Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader whom we’ll call “Filippa.” She found relief by letting go of monetary justice — even though she was entitled to it.
I’ve been reading Lovefraud for years. I’ve also been in a legal battle with the ex that has been clinically diagnosed as narcissist, OCD, paranoid that has a father of the same, with millions who loves to be in legal battles for sport, and whose motto is, “I’ll show you how to screw over an ex-wife.”
Yesterday, seven years later, we finally went to trial. Yesterday, I figured it out — releasing all his obligations to me, means I free myself of him ever having any more control to manipulate the legal system to harass me or my children. I gave up $150K for full legal and physical custody. He cares only about the money. I care only about our children.
I won!
What I have learned is that I’m smarter and more resilient then I ever realized. For the past seven years I’ve survived this lunatic and his toxic family system and their use of the legal system by proxy to haunt, harass and assassinate my character as well as our children’s, alienating them from even their grandparents. Now that I don’t have to deal with them anymore, I am free to use the same power and energy creating abundance.
Even though, temporarily, I often can’t buy food, and struggle to pay my rent, I am already blessed with abundance; all of my four children are responsible, compassionate, hard working, perceptive, self-driven, loyal, and protective of each other. No typical teen rebellion, or out-of-control behavior. They are filled with wisdom, grace, forgiveness, and humor, so beautifully hard-working, and talented.
Thank you for your insights and willingness to commit yourself to bringing these brilliant people together to share their heartache. Their profoundly transparent stories kept me sane all these years. I wasn’t alone. I didn’t even have to share, though I did under an alias. Reading their stories was like reading my own. I didn’t have to explain, but when I did, the support was profound. I’ve been to therapy. Nothing compares to the healing and support I’ve felt from this site.
Learn more: Your disordered ex — what you need to know for your divorce and custody battle
Lovefraud originally posted this story on July 25, 2012.
Sociopaths in long-distance relationships: 7 reasons why it’s hard to spot them
strongawoman
Skylar, haha you are spot on. Nothing eats spaths. In the food chain then they are at the top? They have no predators. That is too scary
darwinsmom
Michel Martin has been applying for early release since she was legally able to do so. She had a legal ok to be released since 2011, but the condition is that she needs to find housing. A nunnery in France last year first gave their ok, but then recanted after protests piled up and the French Foreign Minister declared she wouldn’t be allowed to set one foot on French soil. This year a nunnery in Namur, Belgium agreed to take her in.
However, the state has protested legally against the decision and the protest will be reviewed at the end of this month. Meanwhile the parents of the victims are asking for an audience with the nuns to clarify why they shouldn’t be compassionate to the woman at all.
Both got arrested and convicted for kidnapping and raping of 5 minor girls in the 80s. At the time Michel Martin was his mistress (he was married to someone else). They married while both in prison. They got out on early release and Dutrou started kidnapping girls again, and she knew about it and did nothing, absolutely nothing to save them or help them, not even when he was in prison for 3 months. She only finally divorced him at the end of 2003, a year before the trial. I mean, hello, she remained to be his wife willingly even after everything was out in the open and it was clear that Dutroux would get life (without any chance of parole) for more than 6 years.
She claimed she was afraid of Dutroux to rescue the girls, but if she had been truly afraid she would have kept his two preferred victims alive during his 3 month cusoty, instead of letting them starve to death. It shows she cared not one bit about his victims, not one bit.
She has the abuse of 6 girls (well 11 if you include the previous 5 she got convicted 5 years for, of which she only did 3) and the death of 4 on her conscious. She should do her time, all of it.
Back_from_the_edge
yes skylar: I agree: all accomplice minions are just as equally as guilty.
I do agree with you; absolutely.
There had to of been something quite wrong for them to go along with all of that!!!!! There is no excuse for some things. As I equally believe that in this life there is no forgiveness available for some things and I do believe this is one of them.
you got my vote, skylar: minions: who ends up eating who first? That’s what I want to know. hahahaha
Back_from_the_edge
spaths eat other spaths. it is survival of the fittest?
is that what happens when they form a union?
i mean, who wins the argument?
i would imagine there is plenty of dysfunction.
Just curious.
skylar
darwinsmom,
What conscious? 30 years is not enough.
Strongawoman,
yeah, like the great white sharks. nothing but teeth.
strongawoman
Whoa, Dupey how hot? I think of you when I look outside and It’s cool and, er, damp underfoot as it so often has been this summer. I was reading earlier about your humming bird…..represents courage I think Truth said. I have a Little wren nesting in my greenhouse. Oh Dupey she is the smallest of the British birds but all day long she flies to and fro collecting insects to feed her babies. They tweet so loudly! It made me think today how sweet life is. How precious, how fragile…..
x
darwinsmom
Whenever I read the shark comparison, it always reminds me of this song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEllHMWkXEU
Four very young lives were snuffed out, two of which directly by her letting them starve, and the other 7 are forever mangled by torture, abuse and rape. She has no right whatsoever to a free and quiet life outside of prison, not to her three children with Dutroux. She ought to be in solitary confinement for the rest of her life just like him. Since that was not her conviction at the very least she sould serve the total 30 years +2 of early release on the first 5 abuse crimes.
Back_from_the_edge
strongawoman: it has been triple digits here for the past couple of months.
everything has all dried up and we are under a severe fire danger.
thank you so much for remembering me when you have that fresh and lovely atmosphere to live in!
that makes me feel better already.
Oh yes, that little hummingbird, it is really quite amazing.
I see him very frequently at my window, looking for me to
put out the sugar feeder. They get so used to the patterns
in which they fly and they never forget.
Your little wren sounds sweet. I love listening to them in the morning and I could watch them all day. I had always wished, from a small child, that I could fly like a bird when people piss me off and just stay up there where nobody could get to me.
As a child, I used to take my surf board, and paddle out past the breakers and roll over and lay out there for a while, floating and bobbing, up and down, looking into shore…the people looked like little ants on the beach. hahahahaha
It was amazing.
I have been blessed with a beautiful life and beautiful friends and acquaintances along the way.
I have wonderful and giving and loving children and they are what has made my life an absolute success.
Yes, life is fragile; a gift.
When you look at it like that,
it kind of takes all the question out of it all; hm?
xxoo
Back_from_the_edge
darwinsmom: I absolutely agree with you.
It’s inexcusable that this monster be set free.
I thought it was just the American court system
that has this all backwards…very unsettling to
learn it’s not just here.
I hope they find a way to keep her in prison.
She is not safe around the rest of society.
Dupey
honestkindgiver
I know this sounds harsh, but I believe in the death penalty. I think there should be very publicly made displays of the consequences of unquestionable evil doing
I think it would set a standard, a barometer for humanity. Spaths and predators (same thing) know exactly what they do. In fact much of what they do…. I believe is with malice and forethought… so I agree with the comment
They need to publicly
start executing these heinous people and perhaps it would
slow the trends down a little; hm?
Yes, it might make the evil doers either stop or yes, possibly be more sneaky and evil, but there really is no justice even though it may slow down evil.
Filippa, Yeah, Go Girl, you did win. I love it that you gave up money for the REAL things in life. You are tied to reality, he is tied to fantasy.That you have full legal and physical custody is wonderful. Bless you. Such lucky children. He cares only about the money. That’s right.
My children still have a ways to go in total discovery of their father. But little by little he reveals himself. They say things like, “I don’t like dad. I only care until I get through college. Dad is weird. Or .. I don’t like his character. He’s so negative. etc.
In my divorce, my attorney would always say, ” But you have the kids. She (attorney) turned on me in the end… she didn’t really fight for me financially. I lost $88K in reimbursements she said I’d get. I lost $60K I tucked in the kids’ accounts when things got bad. He still owes me $188K that I will have to use the court system again to get. I took $1500 less (per month) than my attorney indicated was very doable but seriously I had to GET OUT. I need to save energy in working on getting on with my life, taking care of me.
ONe more thing Filippa, I agree that the healing support of this website is better than any counselor I ever talked to.
People here just understand.