Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader whom we’ll call “Filippa.” She found relief by letting go of monetary justice — even though she was entitled to it.
I’ve been reading Lovefraud for years. I’ve also been in a legal battle with the ex that has been clinically diagnosed as narcissist, OCD, paranoid that has a father of the same, with millions who loves to be in legal battles for sport, and whose motto is, “I’ll show you how to screw over an ex-wife.”
Yesterday, seven years later, we finally went to trial. Yesterday, I figured it out — releasing all his obligations to me, means I free myself of him ever having any more control to manipulate the legal system to harass me or my children. I gave up $150K for full legal and physical custody. He cares only about the money. I care only about our children.
I won!
What I have learned is that I’m smarter and more resilient then I ever realized. For the past seven years I’ve survived this lunatic and his toxic family system and their use of the legal system by proxy to haunt, harass and assassinate my character as well as our children’s, alienating them from even their grandparents. Now that I don’t have to deal with them anymore, I am free to use the same power and energy creating abundance.
Even though, temporarily, I often can’t buy food, and struggle to pay my rent, I am already blessed with abundance; all of my four children are responsible, compassionate, hard working, perceptive, self-driven, loyal, and protective of each other. No typical teen rebellion, or out-of-control behavior. They are filled with wisdom, grace, forgiveness, and humor, so beautifully hard-working, and talented.
Thank you for your insights and willingness to commit yourself to bringing these brilliant people together to share their heartache. Their profoundly transparent stories kept me sane all these years. I wasn’t alone. I didn’t even have to share, though I did under an alias. Reading their stories was like reading my own. I didn’t have to explain, but when I did, the support was profound. I’ve been to therapy. Nothing compares to the healing and support I’ve felt from this site.
Learn more: Your disordered ex — what you need to know for your divorce and custody battle
Lovefraud originally posted this story on July 25, 2012.
Sociopaths in long-distance relationships: 7 reasons why it’s hard to spot them
Back_from_the_edge
strongawoman: thank you so much for your words.
I am sitting over here on the Left Coast of America,
crying, from reading your words.
I AM like Jaycee. Her and I have survived the best way we knew how to at the time. We did it without going psycho and made our way back out of the maze. But, SHE is my hero. Her resilience shows me the way back.
My life is NOT going to be defined by a monster.
My life will be what I choose it to be.
I so hate hearing about the tenth anniversary of Holly and Jessica.
Behind bars for 40 years; hm?
That’s not long enough.
What happened to ‘eye for eye’?
Has life become so dispensable and worthless?
Oh yes, my heart aches for what their mothers must deal with for it has to be absolutely horrendous.
I can’t imagine.
What bravery and courage is that?!
Right; even the most reviled creatures on our planet have a purpose for their existence.
What is the purpose of a psychopath?
Hopefully they will all eventually congregate and feast upon one another until they are all devoured.
Dupey
strongawoman
Yes Dupey. Yes!! You are my hero and you inspire many people on this site ….dya know that? I’ve read posts from them saying how much they love you and how your kindness has helped them.
And me. We are all united by our humanity don’t you agree. The human being is capable of such great things. The Olympics is currently showcasing one of those strengths…..the power of tenacity. You’ve got that in bucket loads my friend.
Here ya go friend…..a box of tissues …dry your eyes, you are amazing.
Love and best wishes from Yorkshire 🙂
darwinsmom
This Jaycee story reminds me of Dutroux in Belgium. He kidnapped plenty of girls and kept them alive in his cellar dungeon for daily abuse.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marc_Dutroux
The last two of his victims were rescued alive. His wife was convicted as an accomplice in the death of the first two girls, because she didn’t feed them or helped to rescue them when he was in prison to do some time for several months for another crime. They died of starvation in his dungeon cellar.
From wiki
“Julie Lejeune and Mélissa Russo (both aged eight) were kidnapped together from Grâce-Hollogne on 24 June 1995, probably by Dutroux, and imprisoned in Dutroux’s cellar. Dutroux repeatedly sexually abused the girls and produced pornographic videos.
On 22 August 1995, Dutroux kidnapped 17-year-old An Marchal and 19-year-old Eefje Lambrecks who were on a camping trip in Ostend. He was probably assisted by his accomplice Michel Lelièvre, who was paid with drugs. Since the dungeon already contained Lejeune and Russo, Dutroux chained the girls to a bed in a room of his house. His wife was aware of all these activities. Dutroux killed the two girls several weeks later by drugging them and burying them alive at one of his properties in Jumet.”
“In late 1995, Dutroux was arrested by police for involvement in a stolen luxury car racket. He was held in custody for three months between 6 December 1995 and 20 March 1996. During this period, Lejeune and Russo starved to death in the dungeon. There is documented reports that police searched Dutroux’s house on 13 December 1995 and again six days later in relation to his car theft charge. During this time, Julie Lejeune and Mélissa Russo were still alive in the basement dungeon, but the Police failed to discover them. Since the search was unrelated to kidnapping charges, police searching the house had no dogs or specialised equipment that may have discovered the girls’ presence, and they failed to notice the significance of the freshly plastered and painted wall that concealed the dungeon, in an otherwise decrepit and dirty basement. While in the basement, officers heard children’s cries, which they decided had come from the street outside.”
“Two months after his release, Dutroux, with help from Lelièvre, kidnapped 12-year-old Sabine Dardenne who was on her way to school on 28 May 1996. She was imprisoned by him, once again, in the dungeon where he had kept his previous victims.
On 9 August 1996, the two men kidnapped 14-year-old Laetitia Delhez when she was walking home, from a public swimming pool. But an eyewitness identified part of a license plate which matched a vehicle registered to Dutroux. He, his wife and Lelièvre were all arrested on 13 August 1996. An initial search of his houses proved inconclusive. But two days later, Dutroux and Lelièvre both made confessions. Dutroux led the police to the basement dungeon where Dardenne and Delhez were found alive on 15 August 1996. In an interview conducted several years later, Dardenne revealed that Dutroux had told her that she had been kidnapped by a gang but her parents did not want to pay the ransom and the gang was planning to kill her. Dutroux said he saved her, and that he wasn’t one of gang members she should fear. He let her write letters to her family, which he read but never posted.”
This week, his wife who got a sentence of 30 years, Michelle Martin was able to get an early release. These crimes happened in the 90s, she was convicted in 2004 after waiting for the trial since 1996 (pre-trial prison years are included in the 30 years). In other words she has done 12 years of the 30. The only ones who agreed to house her is a nunnery (and that half hearted). There have been several outraged protests regarding her early release.
🙁
strongawoman
Yes Darwinsmom, I remember that. Vilest of vile. Surely it is no mistake that vile is an anagram of evil.
Where does the poor Mother an Father of these souls derive comfort from? Words fail me, they really do.
Back_from_the_edge
strongawoman: you so humble me.
Thank you for your most kind words to me.
I do agree that we are all united and bonded by humanity.
Absolutely. It doesn’t matter what color we are;
what our geographical location is; what our financial status; none of it matters because we are all part of humanity. The human being can be very capable of such great things and at times, some of the most ugliest things that can be imagined.
I agree that the Olympics is showcasing the best of all of us. Tenacity? Wow: as weak as I have felt? And, you are calling that tenacity? I am honored. I have noticed that about myself over the years….I do have a streak of ‘survival’ in me. We all must take care of ourselves when it comes right down to it.
Thank you for the tissues….
YOU are the amazing one.
Thank you for being a strength to me and a loving supporter.
The world needs more wonderful people like you in it.
My love and wishes to you and Beautiful Yorkshire…
Dopey Dupey
xxoo
skylar
Dupey,
you asked,”what eats spaths?”
They are empty vacuums, there is nothing to eat. Just being near them creates an emptiness inside us. It’s all suck suck suck, with them. They are like a black hole, everything travels in one direction. Toward them. They can never get enough of anything to fill their emptiness.
… Well, they do spew out their malice. But nobody wants that.
strongawoman
Apologies for going on about the Olympics again but I found this quote written by Pierre de Coubertin, founder of the modern games. Especially for Dupey:
L’important dans la vie ce n’est point le triomphe, mais le combat, l’essentiel ce n’est pas d’avoir vaincu mais de s’être bien battu.
The important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle, the essential thing is not to have conquered but to have fought well.
Back_from_the_edge
darwinsmom: how utterly horrible.
i hope these people are in prison for the rest of their lives.
i can’t imagine what the children went through being in the
clutches of this kind of evilness. They need to publicly
start executing these heinous people and perhaps it would
slow the trends down a little; hm?
My heart, thoughts and prayers are with these children and their families.
I hope these disgusting people will rot in hell for the things they have done.
Dupey
skylar
darwinsmom,
I had read about those people. it’s shocking. it drives one into denial. Even the cops who heard the children crying decided that it was coming from outside –denial.
For a while I had been confused about Nancy Garrido and whether she had stockholm syndrome. But Jaycee made it clear that Nancy was envious of her and manipulative. Sometimes she cried for forgiveness and the next time she was abusive. It was a power play, just like the ones we have experienced with out spaths. Jaycee calls her evil.
My spath made use of many evil people in his manipulations. He made use of my evil neighbor who only dates married men (by her own admission) because he knew she was envious.
I’m sure that Nancy was abused as well (and Michelle Martin), but that doesn’t mean that they were helpless victims. There are many like them, we call them minions and they should rot too. IMO.
Back_from_the_edge
(((strongawoman))) thank you for your words and for lovingly spelling it both ways.
I have copied and pasted it to myself and shall make that a favorite saying of mine from now on.
You inspire me.
Please do enjoy the fresh air for me, there, would you?
It has been 104f here today and no relief in sight.
When I dream of pleasant weather, I dream of Yorkshire…
Blessings to you My Dear Friend xxoo