Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who we’ll call “Adelle.”
A little over a month after leaving an abusive relationship and refusing to have any type of communication with him, he asks if I’m seeing someone else, as if that would be the only way I could get over him, or as if after such a hurricane of a relationship anyone would be inspired to move right into another. Could it be that I finally opened my eyes, that I finally picked myself up from the floor along with my self-esteem?
As I walked the other day, I pondered on that question, “Are you seeing someone else?” I’d like to answer that if I may!
Yes, indeed, I am seeing someone else. I am seeing someone who I hadn’t seen in a while. She’s changed; I do recognize her because she’s familiar to me.
The last time I saw her was a few years ago; she was on top of the world! She was in her 40s and no one believed her when she told them her age. She looked younger, full of life! She was active in her community, well liked and respected. She was an encourager, a motivator, she loved to workout; she loved to read and write. It didn’t take much to make her happy, the free things in life were what she loved: A walk in the park on a cool breezy day. Reading a good book and getting to that “Aha” moment.
I took out some old pictures the other day and saw some of her, she looked good back then. I’ve been seeing a lot of her lately, she looks different, she looks a little tired, but every day I see improvement in her. Every day she looks a little better. I used to make fun of her, because in the past she was always sick, or she thought she was. I called her a hypochondriac, she had a pill for everything. She doesn’t do that anymore, she doesn’t take a bunch of pills, in fact she threw them away! She doesn’t think she’s going through menopause; she’s not as moody or as angry as she was a few months ago. She’s happier, she’s different. She’s even lost some weight!
A few weeks back she caught herself reaching for food and paused, she thought, “Why am I going to eat this?” I’m not hungry. She realized she was feeding something that didn’t need to be fed anymore—depression. She put the food back and smiled! I am so proud of her!
She caught herself on another day too, as she got out of bed; she walked as if she was 80 years old. She had her hand on her waist to support her back and walked slowly. She soon realized there was no pain, no aches. She giggled at herself and straightened up!
She’s dressing better, she’s styling her hair, and she’s spending time with friends. She starting to look more like the girl I used to know a few years ago! She tells me her life was turned upside down, inside out like a “Hurricane.” She says she doesn’t know exactly what she’s going to do, how she’s going to fix it or where she is going. One thing she does know is where she’s been. She’s been in a storm, and she’s not going back!
I believe her, you see, I love this girl, and I know her better than anyone, better than she knows herself! I know exactly what she’s been through! I’ll be right there with her, encouraging her, cheering her on with every little step of progress she makes, no matter how minute. I missed her so much and I welcomed her with open arms!
She’s always been a very bright girl, smart, witty, beautiful; she just had a bad experience a LOVEFRAUD, if you will! She fell in love with someone who was wearing a mask; she was deceived. When she realized it was all a scam, all lies, she froze in fear, she couldn’t find a way out. The shame, the blame, the guilt! She gave herself away, she lost herself, but she’s coming back.
Like I said before, I’ve been seeing a lot of her lately, and every day she looks more like the girl I used to know, every time I walk by the mirror I smile at her and I tell her I’m proud of her. I ask her to not be so hard on herself; I tell her she’s beautiful!
Am I seeing someone else you ask? You bet I am, and I LOVE her!!!!
Ox, I was actually thinking of the journalist when I read the mail back from Shari. I think I had gone too long without seeing or hearing anything from him and started to forget how profoundly delusional he is.
I WILL NEVER AGAIN READ OR LISTEN TO ANYTHING HE SAYS!
🙂
They really do incite barf, right? Today in a Facebook sociopath abuse recovery group, a cute wittle sociopath came in, all adorable and innocent, and said something like, “but you all need to know that sociopaths hurt themselves the most. i should know. it was so hard. but no more pain in my life!” I think I vomited on the screen when I read that, just as I was hitting the “report” button. POOR SOCIOPATH doesn’t just screw up other people’s lives, but he messes up his own too? OH NO somebody help him!!! ROFLMAO
Panther, I know what you mean, we do tend to forget JUST HOW BAD they really are until something reminds us. It is important though that we keep our NC and don’t give them another chance to worm back into our heads and hearts!
Yes, you’re right. That was like a reaffirmation that I am doing the right thing by moving the heck on!
I’m going to sleep now. It’s uber late over here in Germany.
Take care for now. Toodles…
Panther, Thanks friend your warning was very welcome. Oh dear, I’m still not good at spotting them.
So glad you got confirmation that your ex had lied. What a to** er!!!
Panther
Read it
Was actually interesting to see both sides and how each ended in the same manner. People hurt mistakes made, both looking for new direction. If we read just the ending of every book what would we gain. We read to comprehend learn and understand so that when we turn to the last page we understand the aha moment. Here is your Ugh moment! we liked the last page and when the rest of the book was applied it wasn’t what it was thought to be. So it was thrown away and we only see the ending we want. Not to justify but this story was posted in the blogs replied to and discussed. No one yelled fire or ran because we liked the book. Alex or whoever has been posting blogging here for several months didn’t just show up overnight, wasn’t deemed a threat or made a casualty until now.
Why because we wanted a different story.
When we plant flowers do we realize they will die, yes eventually, but we only wait for the smell the colors the beauty. But in the end they all die some too fast just as our relationships have. If we are to replant and bloom to stay the season, we must know why the flower died. What went wrong more water, less sunlight. To know why, we must understand the flower and the planting. From beginning to end, we have to get our hands dirty to replant or we will end up with another brown flower
me/2010
BF, WTF LMAO
Brownflower,
I don’t actually get the logic in your analogy…sure it would be nice to understand if a flower we have planted dies, why it died, however, we don’t have to understand every weed that comes up in our garden in order to know it is toxic, or to know the mind set of a tick when we pull it off our skin and squash it. All we have to know is that something is toxic, parasitic or taking the time and energy that we could better devote to something more positive.
I don’t have to read every book all the way through to know that it is a waste of my time to read further, and I have tossed many that upon reading several chapters, I have found not up to my standards of what I think that kind of book should be.
It is the same with people, when we see that they are wasting our time or they are not interested in interacting in this blog in the manner and way that the majority of us do, or that their blogging is counter productive to this blog, it is best that they move on to a place that they will be happier and disrupt this blog less.
While this blog is “open” to anyone who is interested in reading or posting on the subjects covered here, it is privately owned and the owner of this blog makes and enforces the rules. If I do not agree with those rules, I am able to go somewhere else or start my own blog. That is freedom.
Panther, what was his username? Is this someone I was responding to in the middle of the night? I replied to a rather disjointed post and now cannot find either of the posts – theirs or mine.
Stargazer, it was Alex an it was deleted