “Aha” moment.
I took out some old pictures the other day and saw some of her, she looked good back then. I’ve been seeing a lot of her lately, she looks different, she looks a little tired, but every day I see improvement in her. Every day she looks a little better. I used to make fun of her, because in the past she was always sick, or she thought she was. I called her a hypochondriac, she had a pill for everything. She doesn’t do that anymore, she doesn’t take a bunch of pills, in fact she threw them away! She doesn’t think she’s going through menopause; she’s not as moody or as angry as she was a few months ago. She’s happier, she’s different. She’s even lost some weight!
A few weeks back she caught herself reaching for food and paused, she thought, “Why am I going to eat this?” I’m not hungry. She realized she was feeding something that didn’t need to be fed anymore—depression. She put the food back and smiled! I am so proud of her!
She caught herself on another day too, as she got out of bed; she walked as if she was 80 years old. She had her hand on her waist to support her back and walked slowly. She soon realized there was no pain, no aches. She giggled at herself and straightened up!
She’s dressing better, she’s styling her hair, and she’s spending time with friends. She starting to look more like the girl I used to know a few years ago! She tells me her life was turned upside down, inside out like a “Hurricane.” She says she doesn’t know exactly what she’s going to do, how she’s going to fix it or where she is going. One thing she does know is where she’s been. She’s been in a storm, and she’s not going back!
I believe her, you see, I love this girl, and I know her better than anyone, better than she knows herself! I know exactly what she’s been through! I’ll be right there with her, encouraging her, cheering her on with every little step of progress she makes, no matter how minute. I missed her so much and I welcomed her with open arms!
Read more: True emotional recovery from the sociopath
She’s always been a very bright girl, smart, witty, beautiful; she just had a bad experience — a LOVEFRAUD, if you will! She fell in love with someone who was wearing a mask; she was deceived. When she realized it was all a scam, all lies, she froze in fear, she couldn’t find a way out. The shame, the blame, the guilt! She gave herself away, she lost herself, but she’s coming back.
Like I said before, I’ve been seeing a lot of her lately, and every day she looks more like the girl I used to know, every time I walk by the mirror I smile at her and I tell her I’m proud of her. I ask her to not be so hard on herself; I tell her she’s beautiful!
Am I seeing someone else you ask? You bet I am, and I LOVE her!!!!
Lovefraud originally posted this article on Dec. 16, 2011.
9 reasons why you can’t spot the sociopath’s lies
Constantine
maybe theres something red flagish to people who dont puntuate or spel rite and just run half baked sentences together like they dont care if you understand kind of like way too bored and superior to even finish thoughts like I dont know but its confusing to read i think my girlfriend left me but I was screwing around on my own wife and not payying childe supporete its definitely her fault tho its depressing how men always get blammed for stuff ok i have to run i was going to add somethign but Im already too sick and tired of my own words and i don’t reaelly care if you repsond or not whatever but there is a huge bias against us men you know
closed_eyes
Ox Drover
i think what she was trying to say is you cant fix what you dont understand. Maybe in a different kind of way, but she is correct.
Stargazer
Strongawoman, I had a feeling something wasn’t quite right there. His post was disjointed and didn’t make any sense. Was this panther’s spath??? Wow.
skylar
Closed eyes,
We do understand. We understand that no amount of understanding can fix a spath. A spath has to fix himself.
And we have to fix ourselves from the desire to fix a spath. A spath requires a victim to care about him, to care about fixing him, in order to get his “fix”.
ROTFLMAO.
🙂
Louise
Panther:
So you are the woman Alex had been complaining about??
closed_eyes
constantine
that was good reaely lol made my night
Ox Drover
http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2011/12/06/please-don%E2%80%99t-feed-the-trolls/comment-page-2/#comment-147910
Constantine
Closed Eyes,
Hehe, yes, it’s fun to have an occasional laugh at their expense! After all – they’re such easy targets!
closed_eyes
constantine
its the ammo they provide! Have to go and see if my
childe supporete came. Be careful you guys look related when you write like that
panther
Hey everyone. What the heck? NO it wasn’t MY spath. Alex was married to Adelle, the writer of this post! He came in here and started talking about her, revealed her real name, etc etc etc. He wrote a loooong post that Constantine summarized pretty well up above.
I asked him directly if he was the man Adelle is speaking about, if he is talking about the poster. He said directly YES. I know he hadn’t raised flags (I think) until that point, but I know how I would feel if my own spath showed up in here. This is a support group for people trying to heal, not a grocery store for lame spaths.
I didn’t even really know him, but the weirdest thing about it is that the very first day I saw his name in here, I got suspicious. Then I chided myself for being so paranoid!
Strongawoman, I’m glad you had a nice time in your garden.
Stargazer, I don’t know if you ever corresponded with him, but I don’t think your name was in that particular convo yesterday.
ALSO, I wanted to say hello to brownflower and closed_eyes. That was a lovely prose brownflower. Welcome to LF. I haven’t seen you in here before. Are you both new?
BTW, There is a chance we’ll see our visitor change costumes and return to this very thread. Heads up ladies and gents.