LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Destruction of our lives through family courts

Editor’s note: The following email was sent by a woman whom we’ll call “Eralyn.”

I have been “lurking” (I guess it’s called) your site for quite some time. I want to thank you for your website as I am grateful to see people who know and understand the insanity of all of this.

I have decided to write to you as I read the posts of women who have very young children with a sociopath and they sound so much like me a decade ago that I cannot in good conscience keep quiet. While I don’t want to cause any more fear than they are already living with, I do want them to be warned and keep their guard up. They need to know the way things are going in the court system down the road.

Poking holes in the condom

My daughter is 13 years old and I have owned a small business for 21 years and a home for 18 years. Not so much as a traffic ticket and I have been a single mother for the entire time. I got pregnant by an out of character fling. I found out from his best friend “for some reason he’s picked you and be careful as he’s the type to poke holes in a condom.” I didn’t take heed to the warning and there I was. My spath said his best friend was a pathological liar. He was the liar. I found out much later.

During the pregnancy, I believe when he realized I wouldn’t marry him or the permanency of his actions, he made threats to cut my baby from stomach and kill us all. I found out when a SWAT team was at my home to save me. He was sent to an inpatient mental hospital and diagnosed with BPD w/anti-social traits and much, much more. Chronic Auditory Hallucinations of the devil.

I found out what I was dealing with over the next year or so and had the baby, I also thought, as your other posters say, that if I didn’t ask for child support, or if I played this a certain way, he’d leave us alone. My baby is the love of my life even at 13years old. I had 3 years orders of protection, was harassed, stalked, physical altercation and threats of harm, while attempting to raise the child on my own and remain sane. He wasn’t on the birth certificate. He would call here and there after his drug life increased and I would simply appease him until the next time he called, never asking about the child.

Father in jail

He was finally incarcerated April of 2007 on several financial felonies. (relief) He sent me a letter after being in for 2 years and no contact. Someone gave him my address. Said we’d be together wholly and completely as he had prayed for 680 days. I responded forgetting who/what I was dealing with, to please just leave us alone. (He thanked me for the scent on the letter; there was no scent.)The child doesn’t know him and he has brought nothing but drama, trauma and upset to our lives.

This started the next 3 and a half years of the destruction of our lives through family courts in Arizona. He filed from his prison cell for all rights and had a “senior pastor (of a home church) licensed professional counselor, expert witness” who had been involved in our lives when the baby was an infant, write a letter on his behalf. It took 2 years for the state to investigate this psychologist/pastor due to my complaint, and he has since lost his psychology license and is of the same caliber of person as the father, only cleaner cut.

His letter caused much damage to our case. The father’s criminal record, mental record, domestic violence against me—all of it was disregarded by the courts as “too old.” Two months prior to his release from prison, he became the “prison chaplain clerk.” He was released 8/09. He appears to have gotten so much backing nobody can believe it. He was filing 3 to 5 (many of them perjured) motions per week from his prison cell starting 4/09 and then came court.

Well-rounded child

I was terrified. This little loving 10 year old had to find out her father was a criminal who was just being released from prison and demanding to be in her life. I knew it was revenge. He called his aunt and said, “We’re going to prove her clinically insane.” It was laughable at first. I never came up for air in the first 2 years and screamed and cried for help begging, as I knew he was going to emotionally abuse this child severely.

She was a “well-rounded, pleasure to have in class” little girl who didn’t know about the evils of these types of people. She helped the handicapped children at school, was an honor roll student and a purple belt heading to her black belt in karate. Our whole world imploded. He appeared to have financial backing of “fathers’ rights attorneys,” “faith based prison reentry program,” “work reentry program making $180,000 per year” (he had never made $40k per year) federal funding?


I was ordered to provide any and all medical records of mine to the courts from my whole life, including 8 years taxes, 8 years bank statements, business and personal, ordered to counseling and so was the child, due to her resisting reunification. I was blamed for his telling the child of his prison history, drug history, crimes and a picture he showed her on his phone at their first meeting of his butt! This was told by my daughter to his aunt and not to me, so you’d think they would’ve believed it. He told her I wanted to abort her (a threat from birth out) and she was not aborted because of him and sucked the joy and peace from both of our lives. Plus much more.

At one point I had to defend against emergency psych exam for me and put child at risk of foster care until I could be evaluated. At least my attorney told his attorney that she was bordering on misconduct, although it seemed like the border was gone. This attorney had something to do with the home church.

My daughter became suicidal and self-harming and her grades dropped. She quit karate. She stopped helping kids at school. This nightmare is unbelievable to anyone who hasn’t dealt with this type of monster and the way the family courts facilitate this abuse on to unsuspecting honorable citizens. The reunification therapist “was right with her God” and wrote 8 letters against the child and myself as she bought into the father’s early arrivals so “he could pray” before meeting with his daughter.

Terminate the rights

Ok, so needless to say, I am getting upset telling my story. I want you to tell your readers and mothers whose babies have been the light of their life with a sociopathic father that ANY loophole or opportunity to terminate the spaths right’s should be taken.  All the healing they have done is at risk if their guard goes down prior to their children’s 18th birthday. This can happen to them.

We are mere shells of the people we once were. I have basically lost my business and I am trying to save our home. The courts won’t help if spath comes back with a better story years from now. They have rights and God forbid they learn more criminal behavior and get the benefits of being a criminal who has done just enough time to get all the backing of the system.

My daughter finally recorded one of the abusive reunification sessions where they spent an hour arguing and bashing me, and I was sanctioned by the judge, accused of “wiring my child” and being the most reprehensible mother his attorney had ever had contact with in family courts????? I had nothing to do with the recording, but it stopped this particular therapist and I agreed to a sanction so the child would never go back to that therapist again.

Child is traumatized

The new one sees the truth and has told the courts how traumatized the child is from “whatever happened in the prior sessions,” and we are waiting on the judge’s recommendation for the child. The father would still like to see her after he quit the meetings in May when he realized this therapist saw through him. (It disgusts me that I am used to referring to her as “the child,” now since every word you speak is subject to scrutiny in this terroristic court system.)

We have 5 more years it appears, and there is so much more to this story. I am grateful I could come to Lovefraud and at least know others see these cruel creatures for what they are.

Thank you, Donna. I am giving you this info so you can decide if or how you may warn or help the mothers who are fighting to protect their young children. I thought I was safely in the clear and had done everything right and recovered for the most part from the trauma of the beginning with this man. It just didn’t matter. There is very little help for us.

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Ox Drover

Here is a link to a great group and one which is advertising for stories of people who have been ripped off by the family court system. Those of you who have been violated by this system, contact them and get your story out there.

CA Protective Parents Association

Dear Friends,

Much is happening!

You have a chance to help save 16-year-old Damon by listening to his disclosure of child sex abuse on, then contacting theDistrict Attorney of Monterey County Dean Flippo at urge him to thoroughly investigate the child sex abuse, to give Damon a protective order, and to prosecute his sexual molester. We have a responsibility to prevent another cover up of child sex abuse.

Sera McRoberts children are in danger

Judge Steven Jahr, Shasta County is the new Administrative Director of the Courts in California. Does anyone know anything about him?

Lawless Americahas a possibility of getting network television coverage of stories on family court corruption.

If you want to be filmed (3 minutes), email with your name, address, phone, email, and explain you are a Family Court Victim.
If you only want your name in his database, email
You can also hear Bill Windsor and sign the petition.
September 9-12, 2012International Violence, Abuse and Trauma conference in San Diego, CA

September 16, 2012is the deadline to submitessays of 5-7 typed pages (3,000 – 4,000 words) to Dr. Dorothy Altman, an Honors English Professor at Bergen Community College, and Patrice Livingstone. ( ; They are going to publish an abuse anthology- a book of essays of raw personal experiences of victims/survivors. Subject line: Abuse Anthology Essay- Your Name and State.On the first page, please list your name, address, e-mail, and telephone number, and a title of your piece. You can use a pseudonym.

October 4-7, 2012Conference on EMDR and Attachment: Healing Developmental Trauma

October 19, 2012Ritual Abuse: International Clinical Perspectivesin Los Angeles

October 28, 2012Save the Date! Mothers of Lost Children will march from the U.S. Capitol to the White House in Washington DC to protest children being taken from safe mothers and given to battering and sexually abusive fathers. The family court cover up is similar to Penn State and the Catholic Church cover ups. There will also be a candlelight vigil at the White House on October 27 and a demonstration at the US Supreme Court from 9-12 on Monday October 29.

October 29-30, 2012Penn State conference on child sexual abuse, thanks to the Sandusky child sex abuse scandal and cover up.

The men who covered up for Jerry Sandusky

Exclusive: Victim of Second Mile Pedophile Network

Connecting the Dots

The Baffling Case of DA Ray Gricar

Far-Reaching Implications of PSU Child Abuse Scandal

Louis Freeh…The Cover-up Goes National

October 29, 2012Garland Waller’s knockout documentary No Way Out But One will air on The Documentary Channel. DVDs will be available at the Doc Store.


The Parent Trap

Archbishop of Dublin on CBS

Federal Bureau of Investigation, Public Corruption

“Public corruption poses a fundamental threat to our national security and way of life. It impacts everything from how well our borders are secured and our neighborhoods protected…to verdicts handed down in courts…to the quality of our roads, schools, and other government services. And it takes a significant toll on our pocketbooks, wasting billions in tax dollars every year. The FBI is singularly situated to combat this corruption, with the skills and capabilities to run complex undercover operations and surveillance,” saidSpecial Agent Patrick Bohrer, assistant section chief of our Public Corruption/Civil Rights program at FBI Headquarters.

Family law corruption falls under several FBI Public Corruption categories:

Connie Valentine
CA Protective Parents Association

Divorced from Gaslighter

Marie: I would advise you to stay out of the shelter. A judge might well decide that the child is better off with the father who “has a nice apartment” even if he only has the apartment for one month, or only has a nice apartment “on paper.”

Also, if you go to a shelter, and have to explain why later in court at some point, you will have to admit that you don’t get along with your parents, and that is why you moved out. If you are destitute enough to have to go to a shelter, and you have a “dysfunctional birth family,” your ex will have a pretty good chance of getting custody, since the child needs a stable home, and you don’t have an apartment or even a supportive family.

You are in a bad situation, and the sister who called CPS will likely do it again at some point. The only way to stop her is probably to threaten her, “If you call CPS on me, I’m going to call the IRS on you.” If your sister is on some kind of government program, you could threaten to report her to them.

Additionally, since your sister has already reported you to CPS, you are already in their system, even if the case was found to be “unfounded.” If you go into a shelter, you may lose your child immediately. The shelters work hand in glove with CPS, and there is absolutely no confidentiality anywhere in the system, because everybody having anything to do with children is a “mandated reporter” and everything is supposedly done in the best interests of the child.

Go to the local HUD housing office, or Rural Development if you live in the country, and ask what kind of housing programs they have and get on the waiting list. Don’t tell them about the condo while you are on the waiting list, but ABSOLUTELY disclose it, or get rid of it, before accepting benefits. If the local HUD office has a huge waiting list, ask which surrounding jurisdictions might have a shorter list, as you are willing to move.

My advice would be to try to get an apartment somewhere, somehow, before your credit rating is ruined, but if money is running out, I would cut my losses, look online for info about the best way to dump the condo, and possibly dump the credit cards, too.

Once you get settled somewhere, get a cell phone to be your private main phone, and a landline to be your “public” LISTED phone number. Your ex is going to find a phone number for you one way or another, so give him one before a judge punishes you for withholding the number. Do NOT put the ex’s phone number into the cell phone, and make sure the landline phone has speakerphone and a message recorder. Your ex becomes very sympathetic to the court if he has ZERO contact with the child because you “kidnapped” her and went into hiding.

Pick your new apartment with care, because once you are there, you won’t have the money to move again for years. Check out the Salvation Army and especially the YMCA, etc. to see if they have deeply discounted childcare that you could use while looking for a job/getting started in a new job.

If you are going to totally start over, look at North Dakota or the oil field areas of Texas.

NEVER volunteer to be a “client” of CPS, especially if your child is small, blond, and cute. They are always trolling for “abused and neglected children” that they can place for adoption (and get a government bonus.) They will pump you for negative information about your ex in order to terminate HIS parental rights, while they pump him for negative information about you in order to terminate YOUR parental rights.


Marie~ Am not sure what state you are in but 37 states have an Address Confidentiality Program that you can enter into. It is for victims of domestic violence, sexual assault and stalking.

You will be given a ‘fake’ address to use legally for everything including registering your car, your driver’s license and you can even testify under oath that it is your address. The ACP programs will keep your real whereabouts under lock and key. All of your mail will be sent to the fake address and then they will forward it to you.

Also, you can give it to the court and be compliant about letting them know where you are but it will tip off your ex about your location in a new state.

I would see if you could get a pro bono attorney in the state HE is in. If you are represented by an attorney then giving the address/phone number of the attorney will suffice as far as keeping the ex or the courts informed about how you can be reached. This option is safer because then the ex will likely be clueless that you have left the state.

For most short sales to go through you have to be behind on your payments. You may want to try for a loan modification but they can’t know that you don’t live there. Try to google the new HAFA laws that were put into place for homeowners. Possibly you can rent out the condo to cover the mortgage. If you do a short sale and keep up on your other debts, you can actually buy another home in two years. The purchase of the condo will be viewed as a bad decision of an otherwise responsible person. (In the eyes of those looking at credit) A foreclosure does much more damage.

We have been being stalked for over seven years relentlessly by the spath. He has access to A LOT of money through his trust fund and retired attorney father.

If I knew then what I was dealing with, we would have RUN out of the state. Am now court ordered to not remove my son from Colorado. We are trapped. You are two steps ahead of spath. Take a deep breath and congratulate yourself for that!

I bought a book called ‘How to Disappear’ and it has a lot of good info and suggestions. Your cell phone can be GPS tracked if they know your number. I would keep your number safe. Always make calls out blocked. People know that when they receive a call that comes up Private or Restricted that it is me. They will get used to it.

DO NOT let spath get you back into court! He will say that you are a vindictive and manipulative b#$!# and have been keeping your child from him. He will even claim you kidnapped the child. They WILL buy into his victim story and come at you with a vengeance.

Stay hidden and diligent.

Eralyn~ Just wanted you to know that your words touched me tonight as I needed to hear them.

“Try to tell yourself you are living a mindful life and a strategic life rather than a life of fear and looking over your shoulder. I have to do this or the trapped feelings overwhelm me.”

We are moving right now and it was an ’emergency’ decision that I made based on the spath’s conversations he has with my son. (court ordered, Ugh) about things he couldn’t possibly know about unless he has discovered where we live. A comment a few days ago sent us into a tail spin and we are knee deep in moving.

We also have no new home to go to. Just some amazing friends that understand what we are going through and a willingness to help us out. Have NEVER been in this situation. Have been independent and made my own way since I was 16 years old. Am trying to shake off the sheer panic and keep telling myself that somehow, someway, we are going to be alright.

Everything is going into storage and then I guess it will be an adventure. It looks like we will have some money coming in at the end of September. Fingers crossed.

In the meantime the spath will have a heck of a time trying to pin us down. His tactics are so opaque that it is almost hilarious to watch him do what he does. Almost.

Please know Maria that struggling with finances right now is temporary and you have won half the battle by leaving the state. I would cut ties to family of origin as that is the very first place spath will look for you, and he WILL look for you.

Think of Eralyn’s words that we are living mindfully and strategically right now. Our eyes are wide open.


LPMarie, whenever courts are involved, there is the strong possibility that spaths will run another successful con, especially if children are involved. Children are the most coveted prey because they don’t have a voice.

Please, consult the following website for resources that might be available to you:

Where spaths are concerned, it is vital to recognize and accept the fact that they do not behave with a conscience or any sense of remorse. They do what they do simply because they CAN (caps are intended as emphasis, only), and nobody – not Law Enforcement, not moral code, not Courts, not any entitty – is going to tell them otherwise.

You are in a very precarious situation, and you have my most sincere positive thoughts and prayers. A load of excellent suggestions have been posted, and I would urge you to consider each one, carefully, and with deliberation. Right now, you are in the middle of an emotional vortex created by the spath. That vortex can cause you to spin out of control and take rash actions that could (and, likely, will) backfire. An abusive spath counts on RE-action rather than PRO-action. We simply react because we are constantly blindsided. It’s sort of the same motive as terrorists use: keep everyday people in a state of extreme anxiety about everyday events. Go to the market and risk being blown to bits. We just cannot predict what these people will do, so it’s important to avoid attempting to do that. But, we also must work hard to set aside the emotion and approach all issues from a pragmatic view. If I do this, these are the likely outcomes….and, so forth.

As for having him arrested? This is a very dicey situation and I’ll just say that you have a number of options that have already been posted. Consider each of them from an approach of common sense.

Moving closer to dysfunctional family? Uh……….no. You’ll be easier to find, they’ll be more than happy to oblige for whatever sick reasons, and you won’t be any safer than you would have been by staying with the abuser.

One more time:

This can be a starting point for your to research your options.

My most brightest protective blessings to you


Glory, I’m sorry….I confused your post about having the spath arrested with someone else’s post.

You may also want to check out the website:

This is a fantastic site with loads of FAQ’s, resources (national, international, regional, local), and available help.

Brightest blessings


Ox Drover,

You have given some excellent options. I really appreciate it. I will write on behalf of Damon.
Thank you for putting them all in one spot to be able to follow it easily.

You are a wealth of information.

Thank you.


Another ‘thank you’ Ox Drover for the “wealth of information and putting them all in one spot”. I reviewed many of the websites and I emailed information about my book and the Minnesota Family Court System corruption to the CA Protective Parents Association. I had heard about Bill Windsor and “Lawless America”. So, I listened to him on youtube and signed his petition. He is truly doing amazing work with exposing the flood of corruption in America’s “justice” system.

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