Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from the reader who posts as “Duped no more!”

{A brief definition of my breaking NC, after almost 9 months, and a brief explanation of the experience and what I would say if I had to explain it to someone else. I had to send it to myself because there is nobody else but you who would understand ”¦}

“I went back for you, with my heart in my hand and you just devoured it with no care nor consceince.”

Nothing has changed; don’t listen no more; don’t go back!

This is it.

I have seen and heard what I needed to and now it’s time to move forward once and for all.

I have set myself free. The last few text messages that I sent, that have gone unanswered, are the last I am ever going to speak to him.

His love bombing didn’t work. In fact, it has only made me hate him more. NOW I am more determined than ever but I heard everything I needed to hear. EVERYTHING. Even more cunning than I had originally thought. That’s all right, I will keep standing this time ”¦ I am stronger than he is and as long as I am right here, where I live, around the people who live around me, I NEVER HAVE TO WORRY FOR my safety from him. HE DOESN’T HAVE THE BALLS to show his putrid face around here anymore. He PROVED that to me, by what he said about the last time he threatened me ”¦ he knows. “I saw the display of police presence while I was there the last time; bravo. Job well done! And I hadn’t even done anything, that time. I shudder to think what would happen to me if I actually DID do something.” ”¦ I am glad he remembers.

It is sad our friendship has come to this. But, with a psychopath, it always comes to this.

He was just ‘phishing’ (this time) to see what he could get and he isn’t getting it from me.

The intrusion wasn’t based on any sort of ‘affection’ but one of ‘self serving nosiness’. An agenda, with an intent.

When the opportunity presented itself, for me to look it in the eye <so to speak>, one more time, I took the opportunity to smell it and taste it and I found out that I was indeed, absolutely correct in my assumption of the situation. It has made me more resolved. But, I was able to do this from somewhat of a great distance. And, I have LOTS of ‘back up.’ DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME FOLKS!

I am banishing the demon back to the cave from which it came, lest it devour me.

I have never witnessed such madness. Shocking and overwhelming. Yet, to others, as charming as a newborn baby.

Why, one would never suspect anything at all and most don’t.

I am getting strong and I am stabilized in my health; he is on the verge of ruining me again and I am not letting that happen.

I can’t believe there are people like this in our life!!! OMG: how ugly and horrid. Seems the nicer you are to them, the more they want to devour you. That’s all right, I informed him of my thinking of ‘going active’ ”¦ let him chew on that a while.

Then with my second farewell ”¦ I am not putting up with this bullshit no more. I have had it. He is going NOWHERE with his LOSER LIFE and the more you try to help him and be nice to him, the more you become a target for him so I am just done with it all. These people have no conscience about themselves other than what they want and will suck your life blood from you if you let them.

I have learned my lesson about NC; however, I had to go back and see it for myself.

I had to see for myself, just one more time and I have seen it and tasted it. I don’t want no more madness in my life.

I told him he was a lunatic the way he acts and he truly is. It can be very scary but I have learned that they are like they are because THEY are more scared of US than we are of them and that is why they hate us.

My advice to anyone = run away as fast and as quickly as you can and don’t look back. It isn’t ever going to change. Our believing in them only feeds their ego and their power ”¦ believe in yourself instead. It’s the only way to survive. Take care of yourself; look out for yourself. Surround yourself with beautiful and happy things and nice people and it will permeate your life. If you are constantly surrounded by darkness and sadness and sorrow, your life will become that as well. We can push the darkness out and away with the light. It starts with us, you and me.

I have a little life left and I plan on doing what makes ME HAPPY.

He and all his ‘minions’ can go straight back to the hell they came from.

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One slight correction, I did not meet him online. I saw a profile of his and from that, I constructed an image of the type of person I wanted to meet, the “next door” type guy. Thus, the first meeting was “virtual” and I did not directly contact him.

Interestingly, right after I met him, I deleted from my computer the picture of him I had saved — I even remember saying to his picture something like “sorry guy, I need to delete you but you can understand why…”

I had no idea until after the fact that my “next door” guy was him. Only when I came across his online trail did I connect everything. Talk about freaky and star-crossed.

So, his manipulation was not based upon me constructing an image of him, rather, it was more like him reading me and constructing an image of what he thought he needed to be to attract me. What is truly sociopathic about his manipulation is that he choose a persona that a) was unnecessary; b) completely unlike what his actual online persona was. Thus, he sows this imaged of a “reserved and sorted” British guy while his online persona was quite the opposite. Which was the true persona I will never know…

Intellectually knowing I know the truth is satisfying. Emotionally, it is not. While I have been tempted to play him online, I will not. But it would be fun, since virtually every detail of his active profile is incorrect, including some very personal ones…

BBE: I did meet mine online, originally. Which he reminded me of all the time. “Why were you on there if you weren’t a loose woman?” Like HE had room to talk: “MR MARRIED”. But, then that is the kind of dysfunction that exists in their minds.

They just aren’t worth the effort, BBE….
Right, there is a lot to be said for ‘intellectually knowing’ that we know the truth and it is satisfying enough. Enough to spare us anymore of the torture of the issues. Seriously.

Everything about their ‘profiles’ is askew because a person can be anything they want to be on the internet and mine was. However, he got ‘outed’ in a big way. Karma DOES come around – no evil deed goes left unpunished. Neither does a good deed, sometimes….

Blessings, BBE…



Anytime I have used the internet for dating, my profiles where honest descriptions of my personality and if you met me in person, there would be no disconnect.

I was in the somewhat unique situation of first meeting the x-spath in person, then finding his online profiles. That his online profiles are so different from the person he presented to me is evidence of severe dysfunction, 180 degrees opposite from shy and reserve guy he pretended to be. I believe Donna talks about such people in her book and this lack of sexual pressure on me, along with his “reserved” act, should have been a big red flag.

How was your x-spath “outed?” The fact that mine fells the need to disguise himself a bit strongly indicates there is something to hide, perhaps his HIV status, perhaps something else…

BBE: Mine has been ‘outed’ severely in the past couple of years. So much so that I almost find myself feeling sorry for his immense dysfunction and resulting issues.

People (LOTS OF PEOPLE) have been educated heavily about him in recent times and he has had to face more ‘music’ than he thought he ever would, I am sure.

Oh yes, they heavily disguise themselves, in person or online.
What I ended up having to accept about mine was what I really and actually HAD…I have known him just about 11 years now and it has all been from afar, pretty much, for one reason or another…he was nothing BUT all about lies and deceptions and now everyone knows. Everyone. Much to his dismay. The only recourse he has now is to submit for treatment. THAT is how much he has been ‘outed’.

I have always been the same old person, online as I am in person. That is just my nature and the way I rock. I am not something I pretend to be but someone IAM. I have always been that way and will probably always be that way. I learned at a very young age that honesty and genuineness is just something a person needs to include in their life.

Have a good night, BBE: thanks for the conversation.
I wish you happiness and health. xxoo


Since I was not with the x-spath long enough to have any mutual friends, I do not know what has become of him and I think his mask is good enough to keep many fooled. Certainly his job as a flight attendant allows him a great deal of anonymity as does his general persona.

Disguising themselves is a good way to put it. Online, he uses pictures that are not current, some so young looking its ridiculous yet there he appears to be very honest about his desires “boys, beer and some fooling around.” Effectively, in person you get the real looks (attractive, but showing his age) and a phony person, but online you get phony looks and the real person…

You will love this. One of his profiles closes with “No narcissus clones need apply!”

Much love and (( Hugs))

Hi duped no more

Wow! Your piece is so empowering. Just what I needed to lift my spirits and keep my thoughts in check!

Happg to hear you are strong! Thanks 🙂


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