Lies and manipulation from a disordered wife and mother-in-law

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call Jerome21 about his disordered wife and mother-in-law.

Hello, I married a woman who has a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder. I moved her in and helped her get custody of her son back from a most likely personality disordered mother. Things were never great but I kept the faith that if I stayed loyal and helpful to my wife she’d eventually “see the light”.

My mother in law was irate that the child she took from my wife was returned and she blamed me. After all I provided the home and the stability that made it possible. Almost immediately CPS were frequently at our home for false reports. We also found out later that my MIL was reaching out via social media to others I had contentious relations (child custody) and teaming up with them to bombard my household with false accusations to remove both my eldest daughter and my new step son. It was now a team effort.

After My wife and I had our first child she (against my wishes) started secretly involving her mother in our daughter’s life despite the vitriol and chaos she caused with all of the false reports (documented). I was demonized to CPS, on social media to anyone who would listen basically.

False narrative

The false narrative took on a life of its own. My wife told me it was because I am a man of color and her mother is racially biased (amongst a host of other problems). The stress of the situation and refusal of CPS to prosecute false accusers got very intense. To the point my wife started drinking heavily. While intoxicated she made poor decisions to call her mother to manipulate her. I was demonized and lied about during these calls and felt completely powerless. My mother in law would instruct her daughter/my partner to keep drinking and start destroying my home (which she did). Then another call to CPS would be made claiming it was I who did exactly what my spouse did the night before. CPS seemed to treat her as a victim when in fact my wife was now domestically terrorizing our household. I was punched, shoved, threatened that if I called police she would lie and claim victimhood.

Eventually my wife would make hang up calls to emergency dispatch in her drunken rages or call her mother to do it for her. Police would show up tell me to calm down (when I was sober and calm in the first place) then leave. My wife would later apologize and promise not to pull these stunts anymore. It continued regardless. We would get into verbal disagreements about her drinking, infidelity, drug use, treatment of household members and inevitably she’d call her mother who in turn would call police on me to shift attention away from her daughter and to set the stage for taking custody of her grandson (my stepson) back.

Twilight Zone

I felt me and the children were living in a twilight zone episode where reality wasn’t what mattered anymore. The false yet dramatic narrative was what authorities, MIL and spouse wanted. My wife filed a false restraining order on me after self injury (harassment charge later dropped and documented). I was falsely accused of domestic violence child molestation and denied contact with my children. I was hopeless and devastated. I couldn’t believe the reality I knew to be true was completely written off the instant my spouse cried Wolf.

I came home one day to find my wife and her mother filling up a truck full of my things so I started to unload what wasn’t theirs I called 911 to report the theft. I also had an active temp. Order of protection taken out on my spouse from earlier. She wasn’t to be at my home or around me at all. I was on the phone with dispatch when my wife called and claimed I was “attacking her mother” (while her mother wrestled the phone from my hand to end my 911 call and stuffed my cell phone in her bra). After this I locked myself in my car and waited for the police to show up. I told the officers they were stealing from me and I had a protection from abuse order against my spouse. I was placed in handcuffs, arrested for violating her protective order and watched as she drove off with all of my valuables in the back of my MIL’s truck. The charges (contempt)against me were dismissed five days later but I now had a harassment charge looming due to my spouse’s fictitious claim of an “attack” on MIL.

Read more: When you have children with a sociopath

I started getting late night calls from blocked anonymous numbers. I knew it was her but didn’t want to go back to jail for picking up. Three months in I caved because I wanted to talk our mutual daughter. My wife apologized and said her mother made her file the PFA order, burglarize the house and was now “attacking” her (my spouse) in front of our daughter. My wife said she loved me and was so sorry about everything. I believed her (unfortunately).

Meeting in secret

We began to meet up in secret, talk things over and see where we both wanted things to go. I really missed our daughter and was desperate to give her back her father so I considered a reunification. I asked if there was any infidelity and my wife vehemently denied any. My wife also claimed she needed to drop the protection order and come home because her mother was “abusing her” at my MIL’s home.

I realized my wife’s family of origin was beyond dysfunctional and thrived on domination. I was afraid for my wife and our mutual daughter. My wife’s phone calls stopped and I grew increasingly concerned for my daughter. I went to see her after class one day to ask what was going on with the restraining order and when I could see our child. She hugged me and assured me she would take care of it. I prayed this was the case.

Court and court again

I had another court hearing to address the false accusation of “attacking” her mother (who actually attacked me for my cell phone) as they stole from my home. My wife showed up with our daughter a then unknown guy, her racist mother and step brother. They both gave false testimony and the magistrate was very contemptuous of me. I was found guilty (later dismissed on appeal).

Immediately after the hearing I was placed under arrest again for contempt. This was in regards to meeting up with my spouse to talk about dropping the restraining order so I could see our daughter. The police seemed elated as they were now a part of the witch hunt. As I was escorted out and to the squad car and sat inside I couldn’t believe it. I watched out the window as my mother in law celebrated and laughed at me. I watched as my wife wept hysterically. I watched as the police handed my wife my file with evidence of her misconduct, abuses and written admittance of wrong doings. Worst of all I watched a stranger who came there with them holding my daughter as she watched curiously as dad was driven away in a cop car.

I went to a different court in a neighboring town where it was explained to me that my mother in law called in the protection order violation on my wife’s behalf. I’m not sure that’s legal but I digress.

I was jailed again but bonded out this time. I was heartbroken. I couldn’t believe this was what my family life has devolved to. I couldn’t believe anybody would do this to another human being. I felt powerless to defend myself. Later she requested the charge (contempt) be dropped as well as her protective order. At this point things were so bad at her mother’s home it was unlivable with those two at each other’s throat. My wife reached out to my family who helped her pack and move out. I was elated to my daughter and hold her again. It was three months since I could.

Mother-in-law strikes again

My MIL immediately started calling CPS again claiming my wife wasn’t “protecting” my stepson or our daughter. She doubled down of the false narrative totally. I didn’t trust my wife anymore but tried to manage the situation as best I could so my daughter could have her mother and father. CPS came daily. We left early in the morning to avoid them at all costs. I felt I was actually protecting my children by not allowing CPS access to them anymore.

My wife’s drinking was out of control and her judgment was non existent. She started to call her mother again (after writing her off for the last fiasco) I was beyond tired of this but felt like as long as I provided something to my wife (home, support, child care) she wouldn’t go the same route she did before. I was wrong.

Five months later she left with her son and our daughter after I refused to drive in an ice storm to a hospital for a non emergency. She called her mother and claimed my family and I told her to “walk 3 miles in sub zero temps with the children if she wanted to go so bad”. My MIL became irate and called police to the home again. There was no domestic situation that warranted their arrival but my wife left with our daughter while I was questioned by police. A sleight of hand only a master manipulator and a team effort could accomplish. I was told over the phone I “needed to learn a lesson”. I repeatedly reminded her that I couldn’t drive in bad weather with no license. This wasn’t anything our daughter shouldn’t see her father over.

Birthday dinner

I got the bright idea to kiss butt back into my wife’s good graces and enticed her with a birthday dinner. I figured since she cared more about attention and self gratification then anything it should be easy to see my daughter again. At this point I didn’t see her for 12 days. My spouse and I weren’t getting along very well because her justification for leaving with our daughter had zero validity. Made completely no sense at all. The police being called made even less.

I picked her and my daughter up and brought them back to my home. My wife was cold, seething with resentment. It only took twelve days of being handled by her mom to appear almost as a different person. Her appearance took a more rural tone, her mannerisms and speech mimicked her mother’s obnoxious communication style. I was ridiculed for asking about it, cussed out. I was told I couldn’t even cook her a dinner worthy of her birthday and she wished she didn’t come over there.

My racial makeup became a topic all of a sudden and she was treating me in a way that was a complete 180 from just a couple days prior over the phone. I felt anxious. Something wasn’t right and then she pulled out the phone and claimed she was taking my daughter and leaving. She called her mother looked me in the eye and said “you need to come get us he just attacked me in front of our daughter”. I protested verbally but made sure not to make any physical contact with her she immediately scooped up the child and with a smirk walked right past me and down the stairs. I begged her to let me hold our little girl. I asked why she kept doing this. I was told that I’d “find out later”.

Her mother and the police arrived simultaneously and my daughter was taken from her dad again. I called my family and friends sobbing uncontrollably asking what I should do. They told me to file for custody and lose this toxic woman immediately. I received a text from my wife filled with projection claiming I would “never attack her in front of our child again.” I reminded her I didn’t lay a finger on her. The police also saw no evidence of an “attack” that she falsely claimed. I wasn’t charged after all. I reminded her that she promised not to play these games anymore. She kept pretending like an attack occurred.

Fraudulent order of protection

A couple days later I was served with a fraudulent order of protection that she sought. Filled with the same recent false accusations. I lawyered up and contested the order. Even with the police report on my side no evidence of injury the PFA order was entered. She found a way to get instant sole custody. Our daughter was the weapon to inflict pain and anguish. I was just a prop in her stage play to get what she wanted. The court didn’t care about her and her family’s prior false accusations. They gave her the benefit of the doubt and I was assumed to be guilty as sin.

Another 2 months go by without having any contact with our child. She refused to allow any contact even though it was ok’d in the PFA order. I got a call at 3 am. It was my wife asking if I wanted to see our child. “Of course, I have for two months” I responded. She told me she “needed help, was so sorry, should’ve never done that, was so wrong etc” I didn’t care about anything except our child at this point.

Partying with drugs and alcohol

She had another random guy “friend” drop her and our daughter off at my home. My wife was completely tanked off of drugs and alcohol. She explained that she went to a party (with our daughter who was 3 years old) was drinking heavily, took a lot Xanax and was smoking weed in front of the child along with others there. She went back to the guy “friend’s” house and someone called CPS and reported her for being neglectful our daughter. CPS went to the “friend’s” house and drug tested my wife. She failed for alcohol, benzodiazepines and marijuana all in high real-time dosage amounts. My wife only contacted me to bide some time because CPS would surely be looking for her back at her mother’s or so I thought.

The next morning her phone was ringing non stop. She finally answered it and it was her mother. I heard her mom threatening to “slap her in the face” if she said the word “dude” demanding to know where she was and screaming that she had better not be at my house. My wife left and claimed she’d be back later but never showed. I got the call that she checked herself into a mental hospital. She was on a 72hr hold for being suicidal.

She’s back and at it again

Our daughter was kept by her mother even after my protests and right to care for her as a parent. That wasn’t an accident. After my wife got out she went and got the child returned to my house and avoided her mother for a week. She claimed her mom was abusing her again and she needed help. I told her she could stay as long as she dropped the bogus court order and cut ties with her “abusive” mother. She agreed and the false restraining order was dismissed.

A few days later my wife was drunk again she started taking prozacs and klonopins in massive amounts. When I hid her pills to try and prevent her overdosing she got irate started downing vodka. She threatened to stab herself in the eye with a screwdriver and went suicidal.

She called her mother and started to complain that I was hiding her booze and pills. Her mom told her to tear the house apart till she found them. Her mom also told her CPS would be at my home any minute. My wife was irate and claimed she needed a cigarette. At this point I was scared of her and wanted to pacify her as much as I could. I tried to leave with our child and let her there alone but she refused to put the child down and there was no way I was going to face the legal backlash of trying to remove the child from a woman’s arms. Instead I told her I’d be back with the cigarettes but to stay calm and don’t answer my homes door for CPS.

Daughter goes to MIL

In my absence she did open the door for CPS and signed the child into foster care with her mother as the guardian. Why would she do this I thought. Maybe it was the pills or the booze, maybe her personality disorder? I suspect now that after getting caught taking our daughter to that party and failing that drug test she intentionally told her mom where she was and that she dropped the protective order so that another call to CPS would happen and I would’ve out of the running to provide alternative care for the child. The bogus PFAs (false accusations of child abuse) were the reasons cited by CPS as not allowing me to care for the child. My spouse’s reasons were mental health alcohol and drug abuse.

Our child was removed with the consent of her own mother. It was another living legal hell for both of us (daughter and dad). During the placement of the child my wife made a false sexual allegation against the second foster parent, abuse and neglect accusations against her mother in regards to the child. I got the child back home and her mother made a false sexual abuse allegation against me to CPS to try to get the child removed from my care. The dependency of the child was terminated after I jumped through all of CPS hoops (parenting classes, psych evaluation, random drug alcohol tests). She meanwhile failed her drug tests, refused parenting classes, skipped visits with the child, left state to stay with (and get high). with a relative.

Daughter comes home

One week after the child was placed with me at my home she caught a flight back and all of a sudden there’s accusations I’m following her, false sexual abuse accusations made after her visits with the child, false claims that I threatened to kill her etc. CPS finally saw through the game and didn’t believe her that time. CPS finally closed my daughter’s file. No apology was given for the eleven months the child spent away from a capable father or the family that missed her. They were more than happy to milk the conflict for their own benefit, reward the false accuser with 500 dollars a month to board the child. The judge went along with the cherade until there were no more hoops left for me to jump through as well.

After it was over the spouse and her mother congratulated me for “getting her back”. I found that cringeworthy because they I suspect they intended to remove me permanently from her life. Now I’m supposed to forget and go with their narrative??? No.

Afterwards my spouse started fighting with her new boyfriend because we were communicating about our daughter via text. She claimed he raped her a few nights prior. At that point I didn’t believe her but whatever she wasn’t my problem any more. Or so I thought…

Wife claims assault

I got a text that she had him locked up in the middle of the night. She claimed he sexually assaulted her and put a gun to her head (while threatening to kill her). She played the damsel in distress role that has become her hallmark to a T. She claimed she had nowhere to go, landlord kicked her out, had no money etc. She asked to stay with me. I agreed but under certain conditions like no drinking in my home and emotional regulation only. I took her to appointments, loaned her money, took her to her restraining order and criminal hearings. with the new boyfriend.

As the case got closer to coming up on the docket my spouse said she wanted to drink a glass of wine I agreed to allowed 1 glass of wine with dinner that night. After the glass she got combative claiming I “stole” our child from her. I told her she was wrong and if she continued this she would have to go. She took the bottle of wine outside and was chugging it from the bottle. I readied myself and paid close attention to her. I was completely sober and refused to argue. She started shouting demands. She demanded I drink, she demanded our daughter go to bed she demanded we listen to music together like we used to. I declined.

She was infuriated. She called friends to supposedly come pick her up but she refused to leave. She was in and out of the house pacing dumping grape juice all over the kitchen yelling obscenities. Our daughter started to cry. I was in this same spot before and knew this could go very bad for me so I called a relative to have a credible witness if need be. My wife demanded I hang up. I refused. Then she went down stairs and falsely accused me of incest to her friends who were outside.

Daughter is sobbing

My daughter is now sobbing and I’m trying to reassure her. Her mother comes up the stairs and asks if the child “wants to leave with mommy”. I ran and scooped the little girl up as fast as I could, shut the door, pressed my bodyweight against it to keep it shut. On the other side my wife is going berserk, pounding on the door yelling insults. It took everything I had to keep her out. I told her to get out because she was scaring our child. My wife yells down to her friends to “call the cops! He won’t let me say goodbye to my daughter”.

The police showed up and told her to get out. They also found it concerning how she had no regard for her weeping child. Just rage towards me. I found it ridiculous what she was able to get away with in the police presence. As a man of color I wondered what would happen to me if I was in her house drunk, belligerent, trying to beat doors down unhinged? She continued to insult me pointed and said “he fucked me,” ”he has guns” in a last ditch effort to have me arrested. The police didn’t believe her and very patiently waited while she kept up her vulgar display and gathered her toiletries. She finally left after a 3 hour rage fest.

Wife is committed

I got a text the next day that her mother was having her committed and I needed to pick up our mutual son who was 8 mos old at the time. I jumped at this opportunity because I had been trying to see him constantly since she came back to our state and was denied every time (until she got her boyfriend locked up and had nowhere to go that is).

My wife was claiming that her friend from her previous night and my MIL were trying to have her institutionalized. Another call to CPS was made about her. This time CPS gave me the option to come and get our young son or they would have to place him. I went over immediately and picked up our baby boy. My spouse was held on a mental health warrant in known as a 302. I talked to her on the phone and she claimed her mother set this all up and lied to punish her for being at my home. It was believable.

Until the following day when I got a call from the head nurse on the ward. I was on her record as next of kin due to marriage. I asked why she was there (on a 302 hold) and the nurse said that social services requested a 302 hold after it was reported that she made repeated threats to burn my home down while outside with her friends while myself and our kids were upstairs the night she was removed. I filed for an emergency restraining order of protection for our kids and myself. It was granted.

Mobbed after false allegations

Shortly after my car was vandalized. Loud vehicles started to repeatedly rev their engines in front and past my home only on my street. Cars would go by and blow their horns in front of my home in the middle of the night. All of these things are still happening to this day (I have video evidence). I’m essentially being community mobbed because my personality disordered wife’s and racist MIL’s false accusations.

Learn more: Empowering the child who must spend time alone with a disordered parent

Evil can’t thrive where light is shined. I would love to shed some light on these abusive personalities and their lackies like my disordered wife and mother-in-law.