Editor’s note: Even in old age, sociopaths do not give up their predatory game. I’ve heard several stories of sociopathic senior citizens, still looking for targets. Following is one of them, submitted by a reader who we’ll call “Edith.”
After 40-plus years of marriage my mother died, leaving my Dad, in his 60’s, bereft and vulnerable ”¦ Within a few weeks this loving man, known for his kindness, empathy and ethical character, told me about a woman in his widow/widower support group who was being very persistent in suggesting they go out for coffee or a walk and that he “wasn’t ready for that.” BUT HE FELT SO SORRY FOR HER because she couldn’t stop crying (pity play that seemed normal under the circumstances).
In a couple more weeks he quit talking and they were a couple ”¦ My brother and I were alarmed and begged him to slow down to no avail and they were married within the year ”¦ I know now she set him up and why he was targeted. Sociopaths know when they can likely manipulate a prospective partner with their mirroring and love bombing tactics ”¦
When I met her I was struck by her narcissism and flirtatious behavior, never warmed to her, but made accommodations and accepted her as the mate he had chosen ”¦
It wasn’t until some years later, when he became ill that I spent hours with her in waiting rooms and at doctors appointments, that her mask slipped and the nightmare of my life went from bad to worse ”¦ I’ve often read of a parent trying to protect a child from the manipulations of a S/P. I found myself at the other end of the spectrum an adult child trying to protect my aging, ill father from the malevolent and secretive maneuvers of his own wife ”¦
There has been some speculation about whether S/Ps slow down as they age—in my experience, she had fine tuned her skills over a lifetime and her ordinary physical appearance worked to her benefit. In her 70s she had not slowed down at all. She could out-act Meryl Streep and turn convincing crocodile tears on and off like a faucet and men in particular felt sorry for this petite elderly woman who I knew to be dangerous ”¦ She volunteered and attended church regularly (good cover) and the appearance of normalcy allowed her to achieve her real goals—complete power and control over my Dad and all his affairs, gradually replacing all his personal and professional contacts with those of her choosing (more men she could manipulate).
Most healthcare pros, social workers, etc., were clueless, but there were also some astute “angels” who had had psych training and saw through her Oscar worthy performances ”¦ When I tried to alert others, I was repeatedly patronized and told she loved him and would never hurt him when my brother and I knew the exact opposite was true—she had picked out her next victim and wanted Dad out of the way ”¦
When my father passed away, she already had the next guy lined up ”¦ He had lost his wife after a lengthy illness and she did exactly the same thing with him—convincing him they had so much in common as they were both widowed. I knew she was setting him up and he was a lifelong friend of my mother’s and her family ”¦ In typical S/P fashion, while she was telling one group of friends she’d “never been happier” a few weeks after my dad died, she was telling another group (her family) at precisely the same time, while sobbing, that she just couldn’t get over the loss, never dreaming the two groups would cross paths—and they didn’t—I just had spies in both camps and was tipped off ”¦ Of course after the smear campaign she’d done on me, I was powerless to intervene ”¦ She’d already convinced the new guy she was “such a wonderful woman.” He told me so when visiting my Dad and told one of my friends the same thing at my Dad’s funeral ”¦
She pulled plenty of financial shenanigans but was not completely successful in cutting my brother and me out of the will ”¦ To be honest the bigger issue to me is the emotional damage she left in her wake ”¦ Both my brother and I were left with the same symptoms I read about on LF ”¦ exhaustion, depression, rage and PTSD symptoms ….
I want to tell my story in the hope it can help someone else ”¦
yes, they’re having one tonight and I’m late because I can’t decide what to wear. My snakeskin coat or the sheepskin?
Or I could go with the latest trend and wear nothing at all – except a little tee-shirt. Would I wear that with or without the designer diaper?
gettingup, no, because it would go something like this:
1. We admitted we were powerless …..wait a minute I’m not powerless…..
2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves ……wait a minute, there is no power greater than myself……….
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood him……….Are you outta your mind, I aint turnin’ my will or my life over to anybody.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves…………….what’s a moral inventory? …..Oh, Okay. done.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and another human being the exact nature of our……….Did you say wrongs? I can do no wrong………..He did it she did it they did it, but of one thing you can be sure, I did not do it.
6.Were entirely ready to have God remove all of
these defects of charactor………what……….I thought I made myself perfectly clear, if I had any defects of charactor, I would take care of them myself!
7. Humbly asked him………..who?…to remove our……..what?
shortcomings.
8. made a list of all persons we had harmed……..oh, them. Well, you know it was their own damned fault……….and became willing to make amends to them all ………will my wife let me back in the house if I do? Will my business partner drop the civil case? Will my BIL forgive my debt? Will my GF not inforce child support? Can I keep shmoozing at the golf club, will that SOB psychopath X best friend of mine change his mind about the blackmail? etc. etc. etc…..
9. Made direct amends to such people, except when to do so would injure them……….Oh, now this I can do. Boy, oh, boy, can I apologize………Let’s see, Joe, I’m sorry I f–ked your wife, but SHEEE was coming on to me. And Honey, I’m sorry I’ve been cheating for the last ten years with numorous women, including your best friend, but if you weren’t so crazy, ugly, cold and such a damn bitch…what?…I thought you had a right to know. That’s just the kind of guy I am……….
10. Continued to take personal inventory………..I think I got a grand in the bank, and with Marge’s assets……….And when we were wrong, promptly admitted it……..what?
11. Sought through prayer and meditation………did I tell you I’m a deacon at my church, and I teach Bible study in my home?……….to improve our concious contact with God as we understood him………..Oh I understand him, did I mention I was a deacon………………..
12 Having had a spititual awakening………could you please shut that damn alarm clock off, I don’t have to get up til noon, yawwwn. shit…………as a result of these steps……….what steps?………..we tried to carry this message to psychopaths and to practice these principals in all our affairs………………….Hey, I practice stuff in my affairs………
Like S&M and swinging, and bondage and stuff……………
And so it would go!!!!!
Skylar, you go girl. I’ll meet ya there. I’m wearing the bannana costume.
OMG, I just cracked myself, up….still LOL.
Don’t ya just love doing that…..LOLLOLOLOLOL
Kim,
I’m so glad you’re coming to the meeting. I didn’t want to be the only omnipotent presence there. Wait, how can we both be omnipotent? I’m feeling envy coming on….
Oh crap, I shit my diaper, now I have to go change it.
🙂
Skylar, must I remind you? Your perfect. you needn’t change a thing.
Well, I decided not to change my diaper, I mean why start now?
Anyway, my shit doesn’t stink like other peoples does.
so, being omnipotent takes care of #1, 2 and 3 but when I tried to take a moral inventory, I couldn’t find it, so like, I called my insurance company and reported it stolen, so like, I can get some money for a new one.
Yeah, EB, I love it……it feels so good to laugh, and to actually “get myself” is sooooo damn funny!!!!!!
Skylar……HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.. Really, funny. This is fun.