Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader whom we’ll call “Filippa.” She found relief by letting go of monetary justice — even though she was entitled to it.
I’ve been reading Lovefraud for years. I’ve also been in a legal battle with the ex that has been clinically diagnosed as narcissist, OCD, paranoid that has a father of the same, with millions who loves to be in legal battles for sport, and whose motto is, “I’ll show you how to screw over an ex-wife.”
Yesterday, seven years later, we finally went to trial. Yesterday, I figured it out — releasing all his obligations to me, means I free myself of him ever having any more control to manipulate the legal system to harass me or my children. I gave up $150K for full legal and physical custody. He cares only about the money. I care only about our children.
I won!
What I have learned is that I’m smarter and more resilient then I ever realized. For the past seven years I’ve survived this lunatic and his toxic family system and their use of the legal system by proxy to haunt, harass and assassinate my character as well as our children’s, alienating them from even their grandparents. Now that I don’t have to deal with them anymore, I am free to use the same power and energy creating abundance.
Even though, temporarily, I often can’t buy food, and struggle to pay my rent, I am already blessed with abundance; all of my four children are responsible, compassionate, hard working, perceptive, self-driven, loyal, and protective of each other. No typical teen rebellion, or out-of-control behavior. They are filled with wisdom, grace, forgiveness, and humor, so beautifully hard-working, and talented.
Thank you for your insights and willingness to commit yourself to bringing these brilliant people together to share their heartache. Their profoundly transparent stories kept me sane all these years. I wasn’t alone. I didn’t even have to share, though I did under an alias. Reading their stories was like reading my own. I didn’t have to explain, but when I did, the support was profound. I’ve been to therapy. Nothing compares to the healing and support I’ve felt from this site.
Learn more: Your disordered ex — what you need to know for your divorce and custody battle
Lovefraud originally posted this story on July 25, 2012.
Sociopaths in long-distance relationships: 7 reasons why it’s hard to spot them
strongawoman
Seastorm,
I like what you have to say. I lost money, was conned out of thousands. Not as much as you but still a considerable amount. He didn’t manage to get his hands on my house, however. He tried but someone was watching over me and it didn’t sell. I’m very lucky …..yeh I resent paying it all back but like you I’m not giving him the satisfaction of “enjoying” the drama that would ensue if I tried to recoup what is mine. I escaped. Thats worth everything.
“It probably means you were well worth loving as they target really great women I
have heard.”
Thanks for that uplifting statement. They target great people….men, women. Everyone’s fair game to a spath.
Thanks for sharing
hope52
I am experiencing my own quest for “monetary” justice. My about to be ex psychopath just hired an attorney. Or actually, a friend that works with his new GF. I just received the new lawsuit, the motion for continuance – “so the attorney can prepare the case….” Whatever. We have nothing after he walked out of our marriage and I discovered the debt and the house was ready for foreclosure.
This man bankrupted both of us. He doesnt have a pot to piss in and he is now 60 years old. We emptied my 401k after 9/11 to live on after I lost my 25 year job with AA.
All because I asked him to pay $2400.00 – yeah that’s right. $2400.00. This is my federal income tax from 2011. Last February I discovered that he had been lying on our income tax returns for the last four years AND he actually admitted to this in an email the same month I found out. He was mad at me for not filing again this year. Fat chance.
so, he will be “spending” more money on the damn attorney/motions/trials than I have asked for $2400.00
It’s all about control. I am done with our corrupt legal system. I am waiting for my day in court. I may not win, but I bet his testicles are very sweaty about now and he will wake with a colon cramp about 3am….soon…. Peace out.
Truthspeak
Seastorm, when it’s gone, it’s gone, and no legal action will get it back simply because there are no “assets” to attach, and the victim is ALWAYS re-victimized with, “Well, why didn’t you know what he was doing?”
Hope52, I’ve posted the amount that I was defrauded of through coersion and outright forgeries from my individual financial account. The exspath had such a sense of ownership of my finances that he actually wrote in his OWN signature! And…..what should have been enough for me to retire upon in good comfort is now gone, forever.
So, it goes…..Good luck with your legal business, Hope52. Brightest blessings
hope52
Truthspeak – I am sorry for this horrible deed by this evil person to you.
Sadly, my fight in a local county court pales with what may lay ahead. I have discovered over $50k in false deductions/refunds in our personal income tax that he forged over the last four years.
It’s heartbreaking to realize what pond scum these people are when you discover the truth.
I am dealing with a felon. He always seems to get away with everything. Well, maybe not this time. peace.
Back_from_the_edge
I gave up pursuing legal battles with the x ppath
because I only have so much life left and what is
left is MINE and not ITS.
Sure, oh yes: I have ENDLESS cause and reason.
Reason on top of reason on top of reason.
The charges are hard to keep up with on this one….
BUT: I weighed out the choice and I refuse to qualify “IT” with anymore attention. In the courts or out. “IT” is not that important to my life anymore that I am going to clutter up my world with the constant stench.
I absolved “IT” along with all the assorted ‘minions’ to just get away from the ‘roadshow’. Although this ‘absolution’ was not in the form of writing, legally, and could still be followed up, if necessary, at a later time, for now, there is NO REASON for anymore of this and I am not tolerating it anymore.
It means more to me to have a peaceful and quiet life, what’s left of it, than to involve myself with legal battles at this point. But “IT” knows….”IT” knows it is walking a very thin line with me.
Anyone who is coming through legal issues and battles with your x ppath/spath, with children involved, my heart so goes out to you. I can’t imagine being so tied to something like this.
Truthspeak: I have been trying to keep up with you!
I hear all sorts of wonderful strength and inspiration in your voice and writings and that makes me very happy.
You hang in there and keep going. Don’t give up.
I just KNOW you are going to be alright.
Dupey
Truthspeak
Hope52, thank you. There is no punitive consequence that could match the carnage that spaths perpetrate – there isn’t. No amount of money will ever “make me whole,” again. The emotional, physical, sexual, spiritual, and financial damages cannot be rendered into a monetary figure.
Right now, I’m searching desperately for temporary foster homes for my adult pets, a room or camper to sleep in, and some sort of assistance. I will have to quit my teaching position because I don’t have tranpsortation, so there’s income that I’ll lose if I can’t find somewhere near the place where I work. Although I applied for a bed at a homeless shelter, I have been denied and learned that the shelter that’s closest to where I work has been the site of intimidations and attacks by drug-dealing “residents,” and the Health Department has been alerted to horrific parasite issues.
I’m frightened, and I’m angry. No human being should ever have to face this type of situation because another human being defrauded them of their finances. The only thing that keeps me from “losing it” is the knowledge that others have fared FAR wose than I have. Trying to keep my situation in perspective has been difficult. I am an eyelash away from hysteria throughout the days, and I don’t want to burden anyone else because they really don’t care.
I’m frightened for my pets and my adult son who was primarily the reason that I found this site, a few years back. It is quite likely that he’s undiagnosed bipolar, and his anxiety disorder requires medications and close monitoring.
This isn’t about the money. This is about the carnage. And, I was foolish to take the word of a friend that we would be safe and secure through this process for as long as we needed.
I’m not doing well, at all, today.
Brightest blessings
Truthspeak
Hope52, an addition to the “felon” issue….yes. The exspath committed a Federal Crime by forging over 75K in drafts from my private, individual account, and there is no legal remedy. None. He will never face a single charge because I “should have known.”
Truthspeak
Dupey, I wish that I could say that I feel resolved and strong, today, but I don’t. I’m crying even as I’m typing because I do not see anything to grab onto. I’m sinking and I’ve lost everything, even my stinking pets.
The carnage is complete.
darwinsmom
Thruthspeak,
Right now I’m giving you a huge cyberhug. You have every right to grieve and cry.
hope52
Truthspeak – my heart aches for you. Is there not an abuse shelter nearby? What about reaching out to your church or another church in your community? There MUST be an answer for you.
I too, had to part with two of my pets. I could only afford to bring one to my small apartment. The deposit was $300 per pet.
If this doesnt work – let me know and we will trouble shoot for another solution for you. Peace and blessings.