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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: She wanted complete power and control over my dad and all his affairs

Editor’s note: Even in old age, sociopaths do not give up their predatory game. I’ve heard several stories of sociopathic senior citizens, still looking for targets. Following is one of them, submitted by a reader who we’ll call “Edith.”

After 40-plus years of marriage my mother died, leaving my Dad, in his 60’s, bereft and vulnerable ”¦ Within a few weeks this loving man, known for his kindness, empathy and ethical character, told me about a woman in his widow/widower support group who was being very persistent in suggesting they go out for coffee or a walk and that he “wasn’t ready for that.” BUT HE FELT SO SORRY FOR HER because she couldn’t stop crying (pity play that seemed normal under the circumstances).

In a couple more weeks he quit talking and they were a couple ”¦ My brother and I were alarmed and begged him to slow down to no avail and they were married within the year ”¦ I know now she set him up and why he was targeted. Sociopaths know when they can likely manipulate a prospective partner with their mirroring and love bombing tactics ”¦

When I met her I was struck by her narcissism and flirtatious behavior, never warmed to her, but made accommodations and accepted her as the mate he had chosen ”¦

It wasn’t until some years later, when he became ill that I spent hours with her in waiting rooms and at doctors appointments, that her mask slipped and the nightmare of my life went from bad to worse ”¦ I’ve often read of a parent trying to protect a child from the manipulations of a S/P. I found myself at the other end of the spectrum an adult child trying to protect my aging, ill father from the malevolent and secretive maneuvers of his own wife ”¦

There has been some speculation about whether S/Ps slow down as they age—in my experience, she had fine tuned her skills over a lifetime and her ordinary physical appearance worked to her benefit. In her 70s she had not slowed down at all. She could out-act Meryl Streep and turn convincing crocodile tears on and off like a faucet and men in particular felt sorry for this petite elderly woman who I knew to be dangerous ”¦ She volunteered and attended church regularly (good cover) and the appearance of normalcy allowed her to achieve her real goals—complete power and control over my Dad and all his affairs, gradually replacing all his personal and professional contacts with those of her choosing (more men she could manipulate).

Most healthcare pros, social workers, etc., were clueless, but there were also some astute “angels” who had had psych training and saw through her Oscar worthy performances ”¦ When I tried to alert others, I was repeatedly patronized and told she loved him and would never hurt him when my brother and I knew the exact opposite was true—she had picked out her next victim and wanted Dad out of the way ”¦

When my father passed away, she already had the next guy lined up ”¦ He had lost his wife after a lengthy illness and she did exactly the same thing with him—convincing him they had so much in common as they were both widowed. I knew she was setting him up and he was a lifelong friend of my mother’s and her family ”¦ In typical S/P fashion, while she was telling one group of friends she’d “never been happier” a few weeks after my dad died, she was telling another group (her family) at precisely the same time, while sobbing, that she just couldn’t get over the loss, never dreaming the two groups would cross paths—and they didn’t—I just had spies in both camps and was tipped off ”¦ Of course after the smear campaign she’d done on me, I was powerless to intervene ”¦ She’d already convinced the new guy she was “such a wonderful woman.” He told me so when visiting my Dad and told one of my friends the same thing at my Dad’s funeral ”¦

She pulled plenty of financial shenanigans but was not completely successful in cutting my brother and me out of the will ”¦ To be honest the bigger issue to me is the emotional damage she left in her wake ”¦ Both my brother and I were left with the same symptoms I read about on LF ”¦ exhaustion, depression, rage and PTSD symptoms ….

I want to tell my story in the hope it can help someone else ”¦


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81 Comments on "LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: She wanted complete power and control over my dad and all his affairs"

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Dear Edith,

Welcome to Love Fraud. You told your story, and your father’s story very well. All Widows and widowers are vulnerable, to these vultures and it is sooooo typical for them to move in, sometimes before the ill spouse is even dead.

I have seen the vultures show up at the home of the ill spouse with a caserole dish to comfort the grieving widower even shortly after the diagnosis is revealed to the neighbors and friends and the patient is still lin mobile consdition.

Thank you for sharing this story. Personally, I agree with you that this kind of psycholpath doesn’t mellow with age, they just get more “crafty” Welcome to LF.

Dear Edith,

I’m sorry for your loss, and the terrible stress you and your brother experienced over the last few years of your father’s life. God bless you. I hope you have many good memories of your father to cherish.

I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia 10 months into my relationship with P. He brought so much stress into my life it was unbelievable. I figured him out in two years and it took me 11 months to get rid of him. Since he’s been gone I’ve slept peacefully and slowly lost most of the pain associated with FM. Last Saturday we had a property exchange at the local police department and my FM flared so terribly I can’t stand it. It will subside I know but all I could think is how did I live that way, everyday for all that time. He was so enraged that I was able to get my truck back from his parasitic hands that he scared the new victim straight out the door. That makes me so happy for her. She has no idea what her life would have been like the minute she married him. Like I did. She’s a very lucky girl and I hope she got a taste anyway so that she can avoid this type forever more. I know that I will. I can smell them before I see them and this will never happen to me again.

Edith, welcome. glad to know you.

Colorado,
I lived with fibromyalgia and CFS for 20 years. I think he was poisoning me. For a few years I sat in a shiatsu massage chair for so many hours that I actually rubbed my back raw. But the pain was so intense that I preferred the skin pain over the burning deep muscle pain.

Thank God you got rid of yours so quickly. They are deadly.

Colorado:
Good for you!
I’m glad you were able to make the connection and be able to go proactive to aid your heath!
Stress kills!
Sometimes we get so complaicent in our ‘stress’ that we don’t even recognize the signs….
I know I didn’t…..I had a Dr who is also a friend and each time I would see him….he would say erin….you need to reduce your stress….I asked him how can I tell if I am stressed….I DIDN”T EVEN KNOW!!!! It had become a ‘normal’ for me!
The minute I booted the s…..my shoulders lowered and a peace came about me…..
ONLY THEN….was it clear!

Continue to take care of yourself…..and I’m glad your here!

Welcome Colorado,

Glad you figured it out, many disorders and diseases are primarily brought on because our stress level craps out our bodies AND our minds, and like Erin says, it DOES begin to feel “normal” and it is only when it is lowered long enough for your body and mind to start recovery do you start to “catch on” and when you are stressed big time (like you were) and it goes SUDDENLY back UP we can sure tell immediately!

It takes quite a while for the body to recover from stress, especially prolonged and high at the same time. That’s why it is extremely important that we DESTRESS in every way possible….getting ALL the toxic people out of our lives is a GOOD START! Glad you are here, and again, welcome!

Erin Brockovich:

The one and only powerhouse I assume? I remember the movie. I see you hosting from time to time. Don’t you find it amazing that a person as strong as you seem was taken in by these shallow individuals? I feel so much better knowing you’re a high profile person who couldn’t tell at first either. That tells me that I’m just fine now. And I also think they prey on strong women who have a moment of vulnerability because we present more of a challenge to them. They don’t like to be bored. I have to say this though, he poisoned a great deal of women before me. He took and he left. I decided he wasn’t worthy of my things so in court I got them all back. And (te he) his wages are being garnished for a cool $800 each and every month for a very long time. Score for the good side. Thanks for your input Erin.

Respectfully,

C0l0rad0

Colorado:
NO,NO….stop…..stop…
I’m NOT the ‘real’ Erin B.
She is a woman I admire….as so many of us….she is a strong, diligent, patient woman and tenacious to no end…..she goes after something and get’s it!!!
Of which I relate to NOW! After the s…..

I will tell you…..anyone can be hooked by a S….no one is immune…AND even after we educate ourselves……We must ALWAYS remain diligent with our radars!!!!

I also was successful in my divorce….I LOVE TO HEAR THE STORIES of others getting justice! CONGRATULATIONS….I am proud to be in your company!!!!!
TE-HE away girl……you earned it!
XXOO

EB: Thanks for clarifying. But what an awesome namesake, huh? And congrats to you too for “winning” in your divorce. But let’s not forget that just by getting rid of them we’ve won. I am stronger, smarter and secure. The value of safety is underrated until you’re no longer safe. No longer secure. And you find that you can provide for yourself, everything you need. We are all winners without their poison in our lives anymore. Very nice talking to you. Peace.

I just read this horrible site http://www.sociopathworld.com making fun of the abused women on this site. These people are terrible. How can they make a site glorifying what these sick people do and think!

Gettingup

Don’t try to engage with people on that site! It , I believe is a way of studying these people who do not go seek help for what they consider, Their behavior is not a problem! For them we are fish in a barel and deserve our just reward for our weeknesses!

Not a good site for someone just learning what they are up against. But it does show their line of thought. I found that they are allways trying to one up each other .

The Sociopaths field-trip to LF is on this site!

It’s so terrible. It brings back all the things my X used to tell me. That I was a failure and that I was weak. He would say things just like that site says. That it’s my fault. How can these people sit so smugly talking about it like it’s funny!!

Awww…

…The poor sociopaths are so bored with each other they have to come here for amusement.

Poor babies. It’s so sad. It is sad, isn’t it?

OK, maybe it’s not so sad…

…maybe it’s hilarious.

Yep, it’s hilarious.

It reminds me of these 2 stone dummies:

In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male. These two statues faced each other for many years. Early one morning an angel appeared before the statues and said, “Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire.” And with that command, the statues came to life.

The two statues smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping.

After 15 minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling. Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, “You still have 15 minutes. Would you like to continue?”

The male statue looked at the female and asked, “Do you want to do it again?”

Smiling, the female statue said, “Sure. But this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I’LL crap on it’s head!”

Moral of the story: freedom is wasted on stone dummies!

EC, ROFLMAO. Isn’t that the truth. Stone dummies, yes.I like that.

oh, that website is funny! Every one trying to be a bigger asshole than the next but not wanting to say they are a sociopath, just a wannabee.
LOL.

I guess being a socio is soooo last week!

Thanx Kim. I try. Maybe my “abusive comment” will be reported by some whiner. That would just crush my tender sensibilities.

OK, maybe it would just cause me to laugh ’til I puked.

“Oh pulease don’t throw me in dat brier patch!”

I’d rather be a pidgeon than a stone dummie……………….:)

You think they have meetings?

yes, they’re having one tonight and I’m late because I can’t decide what to wear. My snakeskin coat or the sheepskin?
Or I could go with the latest trend and wear nothing at all – except a little tee-shirt. Would I wear that with or without the designer diaper?

gettingup, no, because it would go something like this:

1. We admitted we were powerless …..wait a minute I’m not powerless…..

2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves ……wait a minute, there is no power greater than myself……….

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood him……….Are you outta your mind, I aint turnin’ my will or my life over to anybody.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves…………….what’s a moral inventory? …..Oh, Okay. done.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and another human being the exact nature of our……….Did you say wrongs? I can do no wrong………..He did it she did it they did it, but of one thing you can be sure, I did not do it.

6.Were entirely ready to have God remove all of
these defects of charactor………what……….I thought I made myself perfectly clear, if I had any defects of charactor, I would take care of them myself!

7. Humbly asked him………..who?…to remove our……..what?
shortcomings.

8. made a list of all persons we had harmed……..oh, them. Well, you know it was their own damned fault……….and became willing to make amends to them all ………will my wife let me back in the house if I do? Will my business partner drop the civil case? Will my BIL forgive my debt? Will my GF not inforce child support? Can I keep shmoozing at the golf club, will that SOB psychopath X best friend of mine change his mind about the blackmail? etc. etc. etc…..

9. Made direct amends to such people, except when to do so would injure them……….Oh, now this I can do. Boy, oh, boy, can I apologize………Let’s see, Joe, I’m sorry I f–ked your wife, but SHEEE was coming on to me. And Honey, I’m sorry I’ve been cheating for the last ten years with numorous women, including your best friend, but if you weren’t so crazy, ugly, cold and such a damn bitch…what?…I thought you had a right to know. That’s just the kind of guy I am……….

10. Continued to take personal inventory………..I think I got a grand in the bank, and with Marge’s assets……….And when we were wrong, promptly admitted it……..what?

11. Sought through prayer and meditation………did I tell you I’m a deacon at my church, and I teach Bible study in my home?……….to improve our concious contact with God as we understood him………..Oh I understand him, did I mention I was a deacon………………..

12 Having had a spititual awakening………could you please shut that damn alarm clock off, I don’t have to get up til noon, yawwwn. shit…………as a result of these steps……….what steps?………..we tried to carry this message to psychopaths and to practice these principals in all our affairs………………….Hey, I practice stuff in my affairs………
Like S&M and swinging, and bondage and stuff……………

And so it would go!!!!!

Skylar, you go girl. I’ll meet ya there. I’m wearing the bannana costume.

OMG, I just cracked myself, up….still LOL.

Don’t ya just love doing that…..LOLLOLOLOLOL

Kim,
I’m so glad you’re coming to the meeting. I didn’t want to be the only omnipotent presence there. Wait, how can we both be omnipotent? I’m feeling envy coming on….
Oh crap, I shit my diaper, now I have to go change it.
🙂

Skylar, must I remind you? Your perfect. you needn’t change a thing.

Well, I decided not to change my diaper, I mean why start now?
Anyway, my shit doesn’t stink like other peoples does.

so, being omnipotent takes care of #1, 2 and 3 but when I tried to take a moral inventory, I couldn’t find it, so like, I called my insurance company and reported it stolen, so like, I can get some money for a new one.

Yeah, EB, I love it……it feels so good to laugh, and to actually “get myself” is sooooo damn funny!!!!!!

Skylar……HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.. Really, funny. This is fun.

I am the poop! I mean Pope!

Kim, This IS fun.

Your Holiness, I mean, Easy, Thanks for joining the party.

4. took a fearless and searching oral inventory………

I seem to have , wait no , my crown has been stolen! and my septor is gone too! OH MY!

Good one, Easy. I’m thinkin’……….

You mean YOU took it? I KNEW I couldn’t trust you with my oral inventory. Everyone’s always out to get me.

so that takes care of 4 and 5 because I didn’t do it, it was my oral inventory and YOU took it Kim. Now I want your banana costume, I feel more envy coming on. wait, oh shit…this diaper’s getting full after 40 years.

A Female Pope! LOL oops! sorry

HAHAHAHA! I TOOK your crown and scepter because I’m the only one who really deserves it, your holiness.

Easy, I am a recovering psychopath, I am not a pope, but a poop, I thought we’d been over this…………

ROTFLMAO–you guys are NAUGHTy!!!! BOINK! ROTFLMAO

You made me have to go change my clothes! It’s mean of you to make an old lady laugh that hard! You KNOW what happens when a woman who had 2 ten-pound kids does when she laughs that hard! SHAMMMMMMME on you! ROTFLMAO

Now Skylar, you give her crown and scepter back. Play nice! You need to take turns being Pope!

Poopiness is NOT gender specific. I want you to know that w women have to work especially hard……anything a male psychopath can do, I can do better. Now, Easy, I want you to repeat after me…I. too, can be a poop…..

recovering? from what? you’re perfect and omnipotent, what is there to recover from?

Wait a minute!
…d’you mean recover, like, a “lost or stolen” item? Because, we’ve been over that in #5 and I didn’t do it!

Hi Oxy!
We HAVE NO SHAME, that’s why we’re going to a meeting. LOL..
🙂

Yes of course, Skylar, you’re right. I’m having to re-cover my face, I suppose. If you didn’t do it, who did?………..

Oxy, did you steal my face?………… Easy, was it you?………..

Who the hell stole my face?……..I’m melting…………………

Kim, don’t you just HATE it when that happens?!
I’m lost without my veneer – not that I need it or anything…

hey by the way, gettingup, keep coming back. It only gets better! I’m glad you’re here. Yes, they are ugly. But we at LF have learned to appreciate them for their comic relief.

If you really have earned your right to be here, welcome!! We are glad to have ya!!!!

Mirior Mirior on the wall Who is the fairest of them all?

Where , What ? Who Stole My Mirior! OxD give that back!

Gettingup, Yep, they’re good for 2 things:
1. as an example of how not to be
2. a source of entertainment because they really DON’T get how dumb they are.

One of the red flags of an S is how they don’t get most humor. They only get slapstick humor, like when someone slips on a banana peel and gets hurt, but anything more intellectually complex goes over their heads.

are you there… hello…. ? gettingover?

OMG, I hope we didn’t scare him away.

Hey,, Easy,have you heard about the Narc who put love bites on his mirror?Love, gem.LOL!!

OK

My naughty joke just evaporated into thin air! gem.

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