Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who we’ll call “Adelle.”
A little over a month after leaving an abusive relationship and refusing to have any type of communication with him, he asks if I’m seeing someone else, as if that would be the only way I could get over him, or as if after such a hurricane of a relationship anyone would be inspired to move right into another. Could it be that I finally opened my eyes, that I finally picked myself up from the floor along with my self-esteem?
As I walked the other day, I pondered on that question, “Are you seeing someone else?” I’d like to answer that if I may!
Yes, indeed, I am seeing someone else. I am seeing someone who I hadn’t seen in a while. She’s changed; I do recognize her because she’s familiar to me.
The last time I saw her was a few years ago; she was on top of the world! She was in her 40s and no one believed her when she told them her age. She looked younger, full of life! She was active in her community, well liked and respected. She was an encourager, a motivator, she loved to workout; she loved to read and write. It didn’t take much to make her happy, the free things in life were what she loved: A walk in the park on a cool breezy day. Reading a good book and getting to that “Aha” moment.
I took out some old pictures the other day and saw some of her, she looked good back then. I’ve been seeing a lot of her lately, she looks different, she looks a little tired, but every day I see improvement in her. Every day she looks a little better. I used to make fun of her, because in the past she was always sick, or she thought she was. I called her a hypochondriac, she had a pill for everything. She doesn’t do that anymore, she doesn’t take a bunch of pills, in fact she threw them away! She doesn’t think she’s going through menopause; she’s not as moody or as angry as she was a few months ago. She’s happier, she’s different. She’s even lost some weight!
A few weeks back she caught herself reaching for food and paused, she thought, “Why am I going to eat this?” I’m not hungry. She realized she was feeding something that didn’t need to be fed anymore—depression. She put the food back and smiled! I am so proud of her!
She caught herself on another day too, as she got out of bed; she walked as if she was 80 years old. She had her hand on her waist to support her back and walked slowly. She soon realized there was no pain, no aches. She giggled at herself and straightened up!
She’s dressing better, she’s styling her hair, and she’s spending time with friends. She starting to look more like the girl I used to know a few years ago! She tells me her life was turned upside down, inside out like a “Hurricane.” She says she doesn’t know exactly what she’s going to do, how she’s going to fix it or where she is going. One thing she does know is where she’s been. She’s been in a storm, and she’s not going back!
I believe her, you see, I love this girl, and I know her better than anyone, better than she knows herself! I know exactly what she’s been through! I’ll be right there with her, encouraging her, cheering her on with every little step of progress she makes, no matter how minute. I missed her so much and I welcomed her with open arms!
She’s always been a very bright girl, smart, witty, beautiful; she just had a bad experience a LOVEFRAUD, if you will! She fell in love with someone who was wearing a mask; she was deceived. When she realized it was all a scam, all lies, she froze in fear, she couldn’t find a way out. The shame, the blame, the guilt! She gave herself away, she lost herself, but she’s coming back.
Like I said before, I’ve been seeing a lot of her lately, and every day she looks more like the girl I used to know, every time I walk by the mirror I smile at her and I tell her I’m proud of her. I ask her to not be so hard on herself; I tell her she’s beautiful!
Am I seeing someone else you ask? You bet I am, and I LOVE her!!!!
Oxy, seriously, I’m screwed with regards to that email account, because I don’t have the password anymore! I had linked it to my other account years ago and only accessed it through the toggle switch at the account’s bar—I don’t know if you understand what I’m saying right now, but I cannot delete that account because I don’t have the password, basically. I already tried contacting Hotmail and they didn’t believe that it was my account, no matter what I told them! My password reset was for another email account that I had deleted ages ago. Total conundrum, but I should never have opened that mail, I agree. Brain fart moment. It was like checking to see if the pile-o-poo on my doorstep was really poo by putting my hand in it and smelling it.
Thanks for your 2 cents. I shook off the initial shock of this letter and I’m basically back to normal. I think I actually forgot just how utterly nuts he is…..gee, how could I forget!
Sky, he was laughing because he was so pleased people cared enough to impersonate him, hehe.
Panther, yea I know what you mean about losing the passwords to accounts of all sorts….and can’t change them or delete them. LOL Oh, well just don’t open it any more and you’ll be all set.
Yup. You’re right. And I won’t. Lesson re-learned.
Panther
Rock on.
Athena
Thanks Athena. 🙂 I finally figured out how to read your name!
Panther,
“with all the real and good in my soul I wish the universe gives you what you rightfully deserve”. WTF?!!!!
You deserve to be free of this a hole. Peace friend
Yeah, I agree Strongawoman. I think that line is the creepiest of the whole letter. And the fact that he says it at the beginning and end…like parenthesis…and in-between the parenthesis is all the stuff he really means to say, which is that he thinks I rightfully deserve to be punished and destroyed, and with all the real and good in his soul, he wishes the universe makes this happen.
I don’t think anyone in his close circle has ever actually seen him for what he is. He still thinks tooting the same old bs lines will work on me, because everyone else he knows just keeps on giving him money and picking him up from the police station. Someone actually getting a clue and cutting him off is not in his realm of comprehension (cause he’s just too damn smart to ever be caught). It hasn’t sunk in or clicked for him, and it never will.
Peace to you too.
Panther, be calm in the knowledge that if he is anything like my spathy ex…..and there are similarities… He wants you to be punished because you have dared to go NC with him. He comprehends I think. They dont like to be unmasked, thwarted, or laughed at. But the ultimate threat is the person who sees him for what he truly is.
Let me lure you into my lair once more so I can turn your world upside down. Again.
I know it’s a bad thought but I’ve been having thoughts of revenge today.
Ox would say don’t give it head space ….but it’s galling. I don’t mean illegal revenge just informing on him.
Oh dear ….
I’m trying really hard not to be bitter. It’s what he would want. He’d enjoy it so I will think kind thoughts (to myself lol)…..and remember I had a lucky escape. Sorry am rambling but you know sometimes there’s a lot of shiat goin on in my head.
I read a lot here. Every day I check in. Couldn’t have come this far without this site and the support I get.
I can truly relate. I divorced after 33 years of the lies, cheating, drug use. I left 4 years ago and he still calls, not to ask about his kids or grandkids, but because he has spent his entire pension check for the month (AGAIN) on crack and is hungry, out of cigarettes, etc. I have blocked him from my cell phone, he calls at work. I have filed telephone harassment charges, and he still can’t believe I don’t want to see him. They just can’t believe we love ourselves (finally) more than we do them. I am slowly starting to exercise, I am spending money on clothes, getting my hair done (I still feel a little guilty) and on making myself look my age, not 10 years older from the stress. I don’t really date much because I am prone to attract and feel sorry for needy men. I know the latest guy that I’ve gone out with a couple of times is lonely (he’s a widower) and because he retired earlier this year, but the constant phone calls, texts, e-mail messages, etc. are really over the top seeing that I have to get up and go to work. Yet I don’t want to hurt his feelings because he is lonely and has health problems. I have to remember, it is not my role in life to make sure everyone else is happy at the expense of my well being, no matter how cold that sounds.