Editor’s note: This Lovefraud reader, whom we’ll all “Marily24,” describes the mental, physical and emotional abuse in her marriage to a sociopath.
I experienced mental, physical, and emotional abuse in my marriage. I thought he was made in heaven for me but found out he was the devil all along.
I did see a red flag right away in the beginning. But I dismissed it because I didn’t know quite how to take it.
He had called me one night in the middle of the night. All drunk and wanted to see me supposedly. I had to work the next morning— I managed a hotel. So I got out of bed and got dressed, and then tried to call him to find out where he was at. Some hotel with this family. This is what he had told me.
Read more: Is your partner a sociopath?
I called several times — no answer. By this time I was totally upset. So upset I couldn’t go back to sleep for work.
That next evening he called me like nothing had happened. I told him if you did this again that I’d be gone, that this wasn’t acceptable.
He chuckled and said this is gonna be fun. I should have run for the hills.
Cheated on me
I found out later that night he went to see his ex. I did find out that he cheated on me not long after. He love bombed me, showered me with attention, introduced to his friends and bragged that I was something special.
He even introduced me to ex-girlfriends that he had cheated on as if to prove to me he was a different person. He once told me that he changed the day that he had a daughter. He knew exactly what to say.
He called me several times a day. And as soon as we were both done with work, he’d be with me. Sometimes I’d be tired and wanna stay at home. And he would give me a guilt trip and tell me that his daughter wanted to see me.
He would stop by my work at lunch and bring me flowers or food. Made me think he did it because she was a sweetheart. But instead, I found out he did it to make sure that I was at work. Making sure I was where I was supposed to be. And also making me think that he wouldn’t even think of being anybody else.
I snapped
We were always together except for when I was working, or he was supposedly working. One time I was sick and he started questioning me about something on my phone.
I was really, really sick vomiting, diarrhea And sound and movement? Just made it that much worse. So when he questioned me, I told him just to leave me alone I was too sick and he won’t — he kept at me and kept at me. Telling me I was trying to avoid answering him. It was like he was interrogating me and would not take a no for an answer.
I begged him to stop and that I would answer him later. But again, he did not stop over and over. And over and over relentlessly. He won’t let me rest.
I’m not a violent person, but I snapped and just started yelling and hitting him. Then he came at me choking me so I couldn’t breathe. That first incident I ended up blaming myself because I hit him first.
Questioning everything
After finding about his cheating, that’s how it always was. He was always looking over my shoulder, questioning everything I did. Checking up on me, but I couldn’t ever see what he was up to.
He kept me so busy with him and things in his life that I slowly stop having a life of my own. And if I wanted to do something without him, then I was up to something.
He would constantly pick fights with me and keep me up all night. So I would be tired and when I’m tired, I can’t think. Especially when being yelled at and drilled like I was a terrorist.
I couldn’t go anywhere or have company when he wasn’t home. The times when he had to work and I didn’t, he would come home to check on me to make sure I was home and alone. If I was brave enough to have company, boy did it turn out to be ugly as soon as they left.
It got so bad that I couldn’t even go to the bathroom alone.
I had to run away
The times though that I did have time away from him, I cherished it so much. In fact, most of the times if I did do anything I basically had to run away to do it without him knowing I had plans. In fact, I would run from him literally and he would chase me.
I supported him and he did whatever he wanted. A short while after we got together, he said he wanted to apprentice to be a tattoo artist and I was gonna support him in his dream. There’s so much it’s all like a nightmare.
A few times police were involved and no charges were formally pressed against him. Just a restraining order once.
We did finally separate. We are divorced, but nothing in our divorce states about the abuse.
Sociopaths can sense deep emotional wounds in the human energy field
Funny I had the same incident where I hit him first and he responded by strangling me and holding me down pinning me down on the couch by my throat. Maybe that is their natural reaction to provocation. I learned my lesson and never provoked him again.
I never reported it because I hit him first. I still feel guilty about hitting him first. At the time I was not even angry at him at all. I was just desperate to make contact with him because he was giving me the silent treatment and stonewalling me.